


Unavoidable

by KeyHey



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Romance, Anya & Clarke Griffin Friendship, Bellamy Blake & Lexa Friendship, Cheating, Clexa, Conflicted Clarke, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Heartbreak, Jealous Clarke, Jealous Lexa, Luna and Bellamy relationship, POV Clarke, POV Lexa, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, clarke and lexa - Freeform, octavia and raven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:04:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 77,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10067648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeyHey/pseuds/KeyHey
Summary: I don't understand how it happened... She was there with him and I couldn't remove my eyes from her. Her beauty was mesmerising. I knew that I shouldn't. She wasn't mine to admire, but it was unavoidable. It was bound to happen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started one more story, and its called A pending divorce and its about Clarke and Lexa...  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10609269/chapters/23459295

That day was fateful, the moment I stepped back on my land, in my city. I felt like my legs belonged there, begging me to never leave again. It was seven years since I’ve left to prepare for my fathers company, my company, I guess. Or, at least, that was the official story. I wanted first some pizza. I loved New York pizza and all the pizza on the world couldn’t compare.  
I walked out of airport expecting to se some familiar faces, but only face I saw my father's driver, Niko. He smiled and took my luggage and then he said those word that filled my soul with warmth.  
\- Welcome home miss Woods! The car is here. – I went to the car and while Niko put the bags in the trunk. Then, I took out my phone and looked after the only person I was sure that he would be happy that I’m back. Niko started the car while I called Bellamy.  
\- Lexa! I can’t believe that you’re finally back. I didn’t believe that this day will come.  
\- Haha, very funny!- I said with I smile on my lips.  
\- It’s the truth, at least- He smiled- Where are you?  
\- Going home, I just arrived... -Suddenly Lexa heard a voice of a woman speaking in the back.  
\- Who called? Is it Octavia again? I’m waiting.  
Bellamy answered – It’s Lexa and I’ll be right there.  
\- The girlfriend?- Lexa smirked  
\- The fiance. While you are here you can now come to our engagement party. It’s tomorrow.  
\- Wow, you found someone to put the leash... I’m impressed, and I definitely have to meet her- Lexa laughed and imagined how Bellamy is rolling his eyes.  
Bellamy was laughing too – Now, you are the funny one. You really coming?  
\- Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there!  
\- Okay, see you tomorrow then and be a good girl tonight and buy me a present.  
\- Oh, Bellamy. Didn’t you know, I’m the present. –Lexa smiled  
\- Of course you are. NOT. - He was laughing again.  
\- Bye now- She hung up and then she noticed that the car stopped and Niko was outside taking the luggage from the car and giving it to the butler.  
I went to my room and laid down on the bed and then I heard the voice of my mother calling me from outside of my room.  
\- Lexa?  
I stood up to see her. She had her eyes filled with tears and a big smile on her lips, so I hurried towards her and I hugged her. I missed her so much because while we were talking on the phone I haven’t seen her in seven years. She was the only one that could understand me and very different of my father. He was a tough man with strong opinions and I didn’t fit in any of them.  
He first expected a son I was a girl, then he expected to marry me off to some powerful family, like our way, but I’m gay so yet again not fitting in his category. It took some years, but he was the one that called, he came to London and invited me back home to work with him. I didn’t know what to expect at first but after a few months he made me a CEO. That wasn’t why I came, but it was pointless to continue working in someone else’s company and making him rich, when I missed my family, my home, my friends so much. The decision to come back was easy.  
She’s a grown up woman Indra, not a kid anymore!-the harsh voice of her father was in front of her and maybe her voice was harsh, his eyes were warm and his lips we’re smiling.  
\- I know that Gustus, I just missed her- she hugged Lexa stronger and then Lexa felt arms of her father hugging them too.  
\- I missed you too Lexa!- he was watching her smiling and Lexa smiled too.  
\- Come on you two, I’m hungry and dinner that Susie prepared smells wonderful. Lexa laughed, maybe he isn’t that changed. He still thinks only with his stomach.  
\- She did prepare your favorite Lexa, so come on and wash up and I’ll go tell Susie to prepare the table.  
After my mother was gone I called the number that I called last, but no women voice answered. I was confused for a moment, but then I realized...  
Laughing. - Hello?  
\- Bellamy, please.-I said but for some reason my voice was shaky and her sweet, rough at the same time.  
\- Okay, wait for a second. Love, they are calling you.- I heard a shuffling and then her voice again- He’ll be awhile- she smiled- He is coming from the other side of the house.  
\- Okay.  
\- Are you Lexa?- She asked.  
\- Yes. You?  
\- Clarke. Bellamy’s girlfriend.  
\- Yeah, I thought so.- I laughed.  
\- He was just saying me about you. He said you were friends from the childhood and that you had to leave to school in Europe.  
\- Yes, it’s all truth.  
\- And he told me that you’re back for good now.  
Yes, I arrived today, few hours ago.- My voice was still shaky, and I still didn’t know why.  
\- That’s great. Then, you’re coming to the party tomorrow.  
\- Yeah.  
\- Great, the more the merrier- she laughed.- Ah, here comes Bellamy. We’re talk tomorrow.  
\- Yeah. Tomorrow.- she left the conversation but I was still shaken. Maybe, I shouldn’t go tomorrow. I never felt like this. All of this was going through my head when I heard Bellamy’s voice.  
\- Lexa? Are you there? Lexa?- Bellamy asked, but I decided not to answer because I didn’t know what I wanted to ask him.-I think tha the line went out- I heard when he said and then I hung up.  
The truth I didn’t know thy I was like that and what happened just now. Why I reacted like this when Bellamy’s fiance answered his phone. It was all very strange.  
That morning I woke up in my bed and it was the day of Bellamy’s engagement party. She still didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t really miss the party, she promised Bellamy. Or could she, with a good excuse.  
She exited from her room and went to the kitchen to pour me a good cup of coffee. Susie was there preparing breakfast. I smiled to her and she gave me a plate.  
\- You’re parents are out on the lawn, join them.- She smiled and sent me away.  
\- Thanks Susita- I said while I went to the back of the house. We never had meal in the kitchen, well maybe when I was kid, but even back then it was me and Susie. My parents always wanted to have breakfast in dinner, and if it were summer like now, outside in the garden.  
A few hours later, I was in my fathers office, he talked about the company and my position and how much I enjoyed work, I couldn’t stop thinking about the voice from last night. Her laugh was stuck in my mind and repeated like some broken record. I tried to forget, but my thoughts always returned on the same thing.  
I suddenly realized that my father is looking at me very strange, so I started listening. He was asking me about tonight.  
\- Nothing special, I’m just going to Bellamy's engagement party.  
\- And you are not excited? Bellamy is finally going to settle down, that girl has to be something special to tame him.  
\- Yeah. I don’t know. I’ll see her for the first time this night.  
\- Okay, say hello to him from me.  
\- Sure. - My father always loved Bellamy. He before thought Bellamy and I could marry and merge our families and become the richest family in the country. Now. It’s a different story.  
\- Should I call Niko to take you?  
\- No, I’ll just take a taxi.  
\- No, no. When I heard that you are coming back, I went and bought you something – He threw me brand new keys – I thought that you would be uncomfortable to have Niko drive you. It’s waiting for you at home.  
I smiled, he was never like this. It’s so strange. – Okay, thanks.-I smiled and put the keys in my purse. – If we’re done here now, I’ll go now because I have to buy something for the party and to get ready. See you at home.  
\- See you!  
I couldn’t decide what to wear. To go formal or casual? Bellamy always loved casual gatherings, but maybe things changed. It was seven years or even eight years when I was at some of Bellamy’s parties. I decided to go casual, black tight jeans, dark red shirt leather jacket and black boots. You can’t go wrong with that. When I was done I gathered my stuff and went to the garage to see the car and it was a beauty. It was BMW i8, black. My father did have a good taste.  
Bellamy’s parents had an extensive parking place and when I got there it was nearly full. OK, maybe this is a more formal event that I thought. I got out of the car and switched on alarm of the car, walking towards the entrance. I rang the bell and a man in old fashioned suit opened the door.  
\- Yes?- the man asked.  
-I’m here for the party.  
-Do you have an invitation?  
I rolled my eyes, how could I have an invitation when I arrived yesterday. But, these men doesn’t know that and Bellamy probably forgot to give him a notice.  
\- Tell Bellamy that it’s Lexa.  
I was just preparing to call Bellamy when I heard a familiar voice. – Lexa? – The man moved a little and a beautiful black haired girl appeared next to the door.  
\- Octavia! – I said and moved to hug her.  
\- Aah, I didn’s see you for ages. But, what are you doing here?  
I laughed and said – I’ve arrived yesterday and when I called Bellamy he asked me to drop by, to meet the fiance, but... If you don’t want me here, I’ll go.- I turned around faking walking out when she grabbed my hand.  
\- Haha, very funny! Now that you’re here we’re not letting you go again. - Holding my hand she passed beside the man and said – Don’t worry George, she is our friend Lexa. –The man nodded and moved opening the door. - Come on, Bellamy is over here.  
I smiled thinking about Octavia, Bellamy’s little sister that since we were kids she followed us anywhere we were going. Then, a year before I left, we had something that after three months we decided that we’re better friend than a couple. I followed her towards the place where Bellamy was and while I was walking I said hello to some other friends from the school.  
Suddenly Octavia stopped and we were in front of Bellamy and he wasn’t alone. Beside him was a beautiful blonde girl with unreal blue eyes and with a smile that could put the sun to shame. My heart started beating faster with every place that I took and when we were finally there I thought that it would jump out my chest. She saw me first and when my eyes met hers I felt electricity go through my body and that, for one moment, universe opened and there were only us two standing in front of each other and for some reason, I sensed that she felt the same. I thought that she was so beautiful and then Bellamy interrupted my thoughts.  
\- Lexa!  
Turning to see him, I said. - Bellamy!- I felt guilty about what I thought just moments ago, she is his fiance after all. I hugged him and pat his back.  
\- What’s going on with you, I’ve called you like ten times. In what world are you? – He laughed.  
\- You know, I’m still on London time so I’m still in a state where I feel a little drunk. - I lied and I didn’t know why. We were always honest with each other, but I guess I can’t be honest with this.  
\- Yes, I can imagine the time difference.  
\- Yeah. - We were just standing and looking at each other and then we both started laughing. We hugged again and then we heard subtle cough, like someone is trying to get our attention.  
\- Ahh! Yes, this is my fiance Clarke Griffin.  
\- Hey, please to meet you Clarke. I’m Lexa.  
\- Ah, you are Lexa! You talked with me last night. You remember?  
\- Yes. - How could I not remember it. I did it all night yesterday because her voice was infallible. Then, I saw her extended hand and I moved my closer to shake hers and at that moment I felt that electricity again. It was like a magic when our hands touched and her was warm, almost hot. We both let go and I watched her eyes, she was watching mine and both were full of fear. At that moment I knew for sure that sh felt the same.  
\- Wow, what happened? – Bellamy laughed.  
\- Don’t know. - I didn’t know where to look. Everyone went silent, but she broke the silence.  
\- I have to a bathroom. I’ll be right back.  
\- Okay.- He gave her a little kiss. Moment later she was gone, but while she was walking, she turned around and looked at me. Her look was strange, her eyes were showing fear, but it’s not simple a fear. It’s fear from the future, fear from that thing that we felt when our hands touched.  
\- Come on, let’s sit. - Bellamy said, and I agreed. We went towards the sofas and sat down, I took a big breath. It was like the air escaped from my lungs. I tried to calm down and talk with Bellamy and Octavia. We were talking about everything and everyone and the time passed. After a maybe an hour later, Clarke is still absent. I tried not to notice, but I couldn’t help it.  
Bellamy was talking about his racing career and how working in his fathers company suffocated him and he found happiness going 240 mph. He always loved racing and we had couple of races when we were kids, but now what Bellamy is doing is something different. He was racing, but he worked with cars too and has a company for racing cars. Plus, he has the most beautiful girl for a fiance.  
I looked again the way Clarke went but she wasn’t nowhere to be seen and I didn’t know why I was looking. What I wanted? I didn’t know but I was still looking.  
\- Are you looking for someone?- Bellamy asked.  
\- I’m hungry, so I was looking for a waiter. - Again, a lie.  
\- You’re the same- Octavia laughed. – If you want I’ll go, so you can keep talking.  
\- Hmm. – I saw her, but she wasn’t coming back. She was walking towards the balcony and went out. – No, I’ll go. I have to take some air.  
\- If you want, I’ll go with you Lexa.- Octavia said.  
\- No, you stay with Bellamy. We shouldn’t leave him alone, stay with till his fiance is back.  
Yes, stay with me. How can you leave me alone? - He made a sad face.  
\- Ok. Ok. But if Raven appears, I’m gone. I can’t see her not even in a picture.  
\- Okay. I don’t understand that. Aren’t you two now? She interrupted me and said - Not anymore. – Octavia was weird and I should see what’s going on there, but now I had more urgent stuff.  
\- We’ll talk when I come back. - I decided not to ask anymore and I went towards the way where she left. I looked back to Bellamy and Octavia if they were watching me, but they were too immersed in their conversation so they didn’t even noticed. I walked in the garden and how I couldn’t see her anywhere I went to the fountain and the small labyrinth that Bellamy’s parents had and the place where we spend so much time when we were kids. I walked in and started looking, but she wasn’ t anywhere. I passed one or two rows and I saw the fountain but not a girl. I was just thinking of going back, when I heard something. She was siting on a bench looking at the stars, I blocked. She is so beautiful and the moonlight was making her more gorgeous. I wanted to leave, I knew I shouldn’t be here. She was his fiance. But, no matter how much mi mind told me to go, my legs didn’t move. So, I stayed, just a little more, watching her and admiring her beauty. That is until she noticed me.  
\- Lexa! What are you doing here? - She was nervous, I could hear it in her voice.  
\- No, it’s okay. I just came to take a minute, to have some fresh air and I remembered this place. But, don't’ worry, I’ll go.  
\- No. You don’t have to go. – She moved a little to make a place for me to sit – If you want, you can seat here.  
My mind was still told me to walk away, to run away, but I couldn’t move any way except the way towards her. So, I took a seat.  
\- Did you feel it too? – She asks.  
\- What? – I answered, faking not knowing. But I knew, I was there because of that.  
\- That shock when our hand touched earlier. Did you feel it too?  
\- Yeah. – I couldn’t lie to her. She was brave approaching the subject, so I could admit to her at least. Silence entrapped us and I saw her blue eyes full of panic, but there was also this connection that attracted me and I couldn’t do anything except one thing. I came closer to her and I put my hand on her check, she then closed the distance and kissed me. Everything happened fast and all at once. The kiss was passionate, with more desire than I ever felt in my life. I kissed her with my all and she didn’t hold back. We were starting to lose control and everything was lost to us. The fact that she was Bellamy’s fiance, that he was one of my best friends, or that I could make a mistake because kissing a straight girl was never a good thing. I could only think of her, in my hands. On her gorgeous body that felt hot under my fingers, on her lips that moved in sync with mine. She put her hands around my neck and in my hair and I came even closer than I was, if that’s even possible. I put my right hand on her leg, tracing the line of her dress. The desire was crazy and I felt her heart beating so fast. It was beating fast like mine did and that confirmed that she was feeling the same. I started to kiss her neck, feeling and hearing the moment when she moaned that was so perfectly sensual. I was loosing control that was always present...  
But, then suddenly the flash of the past came to my mind. A memory that stopped me. Bellamy, Raven and I, were here drinking and laughing about our adventures. Raven then said one thing that was always present in our life. She said that what ever happens, how much we liked someone, never to take someones girlfriend or boyfriend. We laughed after that sentence, promising and making fun at the same time because that would never happen to us. Here I am kissing Bellamy’s fiance. So, I stopped and looked at her. Silence around us seemed palpable, I could only hear our breathing that was rapid. The air was thick and I could’t catch my breath. I stepped away and I stood up, but she was still there. Her hair messed up, the lipstick not on her lips anymore, but on smudged around her lips and on her neck. Her dress that was covering her legs, now it was up higher. I took my purse that was on the floor and gave her a tissue to her clean up. I took one to, but cleaning the remains of that kiss seemed even more wrong. She stood up and then the green met blue. She watched me and I watched her, the fear in her eyes were still there, but now there was something else. I didn't’n know that it was and I didn’t have time to say anything because she just turned around and run away.  
I wanted to say that I’m sorry, but maybe that wasn’t even what we needed. I went back to the bench and sat down again, asking myself, what the hell happened? But, even then I still could feel her kiss and that didn’t gave me peace of mind. I was even more confused than earlier.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm bored... Here's one more chapter...

 

I went back to the party and saw my friends were there, but she wasn’t. Bellamy and Octavia were talking about some lunch thing and I just fell in the sofa, without saying a thing.

\- What happened? You look like you have seen a ghost. – Bellamy asked.

\- Yeah. You’re so pale. Have you seen a ghost from the labyrinth? – Octavia laughed

\- Yeah, yeah. We had a beer together. – I laughed too. Ghost in the labyrinth was a joke from when we were kids. In our running around and hiding, I heard a scream and I was so scared. I was a ten then and when I heard the scream again, I went to the fountain in the middle and then someone grabbed my hand. I screamed then, but it was just Octavia trying to scare me.

\- That was a good joke and you were so scared – Octavia and Bellamy were still laughing when she appeared.

\- You’re having a good time. – She smiled, but that smile was because it didn’t really show in her eyes to. Then, she looked in my direction and there was still that fear, so she looked away. Her hair wasn’t messed up anymore, her dress covering those beautiful legs and her lips back to normal, covered with lipstick.

\- Where were you, love? - Bellamy asked her.

\- Around, talking with the rest of guests. – She looked in my direction again and then at Bellamy. - You don’t want them to feel left out.

\- She’s right. You should go and a make a circle. – I was interrupted by the arrival of our friend Raven.

\- Hey guys! What’s going on? – She stood beside Clarke.

\- Ok, it’s time for me to go...- She got up and tried to leave.

\- Ok. What’s the problem now? – Raven asked her – You’re going to leave yours brothers party just to run away from me?

Octavia looked at her brother that was talking about something with Clarke and felt guilty, so she sat down next to me.

\- Okay, more room for me. – Raven smiled and sat on Octavia’s place.

They were funny. I didn’t know what happened with them, but I bet it was something big. They were friends and something more, but now something happened between them, and they weren’t anything anymore. Then, I noticed Bellamy and Clarke, she was sitting next to him and talking to her ear and she was smiling. That was the situation during the night. Sometimes our views would meet and we would just stay like that for a few moments, but then someone would say something and we were back to reality.

After a few hours later, late in the night, I said goodbye to everyone and I left. When I was home, I went to the balcony of my room and sat down on the sofa that was there. I thought about everything that happened that night and the same questions were turning around in my mind. What’s happening to me?? Why don’t I have more control with her? Why I kissed her? On those questions, there was only one answer. Clarke! It was her. It was her perfection that powered my desire... It was her voice that drove me to kiss her. I couldn’t help it!

I got up and went back to my room to get ready for bed and I was in the middle of it when I heard my phone ringing. I wondered who could it be this late, but it was an unknown number.

\- Yes?

\- Lexa?

Clarke... It was her... It was her voice. I was sure, nobody’s voice could leave such impression on me because I immediately felt that restlessness in my stomach that was always present since I first heard her voice.

\- Clarke. - There it was the silence. It was heavy like after our kiss and it was now too. I could hear her breathing on other side of the line. I didn’t know what to say to her, to say sorry or to ask her why she called. I didn’t know, but I tried to talk, at least I should try. – Clarke, I...

But, then she hung up, and she didn’t say anything. It was like she couldn’t hear what I had to say or maybe she didn’t know what I would say. At that moment I wanted to talk to her, but when I called her, she didn’t answer. The phone was ringing and no one answered. I tried a few times, but still nothing. I then returned to the bed, thinking about her, that kiss, the touch, and that didn’t let me fall asleep for a long time.

When the alarm rang, I felt like I was asleep just for a few moments. I got up and got ready for work, today was my first day and after the confidence my father put in me, I can’t be late. I got there before my father, who was great and I waited for him in his office. He got there a half an hour later and then he took me to my office.

\- So, here it is. Do you like it?

I looked around and I nodded my head. It was really big, with big windows and a huge desk. There was a mini bar near the door, a library and beside the desk there was another door that I supposed it was a bathroom.

\- It’s huge.

\- It’s appropriate for your position. I know that you don’t like the privilege, but you have enough experience to hold this position. Hell, you have enough experience to take my position. – He laughed.

\- Ok, I wouldn’t go that far. – I smiled.

\- Now what’s left is that you meet your assistant. – He walked to the desk and pressed something on the phone. – Anya, could you please come in here?

Several moments later the door opened and a blonde girl entered the office, with one folder in her hand and a smile on her face. She was beautiful with expressed cheekbones. She expressed confidence and maturity and her eyes gave off sense of wisdom.

\- Lexa, this is Anya. Anya, I preset your new boss, Lexa Woods.

I extended my hand and said – Please to meet you!

\- Me too! I’m here for everything you need. – She was still smiling.

\- Okay, I’ll leave you to do some work. Lexa, you have everything you need on the computer and just ask Anya if something isn’t clear. – My father smiled and walked out of the office.

I went to my desk and turned on the computer; Anya came to the desk and stood near me. – I’ll show you where it’s everything. - And, that’s how the day passed; Anya showed and explained everything about registry of the company, while I listened carefully every detail she said. This business was always very easy for me and that’s why I choose to work this job while I was away and I did it with great success. I even made a small fortune working in London.

\- Okay, that’s about it. – Anya finished and was at the moment looking at me. – Did I go too fast?

\- No, it was okay. I get it. When do you usually go home?

\-  At, 06:30pm.

-Oh. I made you stay longer. Sorry!

\- It’s not a problem, it is never. If you need me or you are staying later, I’ll stay too.

\- You don’t need to.

\- No, no, I want to. – She smiled.

\- Ok. – I smiled too. – You can go now; I’m going to go, too. Do you need a ride?

\- No, I have my ride. Harley-Davidson, Sportster. I love bikes.

\- Okay, that. So cool! – I laughed – I love bikes too, but my bike is still in London, he will arrive with rest of my stuff. It’s Harley-Davidson, V-Rod.

She smiled – That’s a cool bike, fast. - We were walking towards the parking lot and Anya sat down on her bike. – Okay, see you tomorrow!

\- Yeah, bye. – She rode off and I went to my car. With all of this work today I didn’t even think once about her, but now, when I’m alone, I couldn’t stop. I realized that i she would be here with me, I would kiss her again. I couldn’t help it. I tried to banish these thoughts and I started my car. I need to go home and I must forget about her.

I was home few minutes later and my mother was waiting. – Did you have a good day?

\- Yes. It was good, but I’m tired.

\- Only tired?

\- Yeah. No. I don’t know. I have some stuff that I can’t get out of my head that are not good. – I couldn’t tell her.

\- Lexa. I know you and I know you are a noble, smart girl who always does the right thing. You always did, even when you were a little girl.

I smiled, but still undecided – But, what if someone gets hurt?

\- You’ll do what’s best. Follow your heart! – She smiled and gave me a hug. – And, now go and sleep, because a good night sleep clears the mind. I’ll go and do the same.

\- Okay and thanks for the advice. I missed that.

She just smiled and her eyes told me the rest. She missed it too. I went to my room, still thinking about what my mom said. ’’Follow your heart!’’ And, my heart was telling me to call her, to finally resolve this thing that was between us, that didn’t let me sleep at night. I knew I should call her to at least apologize and I took out my phone out of the pocket. I decided to call her and what happens, happens. But, in that moment, the phone rang and it was her name on the display.

It’s her!

I answered and said – Halo! Clarke.

\- How do you know that this is her number? – But, that wasn’t her voice. It was Bellamy! I froze, and I didn’t know what to say. – Lexa are you there? Are you going to answer me?

I did the most logical thing that I could think in that moment. – She gave me.

\- When?

\- Yesterday. She gave me and said that to call her if I need something.

\- Oh, ok. No matter. – He laughed

\- And why are you calling me from her cell? – I had to ask this question.

Smile still noticeable in his voice, he said. – My phone has no juice, and I don’t have a charger... - Ha-ha, ok. Then, you are at her place now? – I felt something at the pit of my stomach. Only the thought what is he doing there make me feel very weird. I couldn’t understand why.

\- Yes. We are going to dinner and she told me to wait.

\- Ah, a date. – That seemed better; at least they weren’t alone at her place...

He laughed again. – Yeah, we have to sometimes. You know, to make the girl happy.

\- Yeah, yeah. Ok and why did you call me?

\- I have a race, it’s Sunday. I’m going to kick some asses and then we have a party.

\- That sounds promising. But, what if you lose? Cancel the party? – I knew that him to lose, it’s impossible, but I had to tease him.

\- No, no. I won’t lose, but if I do. What’s better, to have a party to cast the sadness away or alone and sad? – I could hear the smile in his voice.

\- I vote for the party! - I said.

\- Thought that you would. Okay, so?

\- I’ll be there!

\- Ok. See you there! Clarke will be there too.

My body trembled when I heard her name again. – Yeah? Ok, good.

We said our goodbyes and I lied down on the bed, with the phone still in my hand. I couldn’t call her now. That would be weird. Sunday is going to be hell. They will be there, hugging, kissing. That weird feeling is back. I didn’t like it.

The week passed in a hurry. It was like the universe wanted Sunday to be sooner, see her sooner. That Friday I was in my office finishing for the day, signing some papers, when Anya entered. - I’m going to head out, do you need something else?

\- No. I’m going too. Do you need a ride or do you have your bike?

\- No, unfortunately... The bike is in the shop. So, I’m going to take that ride. – She smiled.

\- Okay. - I smiled too. It’s early. Do you have any plans? I need a drink.

\- I would love a drink. It was a long week. My boss is so demanding she didn’t give me any time for partying.

I laughed. – Well maybe you should invite your boss too.

\- Well she I invited me first, so. Let’s party. – She laughed

\- Let’s start with a drink and we’ll see where the night takes us. – I smiled. We went to the bar that was two blocks from the office and we ordered a couple of drinks.

\- So, daughter of Gustus Woods. How’s that going?

\- It’s ok. Like every family. We have our problems.

She smiled. – I suppose. According to the rumors in the office, you were in London all these years.

\- Yes. That’s true. I went there to finish my studies and then I found a job there...

\- A job? Why didn’t you just come back here?

\- That wasn’t an option back then. My father and I had problems. He was different back then.

\- Different? You mean about the gay thing?

\- Well, you go straight to the point. - I laughed. – Yes, about the gay thing… I was still in school when he found me with my first girlfriend. Then, suddenly I had to go to school, first, in Germany, then London. I wasn’t home for seven years... He came last year to visit me, asked me to forgive him, that he made a mistake. Sometime later, I did. So, here I am now.

\- Wow. That’s heavy... Maybe we need one more drink.-She smirked and raised her eyebrows like she was asking.

\- Maybe we do. - I went for more drinks and we were drinking until the late hours or early hours of the morning. Telling each other stories about us and our families. It was very easy to talk to Anya. We could be good friends.


	3. Chapter 3

It was Saturday, the day before the party. I was at home, watching TV, when the phone rang. It was Raven. I thought not to answer, but since I came back I didn’t speak to Raven at all. We needed good bonding. So, I answered.

\- Halo!

-Hey, girl! What are you doing? – Raven asked.

-I’m at home, watching TV. Do you want to come over?

-No... I wanted to invite you out. Some drinks, a club, girls? - She laughed.

I laughed, of course it wouldn’t be Raven without some girls... – And, if I say no. This week was hell at work and I’m exhausted.

-Come on, don’t say that. You’re not a grandma. You are hot, so use it. Besides, we didn’t go out since that one time when I was in London.

-Yeah, that one time. That lasted two days of partying. I had the worst hangover of my life.

-That was then. Now, it would be some bears, maybe some shots, dancing and some girls...

I thought about what she said and maybe it won’t be such a bad thing to go out. I would be distracted and I wouldn’t think about a certain person. – Okay, and the rest?

\- Only us, I didn’t call Bellamy. He would probably say no, deciding to stay at home with the fiancé.

-You don’t agree with Clarke? – I asked.

-No, she’s cool, but since they got together I don’t have a wing man anymore. He never goes out and when he does, he always takes her with. She is cool and we get along fine, but it’s not the same like earlier.

-And, now that I’m here you are saying that I should replace Bellamy?

-That won’t be so bad, would it? – She joked, but I had a sense that she is serious.

I laughed and decided not to answer, it was a better solution. Then, I looked at my watch and asked Raven. - So, what time? Now, it’s nine.

-At, 10:30pm?

-Okay. Where?

-At Grounders?

Okay. – I put the phone down and went to get ready. This evening is going to be a good distraction. I won’t think about her or worse, them together.

When I finished, I got down to the living room and there was Susie. –Didn’t you say that you are going to stay at home this evening? – She asked.

-Raven called. I couldn’t say no.

\- That girl. She’s dangerous. – She smiled.

-She’s fun and I need some fun now.

-You know, you’re very different from how you were. Now, you’re a grown up and that’s very clear.

-Well. – I didn’t know what to say…

-No, no... You are. I’m so proud of you Lexa! You should only find yourself a fine girl and you will be complete. Just like your friend Bellamy.

When I heard Susie’s words, she came to my mind again. - If it were so easy. - I said goodbye to Susie and went to the Grounders. I was already late and Raven is going to be mad...

’’Grounders dance club’’ The sign was still there and the building was the same, the interior was different with more go-go dancers. Also, the crowd was bigger than last time I was here. Raven was at the bar, already drinking.

\- So, thanks for waiting for me. - I smiled and hugged Raven, saying hello at the same time.

-You were late and I’m thirsty... And, I already found us some company. – She showed with her head to the two girls that were in the corner. They were beautiful girls and I smiled.

-You are the same. – I was still smiling. That was Raven’s super power, she always could make me laugh and with her, it was never boring.

-Change only brings boredom... Bellamy is the proof.

-Yeahh... And, what are we drinking? - I didn’t want to get drunk, just to take some drinks, and dance a little. Forget... But, little I knew, destiny had other plans.

We were in the middle of our six shots, I heard Raven saying. – Ouch. Our party is over. - I looked at her, but she was looking at the door. I turned around and saw them. Bellamy and Clarke, they were walking toward us.

-Did you say something? – I asked Raven.

-No. I told you I wouldn’t... Look how he looks at me. He’s going to kill me.

I laughed. –He’s not going to kill you. - I looked at her. – But. Maybe he will kill me.

Raven looked at me and said. – I don’t understand...

-It’s not important. – I turned around, watching around me to find something, or better said, someone. I smiled when I saw one girl watching me and smiling, like she was calling me to go to her and invite her to dance. – There is one girl. I should go and dance with...

-Hey you two. What are you doing here? – Bellamy asked.

-I wanted to ask you the same.

I saw that they were holding hands and I said. – Exactly!

-Well. I wanted to take Clarke dancing before the race tomorrow. Is that right, love? – He kissed her forehead.

-Yes. – She was watching me, that look that hunted me. The same look that she had that night, where the surprise and fear mixed.

Trying not to look at her and failing... – I have to go. That girl is waiting for me. – I turned around and I was about to walk away, when.

-You won’t even say hi... – Clarke spoke.

I turned around to look at her and said – Hi Clarke, how are you? I would say that you are ok. – My fake smile was plastered on my face. – Now, if you excuse me, that girl is going to get bored if I don’t go and ask her to dance. – I smirked and turned away to go to the girl, but while I was walking I looked over my shoulder to see her watching me. It seemed that she was angry, but why? I walked to the girl and asked her: - Hi! – Smile. – Would you like to dance?

-Sure... - She smiled back and then she said: -I’m Luna.

-Please to meet you... I’m Lexa. – She was with her friends; they were smiling and whispered with each other, probably talking about us.

We went to the dance floor and started dancing, I put my hands on the lower half of her waist and she put arms around my neck. The song was fast but sensual, so she danced close to me, turning her back now to me. That was enough to distract me that was until I saw the happy couple dancing a little far. He was holding her in his arms and she had her eyes closed.

-You are very good dancer! – The girl spoke but I was still looking towards Bellamy and Clarke.

-You too.

-I don’t think so. I can barely follow you. - Luna laughed.

I laughed too. - Well, you’re good at that. - I looked at the couple again, but now she was watching me and I couldn’t smile at the way she moved her head when she saw me watching. That was the situation during the four songs. This scene repeated and every time I found it more and funnier, so I danced every time closer to Luna.

\- I really enjoy dancing with you, but I’m so thirsty and these heels are killing me. I need a break and then we can dance again.

I removed my eyes from Clarke and looked at Luna. – Okay. You go and rest and I’ll go take a drink. Do you want something?

-I want, but I have a cocktail at my table, almost full...

-Ok, I’ll be back. – I smiled.

She just smiled and went to her table, while I went towards the bar. I looked at the couple again and she was dancing very provocatively, moving her hips seductively. I ordered drinks and made a mistake when I turned around and saw Bellamy stealing a kiss. I drank the bourbon that I ordered and ordered one more. After, I knew that I needed to clear my head, so I went to the hallway that was closed to clear my mind.

You need to stop thinking about her. You really need to stop thinking about her. This was the thought that I said time after time, but my mind didn’t listen. The hallway was empty so I leaned on the wall and thought about her. Her beautiful presence was stuck in my head and the weight of that did not allow me to breathe well. I closed my eyes, but there she was again in Bellamy’s hands. I wanted to go back to Luna to get her out of my head. But then, I heard a sound. Sound of heels that were coming close to me, so I opened my eyes and turned around to see her watching me.

-What are you doing here? - I asked her.

-I need to talk. –

-I thought when you didn’t answer the calls that you didn’t want to talk. – I couldn’t look at her anymore, so I turned away and looked at the wall that was in front of me.

She leaned on the wall that I was so busy staring at. –Why are you so rude?

-Rude?

-Yes. You’re very rude and you’re talking with me full of resentment.

\- I'll give you some advice. Go inside to your fiancé. He’s probably looking for you. – I didn’t know if those words I said because I knew that I would kiss her if she’s so close, or if I was pissed off... No matter which was, it bad in either case...

-He is with Raven, drinking shots. – She said looking down.

-Okay. Then excuse me, I should go and drink a few of those. – I only made a few steps when she stopped me.

-I told you that I need to talk with you...

\- Yeah. Look. –I turned around and looked her in the eyes. They were beautiful and the color of tormented sea. – I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you. – She was watching me and like she was asking me, pleading me to kiss her and I felt it. I felt that need all this week, all the time that passed since the last time. I also felt the need to hold her in my hands. I took a breath and all I could smell was her perfume, which took me directly to that night. She did the same and at the moment she was in my arms. I didn’t know who came first, but there she was. Kissing me with her all and I walked us towards the wall and leaned her on. Her legs came around my hips and arms around my neck. While she did that I moved my right hand beneath her skirt, while the left hand was pressed against the wall, helping us to keep balance. She moaned, so I continued raising my hand up her thigh until I got to the edge of her underwear. It was soaked. I then stopped and looked at her. She had her eyes closed and her lips opened pleading for a kiss, so I did kiss her again. Then my lips dropped down towards her neck and in that moment I felt another moan that she released from her lips and she was showing signs of intensive pleasure, so I put a little more pleasure with my finger. She moved her hips to feel a little more, while her moans were louder.

That made me crazy and I moved cloth of her underwear a side and I could finally feel her warmth, while her hands moved from my neck to my shoulders to have a stronger hold. She let go of another moan, but now there was a silent plea too.

-Ahh. Lexa! – She whispered. – Please.

I understood what she wanted, but that was the moment that my sense came back to my mind and I realized what we were doing. I took my hand from her and my lips stopped kissing her. She stopped too, her legs still around my hips and she was watching me.

-I’m sorry. That was wrong. Bellamy is my friend and you are his fiancé. I don’t know what happened. You are so beautiful. No. This is just physical. – She didn’t say anything, I didn’t. Complete silence. It was awkward. She then moved her legs from my hips and her hands from my shoulders, while she was leaning on the wall. I suddenly realized that she never stopped looking at my eyes.

-So. It’s just physical? – Her breath was still uneven.

-What else? We met few days ago. – I leaned on the wall across from her.

-Yeah...- She looked down.

-Besides... You love him. I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry.

-You are right. – She was still in the same position and all I wanted is to see her eyes, to give me something. But, she didn’t. She just pulled her skirt and fixed make up with the small mirror she took out of her purse. I cleaned my lips and fix my hair and then I walked away. She was behind me, but while I stopped to the end of the bar to have a drink, she went to Bellamy.

After a while, I went to the table where they were and Bellamy asked me: -Where have you been? That girl was looking for you.

-Luna?

-Well if that’s her name... Yeah...

-Ah. Okay. – I turned around but she wasn’t at the table with her friends. – And, what she said?

-That she had to go and she left you her card, so you can call her. – Raven gave me the card and Clarke was watching all off this with this weird look. I couldn’t explain. But, it did remind me of that feeling that always appeared when I was close to her.

\- You've always had luck with girls. – Bellamy laughed

-I didn’t.-It was weird to talk about that in front of her. Luckily, Raven focused the attention on her.

-She still has that power, but I didn’t do bad either.-Raven said.

-Well, I don’t have the need for that. - He kissed Clarke’s cheek and said: - Right, beautiful?

She looked at me, but she replied to his question. - Yes. - Then blue eyes met green and I remembered that kiss. She did too. I noticed the way she was biting her lip, like she wanted to try my lips again, to just have a taste. I took my look off her, because I wanted it too. I wanted to kiss her again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support, it really means a lot to see every kudos and comment made on this fic. I REALLY appreciate it.  
> And, please review. :)


	4. Chapter 4

I didn’t know what was happening… This confusion was killing me. My phone was ringing all morning and I couldn’t answer, not with everything that was happening in my head. I knew who was calling and I couldn’t talk with him, not when I’ve been thinking about kissing another, or, doing it. Then I heard the secretary, he was leaving a message…

\- Love, are you in? Please, answer me... – He sighed; - Ok, maybe you are not in… Call me when you hear this message… I’m worried because last night you were quiet and now you’re not answering. Is something wrong? – He sighed again; - No, you know what? Forget it… I’m probably crazy… I just called to tell you, that I’ll pick you up at 4pm for the race. Okay? I love you! – Then the message was over and I felt that my heart was now in pieces. He didn’t deserve that, he was too good for what I was doing. But, I couldn’t help it. With every day that passed, she was more present in my mind and her touches more and more intense. I just need to close my eyes and I’m back there in that club surrounded by darkness and her smell. I could feel her touches on my skin, her plumped lips on my neck… Her eyes when she was watching me… No, no, no… Bellamy is my fiancé and I should be thinking about him, not her.

Finally, I left my bed and I went to the machine to listen again his voice, maybe it’ll bring me some clarity. I mean, that was all physical and nothing else… Right? That didn’t sound very convincing. I went to the kitchen to make some coffee, but on my way there, the bell on the door rang and I went to open.

\- Girl… You look... Terrible. – Anya said.

\- You have no idea…

Anya was my best friend and we knew each other for years, since elementary school. In the beginning, she was very shy because of what happened with her parents, but with time she opened more and we developed strong friendship.

\- Then talk... You had a fight with Bellamy?

\- If only…

\- So, it’s bad?

\- It’s worst… - I sat beside her.

\- You’re scaring me…

\- It’s… I did something very bad.

\- What? Did you kill someone? – She laughed.

\- Ha-ha, no… I don’t know how to tell you… - Anya just looked at me and I knew what I have to do. I have to start talking.

\- Ok, ok… Do you remember the Bellamy’s friend from London?

\- Yes… I think that you told me about her…

\- Ok, well… I kissed her…

\- What? You kissed your boyfriend’s best friend? – She started pacing. – Clarke, how could you?! Bellamy doesn’t deserve that…

\- I don’t know… Just don’t…

\- How could she do that? He is her best friend. – She sat down; - She is his best friend and she kisses his fiancé... That’s just wrong…

\- She doesn’t have all the blame… I kissed her and last night… Something more happened. - She looked at me and probably thought that I’m crazy and who knows what I’m going to tell her. She made a sign with her head for to continue, so I sighed, and then I started to talk about what happened last night. – Last night it was me who looked for her, and I don’t know why… I was dancing with Bellamy and she was with some girl, and I felt this rage… I couldn’t explain it…

\- Jealousy? – She interrupted me.

\- No… I don’t know… I don’t think it was that, but the thing is that when she went to the abandoned part of the club…

\- You followed her?

\- Yes… I told Bellamy that I’m going to the bathroom and instead I went there… - Anya was just watching me like she expected for me to continue. – Anya, I stopped her to move from me when she had all intention of doing it and if she wouldn’t kiss me, I would kiss her.

\- Clarke…

\- There is more…

\- More…?

\- When she kissed me it felt so good, and when she put her hand on my…

\- Your what? – She interrupted me again…

\- My… You know, and then she began to run her fingers all over… - I closed my eyes, the memories flooded in my mind… - Kissing my neck… Anya, it felt so good and I was ready to start begging her to continue and to make me hers…

\- But? What happened?

\- She stopped… She said that couldn’t happen again and that she was wrong, that all of that was just physical.

\- Finally something that makes sense… But, tell me something… Do you still love Bellamy? Or this girl?

\- I think that I love Bellamy, but this girl… There is something that attracts me to her…

\- You think that you love Bellamy?

\- Anya… I’m so confused… Nothing is certain and I don’t know what I feel… - I dropped my head; - I just want that nothing bad happens at Bellamy’s race because then, for sure, I’m going to be really crazy…

\- Well then don’t do anything…

\- That’s easy to say but hard to fulfill… Believe me; everything can happen because when I’m in front of her, I don’t have control…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I just woke up and I don’t know if I should get out of the bed… Maybe I should just stay here and pretend that this day doesn’t exist… Today is going to be a hard day. I knew that I should concentrate on my friendship with Bellamy, and forget about her. There are so many things that I should do instead of thinking about Clarke. I should think about my work, my relationship with my parents… About the fact that I should sell my apartment in London and buy something here because how nice is to live with my parents, I’m used to living alone. So many things, but instead here I was thinking about her again. I woke up and the first thing that I thought was what we did last night… I have to stop that.

After I made presentable for a race, I went downstairs to have breakfast and I ate alone because my parents weren’t there. While I ate, I remembered the card from last night, so I decided to make a call to that girl from last night. Everything that’ll help me to forget about her.

The phone rang a couple of times until Luna answered; - Hello?

\- Hi! Is that Luna?

\- Yes… Who is asking?

\- I can’t believe you already forgot about me? – I smiled. – No, it’s a joke… It’s Lexa, we were dancing last night…

\- Yeah, I remember… - She smiled nervously.

\- Ok, that’s good! – I smiled; - Cool, so I can invite you to dance again?

\- I have to think about that… - She laughed and continued; - Sure, I would love it.

\- Great! Next Friday?

\- Okay…

\- Okay, so then see you then.

\- Bye!

I hang up the phone and thought about Luna. She was nice, beautiful, and definitely deserved someone better than me, but I had to give that a chance for sake of my friendship with Bellamy. I got up from the table and went to the garage to my car and then after Octavia to go to Bellamy’s race.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Hi, love! – Bellamy kissed me when I entered in the car. – How’s your day?

\- It’s okay.

\- Something wrong?

\- No… Everything is fine, I’m just tired.

\- You didn’t sleep well?

\- No… - I lied and that felt terrible. Since we are together, I never laid him and even when something was wrong I was honest. No matter what I was always honest and now, every other word that came out of my lips was a lie. 

\- Clarke is something wrong at work?

\- No… I don’t know, but come on… You don’t want to be late to your own race… - I smiled, trying to seem positive.

He laughed; - Yeah, you are right. – Then he kissed me, it was one of those kisses that always left me without breath but now something was wrong. I didn’t feel it. I didn’t feel anything that was there earlier… That’s how I felt that something was happening in me, something that I never felt before.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Octavia was sitting next to me and now and then she would look at me, and then she finally asked; - Is something wrong?

That question was pure fire… We were sitting in the car, silent most of the time and this question had so many levels… I couldn’t answer honestly.

\- Yeah…

\- You are never this silent while you’re driving… Something is wrong…

\- There are some problems… Everyday problems, without any importance…

\- Like? I never saw you like this, so stressed…

\- Octavia how about we leave this conversation like this for now… It’s not important problems and I’ll take care of them later and if I have some real problems, you’re going to be the first to know. – I smiled trying to make this situation less awkward.

\- Okay, but not if it’s too difficult. – She joked and I immediately knew that everything is okay and that she’s not mad.

In that moment we arrived at the tracks where the race was happening and then we went towards the Bellamy’s garage.

\- Raven is going to love this scenario… And, I was right… - She said with angry voice and then she stopped and looked forward. I saw that Octavia was looking at Raven and few girls around her. The girls had gorgeous bodies and were in minuscule black bikini, and Raven was certainly enjoying that. – She is a piece of work…

-Will you finally tell me what happened with you and Rav…? – She didn’t let me end that sentence because suddenly she walked towards and sat down beside her. She then turned around and with the fakest possible smile she turned to see Raven like nothing was bothering her. I shook my head and smiled, they were so funny.  But, when I opened my eyes I saw her… She was so beautiful with her blonde hair that was shining under the sun, and her lips warm and sot that was mine last night… Her eyes had special color of blue and then when she looked in my direction, they went to a color darker.  Blue met green and I couldn’t move.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I saw her, she is just standing there, seeing me in that way and I felt every nerve in my body wake up. I knew that this will happen… Just her eyes made me go back to that hallway last night where I wished that she made me hers.

She then walked towards and stood in front of me and said; Hi…

\- Hi…

\- Where is Bellamy? – She was looking around like she was trying to find some excuse to run.

\- He’s preparing…

\- Ok… - She said that and then she was gone. Lexa was never so cold with me like right now… We said to each other a few sentences and then she walked away towards Raven and hers ’’friends’’… I don’t know if she does it on purpose, but she did it again to make my blood boil. The same way she and that girl from the club last night…

\- Do you see that? – Octavia came to sit beside me and was currently showing towards the scene that was occurring with Raven and Lexa. – They are the same and put it together and some girl with big… and you can see how they are for real.

\- And, that comment is because? – I laughed at Octavia’s words.

\- Look it… They look like birds with prey… It’s disgusting…

 - Who, Lexa and Raven or the girls?

\- The girls with no clothes on them… I mean, they do have bikinis but how’s that possible it’s so small.

\- You like her?

\- Who?

\- Raven… I can see it on your face.

\- No… She’s such playgirl and I don’t care… I can’t even believe that I thought I loved her, but now… No… She’s not worth it. Look at it… We broke up two months ago and there she was…

Clarke looked towards the scene and Lexa was right there with Raven whispering to some girl’s ear… - You are right, it’s not worth it.

\- It’s good that you don’t have to worry about that… Bellamy would never do that to you.

I dropped my head, feeling guilty; - Yeah… Bellamy would never.

>> Five minutes and the race will begin… Please take your seat! <<

\- That’s the signal that the animals exit their natural habitat. I’ll take care of that… - She winked and went towards Raven and Lexa.

\- Ok… - I didn’t know what she had done to me but I stood there frozen looking how she gives her beautiful smile to other girl. She looked gorgeous in her fitted black jeans and leather jacket… Even without putting an effort the girl that she was talking with was eating from her palm. I couldn’t look at it anymore and I went to find a place where I could watch the race.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

The race ended like Bellamy said, he won. I, on the other hand was very busy watching his fiancé, not believing how beautiful she was. She was so perfect with her curves that made my head spin…Her hair that was floating with the wind and shining under the sun. I tried to clear my mind looking again towards the track, but my eyes were always coming back to her, detailing every inch. This woman is something special and just watching her, I’m losing my mind.


	5. Chapter 5

Bellamy was talking; He was actually giving a speech after his victory; - Thanks to everyone who is here with me, this win is not just mine. It’s for everyone who was with me! We showed everyone that we are the best in the country. Thank you again! – He then turned around and kissed Clarke.

\- Good speech! – Raven says.

\- Finally she says something that I can’t deny. – Octavia was always looking to add her opinion that contradicts Raven’s and now that she had to agree, she didn’t like it.

\- She has a name, if you forgot…

\- Great… - She walked away from us.

\- This girl… I hate her! – Raven said angrily.

\- Hey! That’s my sister… Beside, you are just laying yourself… - Bellamy said; - Am I right Lexa?

I was looking at her and she was looking at me, it’s like we were in this bubble that we couldn’t get out off. The world around us didn’t exist; it was like everyone had disappeared and left just us.

\- Hello Lexa! Earth is calling… - Bellamy was trying to get Lexa’s attention.

\- What? – I finally got out from my bubble.

\- Where did you go?

This time without lying; - With my biggest fantasy!

\- With the girl from last night? You closed the deal?

\- No! I don’t go fast, I’m more smother than that… -I laughed and turned to see expression on Clarke’s face. She had that look full of resentment that usually directs towards me when I say something that hurts her.

The night continued and how hours were passing, the people were slowly leaving. With great difficulty Octavia accepted Ravens offer to take her home.

\- Lexa, can you do me a favor? – Bellamy asked.

\- Sure…

\- Can you drive Clarke home?

When he asked Lexa that, Clarke looked him very nervous and said; - Why can’t you take me?

\- Clarke, I would love to take you, but party is not over and I can’t leave…

\- But, I can stay…

\- Love, I don’t want you to stay to late… - He kissed her forehead. – This morning you said that you are tired. – He turned toward me and said; - Lexa, take care of her?

\- Ok. – I said confused. I couldn’t explain what it meant to me when Bellamy said that. He trusted me enough to entrust me is fiancé and to take care of her. He wouldn’t be so trusting if he knew what happened last night.

The atmosphere was tense; no one of us said anything. She was watching through the window while her leg was moving nervously.

\- Next street on the left… - She said cutting this silence that was around us. I nodded and did what she said, while she was concentrated with her looking through the window.– It’s the building with brick façade.

I parked and turned off the car. I turned to her looking for a way to say goodbye. We came closer to kiss each other’s cheeks, and when we did it wasn’t enough. Our eyes connected again and we remained frozen surrounded with silence. I had this insatiable need to kiss her again. My lips were burning and I felt that only her lips could help me. So, we approached again and my mind went blank. We kissed again and with my arm I brought her closer meanwhile she put her arms around my neck. She opened her lips to let me in.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I can’t describe what I felt. My heart was racing and I put my arms around her neck. I felt that something deep inside me was telling me to never let go and to continue kissing her.

\- Lexa… - I kissed her again. – Someone will see us…

\- I don’t care… - She kissed me again.

The desire took us both and ruled our minds and we had no reason anymore. We are slaves in this well of want and passion.

\- Let’s go upstairs… - I didn’t know why I suggested that or how could I… It’s like someone was managing me reading my deepest desires.

\- Are you sure? – Lexa asked me. Her breathing was heavy and accelerated. I watched her and then I dropped my head thinking about what I said. Should I do that? Can I do that? I knew that Bellamy didn’t deserve that, but I was sure what I wanted. I wanted her, even just for this night.

\- Yes, I’m sure.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Under that answer how could I withdraw myself? Her eyes were begging me to not refuse her and I couldn’t deny her. I was too much in, the desire stronger than me. I then parked my car in the buildings parking and we went upstairs. Nerves were wrecking me and I could notice that the same was happening to her. Her hands were shaking when she wanted to open the door and then I entered. I could see that this apartment was like a continuance of her. She was present everywhere, in every corner. I turned around and I saw her by the door, she was crying and looking me in the eyes.

\- Clarke…

She ran to me and put her arms around my neck kissing me. I let myself be carried by that moment and I hugged her meanwhile I returned her kiss. I separated for one moment from her and looked at her eyes; - I need this night…

\- Let’s forget what happens outside this door. – She followed my words.

\- Just you and me… - I kissed her again but this kiss wasn’t like the other. It was soft and sensual. I felt it even in my bones. She was taking me towards the bedroom and then I fell on the bed. – Tomorrow doesn’t exist, just now. – I finished saying my thought and just laid there watching her how she stood before me. She gave me this wicked smile and then she took hold of her zipper and slowly brought it down, while I watched as her dress fell down past her breast to reveal her lacy lilac bra and then she wiggled her hips to urge the dress all the way down to her ankles. Clarke then stepped out of the dress and in a moment, I put my hands one her waist kissing the skin along the top of her panties. She moaned and put her hands in my hair, tangling her fingers in the strands of my hair, so I continued kissing her up running my tongue against her skin.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

As Lexa’s tongue ran along my ribs, heat spread out through my body and the tingling sensation went up my spine. I wanted her closer, so I put my right hand under her chin and I lifted her head and kissed her. Her tongue reached mine, I couldn’t contain a moan that escaped me and that sound seemed to wake up something in Lexa and she turned me around and pressed into the bed. Her leg was fell naturally between mine and she rocked against mine center. She grabbed my hands and put them above my head, and then green eyes met blue. The world really did stop and understood what she wanted, to not move until she wanted. 

She trilled her mouth to my ear and she grazed the outside ridge, saying softly; - I need you! – Then her hands went behind my back to take my bra off, and I arched up to help her. Lexa then put her mouth on my left breast and she circled the nipple with her tongue. I pulled her close making her to press harder against her and her other hand was cupping my other breast, playing and teasing my nipple. I moaned and it was like she understood my plea, and she started kissing down my stomach to the top of my panties. Her breath was hot and I could feel it through the fabric of my panties, but she still didn’t do anything and then I understand it. She wasn’t sure if she could. I lifted her head and looked in her eyes;

-Please. – I said and Lexa planted a kiss right at my clit and then she took the edge of my panties and pulled them down. She then threw them over her shoulder and placed a kiss on the same place like earlier. That was such little kiss and I was ready to explode and nothing else mattered except that feel of Lexa’s mouth against my skin. Her tongue then went to the deeps of her folds, completely exploring her. I closed my eyes because no one did that and even Bellamy didn’t make me feel so good. Lexa moved against her with fervor and the ecstasy increased as she dipped one finger inside still keeping her mouth on my clit. My eyes went backward and I gripped her head, twisting my fingers in her locks. Then she added another finger, curling them inside and my back arched up. I felt so close to falling apart and I bucked my hips and Lexa put her free hand to keep me in place.

As I came down from my high, I opened my eyes opened my eyes and found Lexa’s smirking face and I couldn’t resist not kissing her. This kiss was passionate and fierce and filled with lust and something more that Clarke couldn’t explain. I felt the need then to taste her too, so I placed my leg around back of Lexa’s leg and turned us around. 

Lexa was smiling looking at me incredulously, and I kissed her neck smirking at my move. 

\- You have too many clothes on… We need to fix that… - I said that while still kissing Lexa’s neck. The move was quick again and she turned me around to stand up and starting taking her clothes off. The shirt was off in seconds and pants too and then there she was, standing in front of in all her glory. Then she unclasped her black bra and took of her panties too. I just watched how beautiful, while she looked at me with a predatory look in her eyes but she already had her turn and I now it was mine. I wanted to taste her and I couldn’t wait more. I stood up and kissed her, then trailing my lips down to her neck and I turned her around, moving her hair out the way. Then I saw it, a beautiful tattoo on her back. That looked like something from sci-fi movie. – You have a tattoo? What is it? – I asked Lexa while running my hand over the exposed skin.

\- Yeah… It’s just something I imagined and had tattooed when I went to Europe. – She answered.

\- Do you have more? – I asked while I placed a kiss on top of Lexa’s back.

Lexa turned around in my hands and looked me in the eyes. – Why don’t you find out? – There it was that predatory look in her eyes and the smirk on her lips that made me feel so many things. Desire was high and I turned her around and place her down on the sheets. I wanted to taste every inch of Lexa’s body and I put my lips around her nipples, tasting the softness of her breast. 

My hand other hand moved to the sex and I touched her warmth feeling how wet it was. I looked in her eyes and hers eyes were closed, enjoying the feeling. I traced my fingers through her folds and made a circle motion that made her moan. Lexa twitched with every stroke of my fingers over her bundle of nerves and her stomach stretched and clutched. Then I kissed her where my finger was and enjoyed the moan Lexa let out of her lungs and that gave me incentive to go a little further and be more adventurous dipping two fingers inside her. 

Oh, god… Fuck! – Lexa gasped and twisted, putting her fingers over her eyes. Then she said something else but I didn’t understand anything since the feeling and taste of Lexa made my brain go numb. Her hips rocked against my fingers and I felt that her walls began to clench and I wanted to kiss her at the moment when she came undone.

\- Lexa! – I said and she opened her eyes. She was close so I put my other hand on her clit while I kissed her and some more flips, she came undone. I eased her down slowly, watching how she went from the most excited feeling to the smirk. A few moments passed and no one of us moved, and then I lied beside her. She pulled me closer and looked me in the eyes, silence very present around us and we tried to clear our mind. The real world started creeping on us.

This is crazy. – I said.

Lexa smiled and said; - I know, completely crazy…

\- But, it’s stronger than us… - I tried again, trying to break this silence that always surrounded us when a little sense returned to our mind.

\- Yes… You don’t have an idea how much I want to kiss you when I’m so close. – She was still looking at my eyes.

\- Me too. 

Lexa then came closer and kissed me pulling me closer. – I don’t want to leave this bed.

\- Me neither… - I put my hands around her neck.

\- What are we going to do? You love him… 

\- In this moment, I don’t know what I feel… - I dropped my head down and Lexa hugged me tightly.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I understood her because I was the same. I was so confused and with this I just ruined my friendship with Bellamy. My head was spinning and I started to panic. Suddenly I felt a need to get out of there, so I sat on the edge of the bed, leaving her in the bed. Nobody said anything. I saw her eyes full of tears and I wasn’t too far from shedding some tears. I didn’t know in that moment why… Is it because we betrayed Bellamy or because I left her there when I only wanted to lie beside her and continue kissing her. But, I couldn’t… So, after I dressed, I turned around to see her and said:

\- Be happy with Bellamy. – I took the rest of my stuff and got out from her apartment.


	6. Chapter 6

Hellooo, Lexaa!! Lexa! – Anya was trying to get my attention.

\- Yeah, yeah… What? 

\- In what world are you Lexa? I’m trying to get your attention for ten minutes…

\- I’m sorry Anya… I was just thinking… - I was just thinking about her; I was about to say, but why say it and especially to Anya… Nobody else should be involved in this story. – Do you need something?

\- You shouldn’t be so stressed, it’s bad for you. – She smiled. – Look, here you have some documents that need your review and signature. – She put a bunch of papers on my desk. – I just hope that you don’t go to your dream land again. – Anya said smirking while she went to her desk.

When the door closed, I took the papers and started reading but every time I tried being concentrated, I always returned to what happened yesterday. I couldn’t take her of my mind, her naked body beneath mine, her taste… Oh, God… What am I going to do? I stood up and I started walking up and down my office. I knew that leaving like that last night was bad, but if I stayed I would’ve made her mine again and again. But, I couldn’t… Bellamy was my friend and that one time was bad enough to ruin a friendship that lasted almost twenty years. I was back for like ten minutes and I slept with my friend’s fiancé. What kind of friend am I…? But, on the other side there was Clarke and she didn’t deserve such behavior… ‘Be happy with Bellamy’… I shouldn’t have said that, she did the same as me, in that bed, we both betrayed Bellamy.

I went to the mini bar and I poured myself a drink… I needed one or many. Then I went to the sofa and lied down. Pictures from last night still invaded my thoughts… I remembered how my hands were trailing her body, at what moves she moaned the loudest… And then, I heard the phone so I got up and answered; 

\- Yes, what do you need Anya? – I said harsher than I should.

\- Well… I don’t need anything, but you do have a Miss Octavia Blake here looking for you.

\- Okay… Let her in.

\- Ok.

I put the phone down and I sat in my chair waiting for Octavia to come in and some moments later, there she was. She entered and closed the door with her leg. She was mad.

\- What the hell was that last night; ‘’Yeah, sure Raven you can take her…’’ – She said imitating my voice. -That was total bullshit…

\- What?

\- Don’t be daft now… You know what you did... But, now tell me why the hell did you tell that Raven can take me home? I mean, did my face didn’t tell you not to do that.

\- So you didn’t want to go with her? – I pretended not to know what she was saying.

\- Aha, like I believe that face that you’re putting up…

\- Was it so bad? She just took you home… - I intended to repair the situation…

\- Lexa… It was bad. Please don’t do that anymore…

\- Did Raven do something? – I didn’t understand why she was so mad; it couldn’t be just for the ride.

Octavia put her hands over her face and said; - She tried to kiss me…

I tried to be serious this entire conversation, but this did it and I started laughing… - OMG, she did not? She does move fast.

\- Stop laughing! That’s not funny… - She said, but I could see a small smile creeping on her lips. 

\- You like her… I could tell… 

-What? Liking that play girl that only thinks about next girl that she will take to her bed… I prefer to fall in love with a chimpanzee… - Octavia was trying to be nonchalant, but I could tell that she was all but indifferent. But at least I didn’t think about Clarke.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

In the solitude of my room, lost in my sheets I didn’t want to get up… I didn’t want anything…I called in sick at work and I was, but not from any illness. I was sick of my thoughts. Through my thoughts she lived and since last night, she took residence. I tucked myself into the sheets to feel what is left from her scent and I didn’t get why I did that. She hurt me with her words. To be happy with Bellamy. She belittled me with that sentence and here I was, still thinking about her. Sill wanting to feel her kisses and touches, to feel her against me. Why? Why do that? Why looking for scent between my sheets? 

I sat on the edge of the bed and picked up my cell phone, insistently searching for a number... When I found it, I was paralyzed... I breathed deeply and I called, there was nothing left to do...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Okay… Now seriously, tell me why did you made me go with Raven? – Octavia asked me.

\- I don’t know… Maybe I thought that you could talk to each other.

\- Didn’t you think that she could do something to me?

I laughed – Come on… Raven? She wouldn’t do that. Don’t exaggerate.– This talk was boring and Octavia didn’t stop nagging me all the time why did I leave her with Raven. But, I could tell that she didn’t mean half of what she was telling me. I liked Raven and I wanted two of my best friends to be happy. Someone should be happy.

In that moment the conversation was interrupted by my phone and I walked to the desk to pick it up when I saw the name. It was her, Clarke was calling and I didn’t know what to do.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- What am I thinking… - I hung up and put the cell on the table. – I’m a fool. – I felled down on the bed and took once more the pillow that was under her. I wanted her and I couldn’t take her off my mind. Lexa’s fingers were so firm, yet so gentle and just thinking about that made my body shiver. Suddenly my phone started ringing and I jumped out of bed and answered, not looking at the name. – Is that you?

\- Ha-ha, of course it’s me love. – Bellamy said.

\- Hey Bellamy… - I was excited thinking that Lexa called and when I heard that it was Bellamy I wasn’t… That was wrong. I should be more excited to hear his voice, and when I went from being happy to hear his voice to wanting to hear someone else’s. 

-I called your office to invite you to lunch and they told me that you didn’t come in because you’re sick? What’s wrong love? – The worry was evident in his voice.

\- No… I’m not sick, but I have this headache. – Lie. Lately it’s too easy for me to lie.

\- That headache is going to stop you to come to dinner this evening with me?

\- I don’t know Bellamy… Maybe we can leave it for some other day?

\- Of course love, you rest up and we’ll talk tomorrow. – He always understood. – I’ll call you tomorrow to pick you up?

\- Okay.

\- I love you! Sleep well. 

\- Me too… - I told him but my confusion was bigger by minute and I didn’t know what I feel anymore. I hung up the phone and I stood there looking at it, trying to figure it out what I should do. I decided then to call one and only person who could help me.

\- Clarke? – Anya answered.

\- I need you Anya! – I was holding back tears, but barely.

\- Clarke, what’s happening? Are you hurt? Where are you?

\- I’m not. I’m in my apartment…

\- What’s happening? Did Bellamy do something? Why are you not at work? You’re not staying home, not even when you’re sick.

\- No… I did something, something bad.

\- What did you do Clarke?

Then I couldn’t hold my tears at bay and I started crying. Everything that happened broke my resistance and control and I couldn’t hold it. 

\- Clarke, did you and… Bellamy’s friend? – Anya asked hesitantly. – No, wait… I’ll come to you. I just have to ask my boss…

\- Ok… I’ll be here.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Lexa… You don’t even hear me… Lexa!! 

\- What? – I came back from my thoughts and heard Octavia calling me.

\- Since that call came through, you are not here with me anymore. Where did you go? And, if that call is so important that you think so much about it, why don’t you call them back?

\- No… It’s not necessary… Continue talking. – I took my eyes from the phone and then Anya knocked on the door and entered the office.

\- Sorry Lexa… I need to ask you something… - Anya said.

\- Okay… Ask.

\- I need to go out early… My friend is bad and I need to be there for her and I would love to go out if you’ll let me… - She was babbling, nervous present in her voice.

\- Anya, Anya… Stop.– I tried to stop her babbling. – Of course you can go.

\- Thank you Lexa! I’ll ask Wilma, secretary of your father to cover your calls too.

\- Okay, thanks. Now go, don’t let your friend wait.

\- Thanks! – Anya was excited and that made for some reason happier. I watched her go and then I turned my attention on Octavia again. – What do you think we go and have lunch??

\- Okay, I’m in the mood for sushi. – She stood up and we went to have lunch, part of my thoughts still on that call. But I resigned, she hung up and I thought that it wasn’t a good idea to call her back.

After lunch, I came back to the office to do some more work. I saw the documents Anya left and started reviewing them, but then my cell rang again and I thought it was her again. I picked up the phone and saw Bellamy’s name on it. I thought not to answer, but since I knew him I always answered his calls.

\- Bellamy? – I said.

\- Ha-ha, are you at work? 

\- Yeah, I’m finishing reviewing some documents…

\- Do you want to escape and come take some bears with me? – Bellamy asked.

\- Ha-ha, it’s Monday and it’s only lunch time. 

\- Yeah… Today is not my day…

\- Bellamy is everything okay? – He wasn’t is usual good guy in a great mood and it was noticeable.

\- Yea… I am just worried about Clarke… Something is wrong with her and I can’t get to her, she has this wall around herself and it’s impenetrable.

The worry was evident in his voice and I couldn’t feel blame. I knew what was wrong because if she was feeling like I do, then her guilt is big. – Bellamy… - I tried to say but then he interrupted me.

\- No… Don’t worry. It my problem and like she says it’s probably nothing… Okay, then if you don’t want to go out now, you’re going out with us tomorrow.

\- With us, who? – I asked with the levels of my anxiety rising.

\- Octavia, Raven, Clarke, me, Clarke’s friend…

I couldn’t say no and I knew there are going to be some problems if I went, so I tried avoiding… - I don’t know… I need to take couple of night to solve… - Bellamy interrupted me again.

\- No, no… You can’t avoid us Lexa; we are too good company to pass. You have to come and we’re going dancing and drinking.

-Ha-ha, okay, okay… I’ll come. See you!

\- Buy Lexa. – He said and hung up. I stayed in my thoughts for some time. I couldn’t go and see her again, especially with Bellamy there. She was acting strange and he noticed something is wrong. No, no, I can’t go there… So, I shake off my thoughts and go back to the papers. I really need to finish them.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I was talking with Anya nearly two hours now and I told her about everything that happened with Lexa in this apartment last night.

\- Clarke… That’s… I don’t know what to say. – Anya was lost for words and that not happen often.

\- Wow… You’re without words… This is really bad.

\- I mean… Do you even love Bellamy? I don’t think that you could’ve done that and felt everything with this Bellamy’s friend if you love him.

\- Anya please don’t…

\- What? I’m just asking…

\- I’m feeling pretty bad; don’t make me feel worse…

\- Clarke you have his ring on your finger and you are a step from a wedding and you slept with your boyfriend’s best friend.

I watched the ring and felt just sadness… - Anya… I don’t what to do…

She hugged me and said then. – I get it, but think about it… Do you still have feelings for Bellamy?

\- I… I like Bellamy, he’s a sweetheart. – I tried to explain, but no matter how much I thought about that I couldn’t know for sure.

\- But, the question is, do you love him Clarke?

\- In this moment I don’t know… I know just that I feel something for Bellamy, and I know that I feel something for her… But, it’s something very different.

\- Okay… I just hope that you clear your mind and soon…

We continued talking for some time and not only about last night. Anya was telling me about her new job and a new boss and I was about to ask her what was her bosses name when a bell on my door rang. I got up and went to open and it was Octavia. 

\- Octavia… What are you doing here?

\- I need to talk to you… I need some help. 

\- About? – It was very rare thing for Octavia to visit me… I think that she was about two times at my place since I’m dating Bellamy.

\- I wanted to ask you some questions about love and I can’t ask my brother or Lexa… and I especially can’t ask Raven… You are in a stable relationship and I thought that maybe you can help me.

Anya came from the back and asked: - Clarke who is it? With whom are you talking? – And, then she saw Octavia. – You? What are you doing here?

\- I… Wait, what are you doing here? – Octavia was confused and she asked Anya.

\- Wait, wait… You two know each other? – I was confused to… I never introduced them. – 

\- Yeah… Well no… How do you know her? – Octavia asked me.

\- She is my best friend… Now tell me how you know each other…

\- Well, she’s Lexa’s assistant, or am I wrong? – Octavia looked at Anya.

\- No… You’re not wrong… Lexa Woods is my boss. I told you Clarke earlier about her… How do you know her Clarke? – Anya was looking at me and I felt my whole body freeze at her words.

\- She’s Bellamy’s sister… And Lexa is Bellamy’s friend… - That couldn’t be and this coincidence is impossible…Right?

\- Friend? She’s the friend, Bellamy’s best friend… I mean they were inseparable before Lexa went to Europe. They are so good together and that was always like that, they know each other for so long time. Our parent did some work together and before Lexa exited the closet; our parents always thought they would get together. – Octavia kept talking and Anya was just looking at me. She couldn’t believe it either… She understood that the girl I cheated Bellamy with, his best friend, is her boss Lexa Woods


	7. Chapter 7

She was strange all day. Her behavior was weird. She would come to my office and she wouldn’t say anything, just leaving the papers. Sometimes she would look at me strangely, with a look that would make someone think twice before talking to her, the look that kills. 

I was so immersed in my work, but I couldn’t help not noticing Anya and her death look. Beside her I had one more woman on my mind. Clarke and everything that happened with her… I passed the night thinking about her and everything that happened. I wanted to call her, but I knew that I couldn’t. It wasn’t fair to Bellamy and all that I did was wrong. But, there still something there I couldn’t deny. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and this evening I’m going to see her again.

Anya interrupted my thoughts again when she entered my office and put some papers on my desk. – You need to sign these…

\- Okay… - I took the papers and started signing them not even looking what did it said and she just took it and started walking towards the exit. – Wait. – I said. – Is something wrong?

\- What could be wrong? – She looked at me with this killer look.

It wasn’t the same Anya like always and I had to do something about that… - You know… I did something to anger you, but I don’t know what… Tell me. I have enough on my head to; I don’t need this too…

\- Why is that Miss Woods? What problems could you have?

\- .Miss Woods? Okay… You really are angry…

-What reason I would have to be angry Miss Woods? I’m just doing my job. – She didn’t relent, and I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy.

\- Oh boy… Tell me Anya… I know that something is wrong. Is this about my father, that girl from yesterday…? Because she’s just a good friend. – Anya was just looking at me and she still didn’t say anything. – Is it something personal? Your friend from yesterday?

\- Ahhh, omg… Yeah this is about my friend… This is about my friend Clarke. – She told me her name and I froze. How could she know her? It’s impossible. 

\- What? Clarke? You… 

\- You at least know her name…

\- I… You know Clarke? – I still can’t believe it.

\- Well, first… Clarke is my best friend… My best friend on this entire world and if you continue hurting her… I’ll forget that you are my boss and I’m going to kill you. I couldn’t believe yesterday when I heard that you are Bellamy’s best friend… The last possible person that I could believe to do what you did. 

I had to stop her because I still didn’t know how that is possible… - She told you everything?

\- We don’t have secrets…

I breathed deeply to try to exit this nightmare but I couldn’t because I was awake and it still was a nightmare… - Then she told you why I left her apartment that night?

\- That… She doesn’t know why…

I leaned on the chair and put my hands over my eyes. – Everything that happened just happened... I don’t know… I never acted like that and I never lose control like that. When some of logic came back to my mind, I acted like fool and I ran…

\- Like a fool?

\- Yeah… I wanted to save somehow my friendship with Bellamy… I don’t know how and I acted like a complete fool running away from her.

\- Lexa… - Anya was trying to say something but I didn’t notice.

\- I ran away and that was the last thing that I wanted…

\- So, do you feel something for her?

What did I feel? How could I answer that question when I didn’t know… - I don’t know Anya…?! I don’t… Does she? – I looked at Anya to see if she knew something, but she didn’t say anything, so I continued. – You see… She doesn’t know either. Everything is so confusing.

Anya was just looking at me… Something was happening, like she understood something.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

That day I went to work and I felt better after my talk with Anya. She calmed me down about what happened last night, so I decided to go to work. I work for the most famous art gallery in New York and my work was always very important to me, especially when so many people was against me working this kind of job, starting with my mother. The elevator stopped at my floor and I started walking towards my office, my assistant coming to meet me mid-way. 

\- Clarke! I hope that you’re feeling better. – My assistant Jasper asked me.

\- Yeah… I’m better. Do I have something on the books?

\- Okay and yes… You have to talk to Linda Meyers about her show; she still owes us one more piece… 

\- Okay, and messages? – I sat at my desk and there were some papers for me to sign, 

\- Yes, your messages are there on the table and your fiancé called yesterday.

\- Yeah… I already talked to him… Thanks, and if someone calls me or looks for me, I’m at a meeting or something.

\- Anybody, even your fiancé? – Jasper asked me confusedly.

\- Especially him…

\- Problems in paradise? – I loved Jasper and he was a good assistant, but he was sometimes too involved in my life.

\- No… I just have some plans on my mind and I would like to work on my art to, so I can’t be disturbed. 

\- Oh, okay. 

\- That’s all, you can go. – I leaned on my chair and I wanted to concentrate on work and disperse these thoughts that didn’t let me sleep… My office was silent, and I was watching the through the window and I wanted to erase thoughts about Lexa. Her touches, kisses… I wanted to understand what the moment that changed it all was. Every thought about that returned me to the first time I talked with her over the phone. That night when she was back and we talked, her voice left something in me. Something that I couldn’t explain and what only increased with every touch and kiss.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Anya… Thank you for not killing me. – I stopped her when she moved towards the door.

\- That wouldn’t be good for society, and my friend would kill me. – She winked.

\- What else did she tell you?

\- I think that’s between my friend and I and Miss Woods… - She smiled. – If you want to know something you have to talk to her. I can only tell you, there is something that you and Clarke have to discover and that’ll only happen when you talk.

\- Discover what? – I asked confusedly.

\- You’ll see… - She smiles once more and left my office.

I rested in my chair and I thought about Anya’s words. What are we going to discover? How could I be more confused after this talk with Anya? Clarke told her everything about us, I was sure of that. But, discover what?

Few hours later I entered ’’Arcadia’’ night club. People were dancing and the music was loud, but the atmosphere was good and I looked around to find my friends. They were in VIP lounge and it looked that they were all present and Anya was there too. I knew that one of Clarke friends will be joining us tonight and after finding out that Clarke and Anya were friends, I knew it that she’s the friend.

She stood up and approached me to say hello, which I answered giving her a hug and a kiss in the cheek. – Hi Anya. 

\- You know each other? – Bellamy asked.

\- I wanted to know too… - Raven said, and Octavia nudged her.

\- No one asked you anything… - Octavia said.

\- You either… - Raven answered Octavia with an angry tone.

\- I at least know how they know each other…

\- Oh, miss know it all… But, no one asked you.

\- Enough… We’re not listening you argue again, and you two seat down… - Bellamy said.

We sat and round of drinks started coming… Raven and Octavia went dancing, separated of course… The rest of us stayed at the table. I was watching her and I thought that she is more beautiful now, if that’s even possible… I wanted to kiss her and make her mine. No, no… I can’t think like that…

\- I’ll be back… - I got up from my seat…

\- You are going to find some girl? – Bellamy asked.

\- Something like that… - In reality, I just needed to step away from them because I felt like I was going to kiss her, and to hell my friendship with Bellamy. I started walking and wanted to leave the club, but that wouldn’t be fair. So, I walked a around the club, looking at people… Some of them were alone, dancing. Some of them were couples dancing without any space between them. I went towards the toilets and suddenly I felt like someone is following me, so I went into one of the rooms in that hallway.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- What are you doing? – Anya said to my ear after Lexa left.

\- What? – I was confused.

She looked at me with a face of; what are you doing still here… go after her. I was speechless, she was never like this and from when I told her what happened with Lexa she only reproached me. What changed? Why does she want now that I go after her? Since she found out that Bellamy’s best friend is Lexa, she somehow changed and I didn’t know what. I had a feeling that she talked with Lexa, but did Lexa say something to her? 

\- Clarke, you should go after her and talk. Come on, I won’t reproach you. – Anya said.

\- But Bellamy… - I looked towards Bellamy who was talking with Raven about how Octavia danced with some guy on the floor, clearly making Raven jealous.

\- I’ll distract him… - I smiled to her and got up, ready to walk in Lexa’s direction when Bellamy asked me... 

\- Where to love?

\- To the bathroom… - I said.

\- Ok. – He said and returned talking with Raven,

I walked to the dance floor following Lexa in her white top and tight black pants. Her white top, under the fluorescent lights, looked purple and my eyes didn’t leave her back. I noticed that she went towards the bathrooms and stepped up my step, trying to get her. But some people came in front of my eyesight and suddenly, she was gone. I walked a little more, not seeing her anywhere and she couldn’t get to the bathrooms so fast. I stood in the middle of the hallway when I felt how someone takes my hand and pulls me towards the door that should be closed… I closed my eyes, scared out of my mind when I heard how someone locks the door. Next thing I felt is when my back hit the door behind me and a breath of a person on my face. I dared to open my eyes and only thing I saw in front of me was beautiful green eyes. 

\- Lexa…

\- Why are you following me? – She was looking me in the eyes and standing very close near my body.

I didn’t know what to answer; my heart was beating so fast and in a moment I felt like it was going to exit my chest. Her eyes were mesmerizing and making me feel crazy… I tried to concentrate and to organize my mind, but I couldn’t when our lips were so close.

\- I didn’t follow you… - I tried to look anywhere else and I saw that we were in some closet where the club kept theirs stuff for parties.

\- Yes you were… Admit it Clarke…

\- Lexa, do you think that the world turns around you? I was going to the bathroom… - I didn’t want to give her that pleasure of accepting defeat. The fact that she left me in my bed still hurt.

\- You’re lying Clarke… I know that you were following me. – She came so close, close enough to speak to my ear.

I breathed deeply… My skin was bristling and my heart about to explode. I pushed her, trying to move her, but I couldn’t. Not because she didn’t want to move, but my will to move her was equal to zero.

\- Lexa, please…

\- Please, what?

I didn’t know what to answer… I didn’t even know that I’ve been pleading for… My mind was saying; please move away… But, my heart was pleading; kiss me now. I looked at her eyes; maybe Lexa could see in my eyes and help me decide…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

She looked at me and I felt like electricity came through me… It was like her eyes were telling me to kiss her, yelling actually. I breathed deeply, trying to clear my mind. Where my control did went?

\- What do you want? – I asked Clarke trying to have some sense of control.

\- I want to talk with you… - Her body was shaking…

\- What to you want? Do you want for me to say that I’m sorry? What happened between us happened because we both wanted it…

\- I know that… - She said.

\- Clarke… - I looked again in her eyes. – Don’t you see that when we are so close, we practically are begging each other to kiss the other? 

\- Why don’t you do it then?

\- Because it’s crazy… Because after me we do that you’ll go and seat beside him and you won’t say me any word for the rest of the night…

\- Yeah… It’s crazy… - I looked down, not having any more strength to look her eyes.

I put my hand beneath her chin and I lift her face toward mine…- It’s so crazy and yes here I am, wanting nothing more than to be crazy.

\- And the rude reality?

\- Fuck reality… - I came even closer, leaning her completely on the door behind her and I felt how her breathing accelerated. She was trying to look anywhere except in my direction trying to hide her nervous.


	8. Chapter 8

I couldn’t take it anymore… Her body so close to mine, woke up in me the desire that was present since the first time when we kissed.

\- I don’t… I don’t know what’s happening… - For the first time in my adult life, I have lost control and I didn’t know what to do.

\- Me too… - Lexa’s lips were so close that I could feel her hot breath on mine lips.

\- Then… What are we going to do?

\- What do you want to do Clarke? – She asked like the decision is so easy…

\- I want… - I breathed deeply. – I just want to see how this is going to turn out… My mind is telling me let you go, to move far away from you…But, there is something inside me that is yelling to tell you, to beg you to kiss me. – I didn’t know why I said it… No, no… I knew why. It was because I couldn’t take one more second without kissing her.

So, I did it. I kissed her. I hugged her neck, because I didn’t want her to get away. I wanted her body pressed against my body and her lips to never stop kissing me in that dark room where only our breathing could be heard. She was passing her fingers over my naked leg meanwhile keeping up steady.

\- Are you sure that you want this? – Lexa separated for a moment to ask me…

\- Yes, even if that’s not what mind is saying me to do. -Then I felt her lips again.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I kissed her with mad desire. Her answer was all that I needed and I knew the level of her confusion. It was like mine. But, we couldn’t deny what this was, and in this moment I didn’t care about anything or anyone. Fuck reality.

\- I just… think… that we… can’t tell anyone about… this… - Clarke said between the kisses.

\- Why? 

She separated for a moment. – Lexa, if Bellamy finds out…

\- He won’t marry you anymore? – I felt something… Maybe it was jealousy… No, it can’t be.

\- No… He’ll kill you.

\- Tell me something Clarke… Do you love him?

\- I don’t know… - She said dropping her eyes down.

\- And, do you feel something for me?

\- I don’t know that either… Do you know? – She asked now, and I had to answer something…

\- I have a lot of feelings… I don’t know how to explain them all. But, there is one that is pretty clear. – I put my lips one hers. – I want you! – I kissed her then…- I want to see too where this is heading. – Kiss. - I don’t want to care about anything. I just want this. – Kiss. – Are you ready for that?

\- Yes, I am.

That was it. That was the answer that made this possible and the deal to continue with this crazy story. She accepted our fate, and I… I’ve decided to let go and fall into this darkness… Then I kissed her again, I kissed her like my life depended from her. The heat was increasing, the clothes were an obstacle, but neither of us was making any step to take it off. She had one of her hands under my t-shirt and the other around my neck and I put my hand beneath her skirt looking for the heat. I wanted to taste her again because I felt that only thing that could satisfy my passion was her taste. With one move I put my hand in her underwear, feeling how wet she was. I moved my fingers in a circle over her bundle of nerves feeling how she started rocking her hips.

\- If we don’t stop here, we are going to… and they are going to notice… I said not taking my fingers from her.

\- Don’t stop, please! – She hugged me stronger.

\- Clarke, they are going to notice…

\- Lexa… - She opened her eyes, desire clear in her eyes. –Anya said she is going to cover for us.

\- Anya, really? I didn’t think that she would do that. – I kissed her.

\- Me neither… - She then pinched my nipple like pleading for me to continue. I closed my eyes enjoying the feeling.

\- You convince me so easily… - I kissed her again, speeding up my movements. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I watched her eyes and I smiled at that comment accepting her kisses. Also, I knew that there is something different, because, with one smile she could return my spirit and to awake my want. Desire that made me act like I never did before. To make me do something that I never could think it was possible to do, to cheat. She took a lock of my face and she smirked. That smirk made me melt inside and then she came even closer to bite my lip and I left out a silent moan. Lexa then kissed me, and that kiss started slow but then it picked up speed. I put my fingers in her hair holding on to her for my dear life. 

She then started a path, kissing my neck to the valley of my breasts and I moaned, which was involuntary but I couldn’t help it. She was driving me crazy. I arched my back, wanting her closer… I needed her to not to leave and it was like she heard my silent plea.

\- I’m not going anywhere… I’m here. – Lexa said between kisses.

\- I need you!

\- Me too Clarke… I need to feel you. – She went again to the edge of my skirt and pulled my panties down. She then smiled and got on her knees, putting her lips on the most sensitive part of my body and I felt heat spreading all over my body. I started rocking my hips and I knew that I won’t last long and I wanted her closer to me so I grabbed her hair, giving her a signal to come up. I wanted to feel her too and I did it when she got up. I opened the buttons on her pants and put my hand inside, feeling her warmth and wetness. Lexa then moaned and I felt that moan go straight to my core. We moved in sync and she then kissed me. I couldn’t take it more; I felt the orgasm is close. 

In that room I could only hear our breathing and because of that, the temperature was rising, meanwhile our bodies were standing close, very close. I felt like I’m going to touch the sky and in that second I felt how my body started convulsing. I let out a voice, but then she kissed me and like that she suffocated my moans and hers. 

We stayed like that for couple of minutes, just enjoying our closeness feeling lost in our little bubble. For that time we felt… happy? Is that even possible? I didn’t know, but the thing I knew was that I didn’t want to leave her and the safety that her hug was providing me.

\- We have to go… - Lexa said.

\- No… I want to be here with you.

\- Clarke… - She lifted my head to see her eyes. – Don’t you think that I don’t want that? But, Anya can’t cover us for too long.

\- Yeah… You’re right. – I accepted her reasoning and started fixing my hair and pulling up my panties. She fixed her clothes and hair too. I turned around to see this room once more and I laughed seeing costumes for Halloween. 

Lexa hugged me from behind and kissed my neck. – What’s so funny?

\- What were you thinking by entering here?

\- I don’t know… I felt like someone was following me and I just entered. – She smiled.

I turned in her arms, looking at her eyes. – And, then you pulled me inside?

\- Don’t come too close… I may forget that we need to go out and keep you here all night.

\- Okay. – I laughed and made a little step back. – But, what are going to do? We were here pretty long. 

Lexa leaned her forehead on mine and said. – You’ll go to bathroom and fix your make up. You’ll put some lipstick on your swollen lips from our kisses and a little concealer on your neck from my kisses, and you’ll pass a brush through your hair that got messed up with my fingers. – She smiled.

I smiled and then I kissed her lips one more time before walking towards the door, but suddenly I felt her hand holding mine and then she pulled me towards her. Her face was now very close to mine.

\- I don’t want that this night ends here… - Lexa said.

\- Any suggestions? – I smiled.

\- I can come to your place later…

\- Hmm… -I acted like I had to think about it. – That sounds interesting. 

\- I suppose that Bellamy will take you home and when he’s gone… Call me. 

\- Okay… - I gave one more peck on the lips and I exited that room that contained all ours secrets. I went to the bathroom to fix evidence of our passion.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I was in shock… Clarke was so… I don’t know. I don’t have words to describe her. That, what happened in that room was high on the list of insane things that someone could do. I had to get out of there and I tried the best I could to fix myself. After I opened the door and looked around… There was now one and I went out and walked to the bar again. I ordered a drink trying to give Clarke some more time to fix her makeup.

\- Where did you go? – Raven appeared from behind me and leaned next to me on the bar.

\- What? – I swallowed my drink.

\- I looked for you in the club. Did you find some girl? – She watched me with a smirk on her face.

\- Sorry… That’s private… - I tried to look nonchalant.

Raven laughed. – Okay. – She then orders a drink for herself. – Just, going in the dark with your friend’s fiancé… It’s risky…

\- What? – I dropped my glass and I turned around to see her. She then started laughing and I didn’t know why… I mean, if she caught us… Why is she laughing?

\- It’s just a joke Lexa. – Raven continued laughing. – You obviously have nothing with that girl, I just said it because she left in the same time like you… - She didn’t stop laughing. – I mean you and that controlling girl… Yeah right…

I finally could breathe again and I smiled. – You and your jokes… 

She laughed again. – If only you could see your face, it was hilarious. Like you would go to the dark with Clarke…

\- That’s not a joke.

\- Okay Lexa… - Raven smiled. – I found some girls too, but I’m not in the mood tonight…

\- That’s a first. – I felt that not the truth and Raven is hiding something. – Maybe it’s because there is someone special? Maybe her name is Octav…

\- Don’t even say it… Yes, it’s her and it’s not like I’m in love but it’s driving me crazy that she’s completely cold…

\- Hit in your pride? – I tried like that, but I knew that’s not it.

\- Yes and no… I don’t know. – Raven had this look on her face and I knew that look.

\- But, you two had something?

\- Yeah…

\- Raven, why did you two break up? – I never asked that but this seemed like an opportunity.

\- There were some reasons, and by reasons I mean… Some girls…

\- You cheated? 

\- If you ask her, yes, but… No, I didn’t. Octavia just thinks that I cheated because she saw me flirting with this girl from work and I just didn’t do anything to convince her. – For a genius, Raven was being stupid when it’s about Octavia.

\- Rae… You like her and that’s noticeable. You really should do something about that because what you could have with Octavia only happens once in a life time. Seize it and be happy. – I saw how Clarke passed near us and went to the table. She sat near Bellamy, but not so close like earlier.

\- I don’t know Lexa… What if she doesn’t want me anymore?

\- Try it… You won’t regret it. – I wanted them being happy, they deserved it.

\- Ok…. Now, let’s go to the table. They missed us, for sure.

\- Yeah, for sure. – I laughed.

I was in my car, waiting for Clarke to call. I dropped off Octavia and Anya, Bellamy asked me to do it while he drops off Clarke. It’s wasn’t a problem and here am I now, waiting for Bellamy to leave and for Clarke to call me. Bellamy was there for some time and it’s not that I’m jealous, but what is he doing there all this time. But then, I saw how Bellamy is walking towards his car and I was about to hide my car when I heard the phone.

\- He’s gone… - Clarke said when I answered.

\- Finally… - I said trying to appear nonchalant.

She laughed. – Are you jealous?

\- I’m not jealous, I just want you and you’re taking your time calling me.

\- Well… Come now.

\- Give me five minutes.– I parked the car in the parking lot of her building and I took the elevator to her apartment and I was about to ring the bell, when she opened the door. We stayed there for some moments, just looking at each other. I couldn’t take it anymore so I made a step towards her, taking her in my arms and kissing her. I lift her and brought her to the couch meanwhile I closed the door. I place her down to the couch and then I lied over her.

\- Now, tell me why did it take you so long to call me? – I said with playful tone.

\- I had to wait for Bellamy to leave… It’s wasn’t that long.– She smiled sensing my playful tone.

\- I think that you just wanted to drive me crazy… Am I right Clarke?

\- You don’t have any evidence of that… -She was still smiling, trying to appear innocent.

\- But, I know the truth. – I was smiling now and then I kissed her because I wasn’t capable of holding out anymore. My hands started exploring her body, one hand trailing the line of her body and the other on her beautiful breasts.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I was lost in hers touches. She could command my body any way she wanted, wild or gentle and tender. I didn’t know how but she made me feel a specter of feelings. I then pulled her top trying to get more contact, to feel her skin against mine. Soon it was on the floor, followed by mine blouse and after a few minutes of the fiery passion, all of our clothes were gone.

\- Let’s go to the bedroom… - I was trying to say while Lexa was kissing my neck. – It’s a little uncomfortable here. She raised me in her arm and took me to my room and then she laid me down settling on top of me.

\- Is this better? – Lexa smiled watching me with those eyes that were so blown, that there was only a sliver of green.

\- So much better. – I put my hands around her neck and I felt how she takes off my bra and throws him behind us on the floor, meanwhile she was kissing the valley of my breasts making me moan from pleasure. After my bra, she took the edge of my panties and pulled them down gentle caressing my skin. My entire body shuddered because what she did with her fingers was so unimaginable and so magic, that only simple touch made me convulse of satisfaction. 

I felt insatiable and with undeniable desire to feel her inside me, so I took her hand and moved her towards my sex, wanting to feel more.

Lexa laughed and spoke with the most sensual tone of voice when she realized what I am doing. – Where’s the hurry?

\- You are an expert in torturing me. 

\- Don’t do anything, just enjoy. – She said while she inserted two fingers in my sex. I groaned and the hand that was on her back, clenched. 

I felt like the universe trembled, and even more when she started moving and clenching her fingers inside me. It was so sensual and pleasurable. I began to convulse, and my body didn’t respond to the orders of my mind that were telling me to hold in and not to finish so fast. Like feeling what I’m about to do, she slowed down her movements and then kissed her way down my body to replace her finger on my clit. I started moving my hips not capable of holding it in more. The levels of my satisfaction reaching the highest possible level and I let go of everything. I reached an incredible orgasm, the one that only Lexa could give me. I thought that my moans could be heard by my neighbors, when she came up and kissed me.

In that moment, I felt an incredible strength so I surprised her, turning her on her back. She looked at me from beneath me with a smirk on her face.

\- What are you doing? – Lexa asked me.

\- You had your fun, now it’s my turn. – With a smile on my face, I started kissing down her body.


	9. Chapter 9

Sun was coming in through the window and I opened my eyes feeling safe and comforted in her arms. There was one more feeling that I couldn’t explain at that moment, but I couldn’t help it to smile at the thought of how nice is to wake up in hers arms. I cuddled it back in her arms, closing my eyes and feeling more close to Lexa. Few moments late I felt her moving and she checked if I was sleeping and then her laugh was heard through the room. I couldn’t help it and I shivered hearing her laugh, now a tone louder. 

\- I know that you are awake. – So, I opened my eyes and I settled on the bed turning my body towards her smiley face. – Why are you pretending to be asleep? 

\- I wanted to continue dreaming…

Her smile became bigger. – Yeah? And, what did you dream about.

\- That I had a very pleasurable and hectic night…

\- Well… That’s so strange, because I dreamed the same thing. – Lexa smiled. – Maybe it happened?

\- I don’t know… I… It felt to perfect for something real…

She put a hand under my chin and raised my face up to look in her eyes. – I could show you in this moment that it did…

\- Try it… - She then kissed me, moving over me and caressing the line of my body. It was so perfect; our bodies were moving in sync, skin on skin. Then, suddenly she looked at my eyes and said 

\- Did you know that in mornings, you look hyper sensual?

\- No, no one told me…

\- Clarke, you look more than a nymph… A goddess… A muse…

\- If I look like that then I can’t compare you with anything because every time I see you, your beauty takes my breath away. – Then she straddles my hips and kisses me. I kiss her back and my entire body is tingling with anticipation. The fever of last night’s desire has returned and I could feel my heart pounding against the rib cage, I’m almost trembling with it. She kisses my neck then, nipping and sucking, trying not to leave any marks and I moaned. – Oh, that’s so good. I love that.

\- And, I love it when you moan. – I pull her more to me by her ass, pressing her against my body and kissing her sloppy in urgency to touch more. So, I turn her around and laying her on the sheets, and starting a trail of kisses down her body. Kissing her breasts, belly, down to her thighs and I’m about to drop my lips on the inner of her thigh’s when she speaks again. – I can’t take too much, please.

I press my mouth on her core and I’m enveloped by her slick heat so then I run my tongue up her in one long stroke. Her taste is so special that can’t help it but moan and then I slip two fingers in her, meanwhile licking her now swollen bundle of nerves. Lexa swears and moans and hearing that, I’m relentless. I want her to come undone in my mouth. She throws her head back and starts to shake.

\- Ohhh, my God! – She then raises her head and looks at me and I watch her how she finally orgasms. It’s the most erotic scene that I have ever seen and so intimate. I remove my fingers slowly and then I kiss her down there one more time and then her inner thigh wiping the rest of her arousal. I go up her body and rest next to her, my head propped by my hand. I was looking her face and it was meetifull of bliss.

\- Hey… - I said.

\- Hi. – Lexa smiled. – We can’t be in the same room, alone, for five minutes without doing it.

I laughed and then I felt her hand one my thing working her way towards my core, but then my eyes fell on the clock and I stopped her hand. – I think we don’t have time for that… 

Lexa lifted her eyes looking around the room. – What’s the time?

\- A little after eight…

\- Shit… The meeting… - She got up and started dressing herself. –I have to be at the office at nine, and I have to go home to change and shower…

\- You can shower here… - I said from the bed, watching Lexa looking for her clothes and dressing.

\- I would love that, but I have to change my clothes… - She went out the room and then coming back with our clothes that we threw in living room last night. Lexa then came to the bed and said - Last night was the best night of my life. – She kissed me then. – I’ll call you later, okay?

\- Yeah… - I nodded. Something in me didn’t give me peace… I didn’t know if it were because I wanted some more time in her arms this morning or it’s the fact that I wanted to say something more.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Everyone around me was talking and talking and I was somewhere else… My dad talked something about new account and I just nodded my head when I heard my name. Anya was very entertaining watching my zombie face and she was taking notes about everything that happened in the meeting, and I was thinking about the only thing that I have thought since I was back from London. She, Clarke was the main thing that was always on my mind and now I could only thing about what happened last night and this morning. Suddenly everyone in that meeting was getting up and moving around the room. The meeting was over and I started walking to my office, but before I went out I got from my father one; what’s going on with you?

\- Nothing… Why do you ask? – I answered trying to seem like I’m in control.

\- You acted like a zombie in that meeting and you weren’t at home last night… What’s going on Lexa? 

\- Well… If I was acting like zombie, it’s because I didn’t sleep well last night.

\- Okay, but you need to concentrate and I’m not telling you this like a father. I’m telling you this like your boss, no… Like a partner. You should concentrate more and get us this account.

\- Yeah, I know…

\- Lexa, I know that you are professional and that you are careful because I saw your work in London and this is not you. Something is going on with you.

\- Everything is okay dad… I’m on it and I already have something that’ll help us land this account. – I then went out feeling the eyes of my father glued on my back. I went to my office and I fell on the sofa. My head was full of memories and I stood there, only thinking about last night and how great it was being with Clarke. In my mind I traced her body again, her perfect body, moving in sync with mine.

Anya entered, at that moment, in my office and smiled seeing me down on the sofa. – Lexa? What are you doing?

\- What? 

\- Wake up! 

\- Sorry… - I sat normally on the sofa and looked at Anya. – Do you need something?

Anya took a seat on the coffee table in front of me and said. – Well, I wanted to tell you that you don’t have to worry about the meeting, I took notes… - She gave me her notebook. – And… I wanted to ask you how was it last night… But, I think that your behavior is saying a lot about it.

I smiled looking in Anya’s eyes. – Clarke is… amazing… She is… I don’t know… - Smile still present on my face.

\- Too much information… - For effect she put her hands over her ears.

I laughed. – Thank you!

\- What for?

\- You covered for us last night, I appreciate that.

\- It’s okay, but I don’t want that to happen again.

\- Okay. It won’t. – I wanted to guarantee that promise, but I knew that I couldn’t with our situation.

\- You’re going to stay a secret?

\- Yeah… I mean what else… She’s engaged to Bellamy and he is my best friend. We don’t want anybody to know and to hurt him… This is only desire… Passion…

\- Only desire, only passion? – She was looking with a face that was yelling; you don’t actually believe that?

\- Yeah… - I answered not very sure in that answer.

\- Ok…Anya went to the door, but before she exited she turned around and asked me. – Lexa… Do you know someone in the field of advertising?

\- Yes… But, he’s in London. Why?

\- Well… Your father is looking for someone for that campaign that we’ll get from New Zeeland and he can’t find anyone that he likes.

\- That’s not your assignment…

\- But, it’s Wilma’s and I wanted to help…

I smiled. – Okay… I’ll see with my friend… I’ll have to convince him to come here from London.

\- I’ll owe you… and Wilma too…

I laughed. – Okay Anya.

\- Lexa, just so you know… I covered for you and Clarke because I still think that you have to discover something.

\- What?

\- I’m sorry… That’s for you to find out and for me to dot, dot, dot… - She smiled and got out from my office. She left me with doubt yet again and I didn’t know what to think… What she wanted to say? Then I wanted to hear Clarke… It wasn’t even three hours and I miss her. I needed to hear her voice, so I took out my cell and called her. 

The phone rand twice and then she answered - Hello. Lexa? Are you there?

\- Clarke… - Then there was awkward silence. One of those silences, when one doesn’t know what to say, or you have so many things to say and you don’t know where to start. 

She was the one to break the ice. – We act like teenagers that call someone they like and don’t know what to say. – Clarke then laughed.

\- Yeah… You’re right. – I laughed too. – Do you have any plans for lunch? I’m kind of hungry…

She laughed again when she understood the double meaning of my words. – What an appetite… 

\- You know that I didn’t have any this morning…

\- Yeah, I know… I have vivid memory of mine…

\- Clarke, that’s not fair. I want mine too.

\- Well then, maybe we can arrange something… But are you sure that you can satisfy your appetite in a lunch break?

\- I’ll have to work with the time I have.

\- Okay Lexa… I accept your invitation for lunch. Where are we going?

\- I’ll pick you up. Give me the address…- She told me her address.

\- Wait for me at the end of the block… You know, that no one sees us…

\- Okay. I’ll see you then Clarke. – We hung up and I really felt like a teenager. She woke up so many things in my body and some of them I didn’t felt for a long time. I couldn’t wait for the lunch, because I wanted to see her and again, alone. 

I dispersed my mind, leaving it for later because I had promised Anya that I’ll call my friend Monty. So, I looked in my cell and when I found it, I called him.

\- Hello, Lexa? 

\- Hey Monty! How are you doing?

\- Well, I’m at work and you?

\- I’m in New York, working with my father and I maybe have a job for you…

\- Really? Is it something good?

\- Yes, but are you willing to transfer here? – I asked fearing that he’ll say no. He is a very good friend, one that I missed the most since I moved here.

\- Maybe… Is that job permanent?

\- Well, if my father likes your work, yes.

\- It’s sounds interesting. What would I have to do?

\- You just send me some of your samples of your work and I’ll take care of the rest. I’ll let you know in a few days.

\- Okay. – He hung up and I stayed thinking about him and our time in London. We had some great time together. I smiled and then looked at the clock, I had three more hours to lunch and I needed to do some work before that.


	10. Chapter 10

****

\- Where are we going? We’re going a little far away from civilization… - Clarke laughed.

\- You’ll see…- I’ve been driving for some time and we were out of the city, moving towards the suburban territory and she was watching me with nervous eyes. Who knows what or where she thinks I’m taking her. But, we were there and I parked my car. – We are here.

\- And where is here?

\- We are in my hideout, when I was a kid and had enough of fights with my father and when I wanted to escape and be alone I came here… - I got out of the car and I went to the big gate and opened with a key that I had in my pocket. Then I returned to the car, driving up the property to the main door. – I just hope that they took care for me while I was in London.

\- Is this your father’s house? – Clarke asked.

\- No, it’s mine… Well, my grandfathers, but he left me this house in a testament… I left it to the care of our housekeeper Susie and her husband when I left to London. They work in my father’s house in the city, but they live here in the separated house on the property.

\- Ok, and tell why we are here? Clarke said while she got out of the car.

I got out of the car too and said. – I wanted to take out for lunch and this was the only place that was on my mind that is enough anonymous and there is a slim possibility for anyone to see us. - Now, wait here I’m just going to close the gate.

\- Ok. – She said and leaned on the car, while I went to the gate.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I watched Lexa while she went to the gate and I could only think how gorgeous she is. Everything about her is beautiful and she had this posture that screamed elegance and confidence. I didn’t want Lexa to see me ‘ogling’ her so I looked around the property and it was beautiful. There were tress all around and a big and I little old fashion house in the middle. On the side there it was a swimming pool and a small basketball court. It wasn’t strange that Lexa had all of this… I mean I saw her car and it wasn’t a cheap car… I always had a good life, my parents were a doctor and an engineer so we weren’t exactly poor, but we didn’t have what Lexa or Bellamy has, and I was pretty successful too. But, that’s beside the point, because I was never interested in what they had, I was always interested what kind of person they are. I knew Bellamy for some time, and before we were a couple we were friends first and I know he’s a good guy.Lexa let such a strong impression on me and I didn’t know her well, but I had a sense she was the same. I mean, Bellamy always talked about her with such admiration and he was always proud of her accomplishments. That’s was the other thing that made all of this very sad and I know that this whole situation isn’t easy on her. 

Suddenly, I felt two hands around my waist and a kiss on the side of my neck. – What are you thinking about? – Lexa asked.

\- I just… I was looking around…

\- Ok… - I felt like Lexa didn’t quite believe me, but she continued speaking. – Come and help me take out what I bought for lunch. – She took me by my hand.

\- Ok. – I watched our hands holding each other. We got out bags of groceries out the car and we walked towards the house and I waited for her to open the door. When the door opened, I saw this beautiful house with a rural decoration.

\- Do you like it? – Lexa asked me.

\- Yes, very much. I thought that because you said it was your grandfathers, it’ll be old fashioned on the inside… But, this is beautiful. Who decorated it? 

\- When I was in London and my grandfather left it to me my mother decorated it… I liked it so I left it like this. – We put the groceries on the table and then she came and hugged me.

\- Ok, and what’s for the lunch? – I asked Lexa.

She turned us around and placing me in the middle of her and the table. -Well… In the bag there is Thai food… Do you like that?

\- Yeah… - I watched her green eyes.

\- There is also a something there that we talked about on the phone earlier… - Her lips were so close to mine. – If you want I’ll give you a little taste…

Suddenly I felt this restlessness and I played on with this double meaning; - No… I mean… What if that makes us full and we can’t have Thai… I love Thai food…

\- Ok… It’s then a Thai food but I have to steal one kiss first…

\- Steal? – I smiled.

\- Ha-ha, well… It’s an asked now. – Lexa laughed. – I have this hunger of your lips since you sat in my car…

\- And, what are you waiting? – She smiled and then she came close and kissed me. This kiss was all but not gentle. It was raw, passionate and powerful. Powerful enough to drive me crazy and to leave me without a will to leave this house for at least a week. She kissed me like this will be our last kiss and I enjoyed it, like I enjoyed every moment that I spent with her. She then pulled back, leaving me wanting more.

-We need to eat because if we continue like this, Thai food will be the last on my mind… - Lexa smiled.

\- I didn’t forget about Thai…- I watched her eyes. - I’m just more interested in this more…

She laughed. – But …

\- No buts… I think that you need to show me the rest of the house, the bedroom perhaps…

She laughed louder and took my hand again. – Come here… I let her take me to the back of the house, through the hallway, and to the bedroom. All this way, she was holding my hand and I couldn’t help this feeling when she touches me or is close to me. It’s like I’m lost for breath and my heart was beating so fast… Lexa opened the door to the bedroom and we went inside. This room had modern design and it had this smell that was so familiar. It had a big bed, a big closet and the room, except one wall, was in glass. It looked over to the swimming pool and a beautiful garden.

I looked around and then my eyes fell on her and she was smiling. – What’s got you so smiling?

\- I’m just watching you… Do you like this room? – Lexa asked me.

\- Yes… It’s different from the rest of the house… Not bad different, just there is something… Who decorated it?

\- This room was my grandfathers and he did have a specific taste of hunting relics and that doesn’t really go with my taste. My mother thought that, because it’s my room, I should decorate it. So, I did…

\- That’s good. – I smiled. – I would be scared if I entered in the room that was before.

\- Believe me, when I was a kid, it was scary… - Lexa closed the door and then she came near me, standing very close. She put her fingers on my lips and then she said. – But, now… With you inside this room, the only thing I’m scared is going out. – She then came closer and kissed me and this kiss was very different from that one we shared earlier. It was gentle, sweet somehow… It was in our kiss we were trying to say something that we couldn’t.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

We went to the bed, still kissing and taking our clothes in meanwhile. I deposited Clarke carefully on the neatly made bed. Breaking the kiss, I dragged my fingers down hers stomach latching on the edge of her jeans. Kicking her boots off, I lifted her hips to help her and then settling again near her. My eyes locked on the molten blue as we just lied there, enjoying the moment. It felt like we only have this moment and I wanted it to be special.

I keep the eye contact for a few more seconds, before my eyes falter down taking her beauty. I put my fingers on her stomach and then I look her again in the eyes, wanting to watch her reaction to every move I take. Trailing my fingers up her stomach and then on her sides, until my hands roam up finding her breasts to cup in my palms. Her eyes close at that action and her breath hitches. I then use my thumbs to brush against her nipples and that when she’s had enough and she reaches up and kisses me hungrily. I return that kiss with the same hunger and I pull her closer to me.I move a little up and our breast touch, we both moan at that sensation. She keeps her eyes closed as one of mine legs finds her place between hers.

\- Clarke. -I whisper and wait until her blue eyes meet mine green ones, and in the moment that happens I’m lost for words. I just kiss her again and I start moving. With that grinding starts and continues while we are kissing each other. A kiss that I had to break or I would come undone right at that moment, from just that small movement. I keep a needed closeness to her kissing her neck, meanwhile she gets her hands lost in my hair. She moves her hands on my back as her breath gets rougher with each kiss I plant on her neck. My kisses get lower and her breath becomes shorter and accelerated. I trail kisses on her collarbone and lower, till I get to her breasts. I plant a soft kiss on her left breast and she moans that leaves me trembling with more want. I latch on her nipple with my lips and I suck on it, and Clarke moans louder as I reach and rub her other nipple with my thumb.

\- Lexa… - She moans out and looks for more touch with her hips, the grinding gets more intense and her movements needier.I feel her on my thigh and I bring myself a little down, which causes her leg to grind me and can’t help it so I moan at that sensation. Then, I kiss her again and then I start exploring her body again. Kissing her neck, down to collarbone, down to her breasts, down to her belly button and finally down to her panties waistband. Here I look again at her eyes and they were clouded and dark. She lifts her hips and I trail them down her legs. Once I’m done, she sits up and faces me, kisses me as she latches on my underwear. I break the kiss and I take them off. 

We are now naked and I lower her back on the bed and then I lower myself to trail kisses up her leg, to her knees, but I stop before reaching the place she needs the most. I take a moment to admire her and I say - You are breathtaking. – At that comment, she pulls me completely over her and gives me one of those kisses that do just that, takes my breath away. 

Now on top of her I kiss down on her body, now ready to finish my teasing. Reaching finally there I look up at her and while our eye contact never breaks I kiss her right there in the middle where her thighs meet, where she needs me the most. I run my tongue over her and she moans, grabbing my hair like she needs it to make sure that I won’t leave her. Without leaving her gaze, I attach my lips her clit and only then her eyes close and her back arches as her hands fist the sheet. She moans and I continue licking her while adding two fingers to her entrance and bring them in, immediately speeding up the process. She is so close to losing it, I can feel it in the way she clenches her walls. Few more strokes of my fingers and a few more flicks of my tongue, she comes undone and moaning my name. I let her ride out her orgasm as I continue the movements of my fingers and my mouth on her. Once she’s down I get up and face her, brushing her hair away I plant a kiss on her forehead.

\- Are you ok? – I ask her with a smirk on my face.

\- I’m more than okay. – Clarke says, meeting my eyes and with a smile on her face. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Lexa plants a few kisses on my lips, as I try to regain control of my body. Few moments later, I feel like I’m able to move again, so I reach to her and kiss her moving on top of her. It’s now Lexa’s turn to get lost in my arms. 

I kiss her all over and when I get to her center, I get overwhelmed with her scent. I breathe her out and I feel her shiver. I could tease her, but there it’s time for that later. I lower my face and latch my lips unto her and her hands go to hers eyes, she covers them. My tongue maps out her slit and I hear her moan. Keeping my lips on her, I insert two fingers in her starting a steady rhythm, making sure that my lips and fingers are in sync.

\- Clarke… More…- She moans… I then insert one more finger and fasten my pace, until I hear Lexa moan louder and her insides start contracting. I keep that pace until she reaches the pleasure peak. 

I wait a few more moments in that place and then I drag myself up, until I’m lying next to her. I look her with the same smirk she gave me.

– Ok, I have now to get that smirk off and replace it with some other pleasurable expression. – Lexa says and then after a few moments, she kisses me again, because we are far from done.


	11. Chapter 11

I opened my eyes and Clarke was sprawled practically over me. Her blonde hair was on my chest like soft silk and I just lied there looking at her, amazed how beautiful she is. I tried to move a little to look for my phone; I had to call Anya that I’ll be at work later, but then I felt like she was holding me down. It was like she wanted to keep me in the bed. 

I laughed. – Have you kidnapped me?

Clarke smiled, and said._- You’re not getting out of this bed soon… - She opened her eyes and looked at mine; it was hypnotizing and her smile stunning.

\- Then I’m trapped. – I smiled.

\- Yes, you are. – Clarke stretched up and kissed me then.

\- But, can I at least call Anya to tell her that you kidnapped me. I mean, I have a right on one call?

\- Hmm… - Se acted like she had to think about it. – Ok… - Her face was incredibly close to mine. – But, with one condition…

\- Ok, and that is?

\- I need something to convince me… - She was even closer. – What are you offering?

I smiled at her game and I wanted to play, so I brushed her lips with a kiss. That got me a killer look from Clarke.

\- Nope… That’s not enough… If you want to get that call, you have to try more. That won’t get you anything.

I came closer, very close and said - I bet that the next will convince you…

\- Give your best shot. – Clarke said.

I took her face in my hands and brought it to me to explore her lips with every ounce of the passion I had. Our tongues battling for dominance and her naked body started squirming on top of me. – Is that better? – I said after the kiss.

Her breath accelerated and she spoke with a choppy voice. – Ok… You have a right on one call. – Clarke smiled.

\- I need my cell, can I look for it?

\- Where it is?

\- Maybe on the dinner table… 

Clarke smiled again and had this playful look on her face. -You stay here, I’ll go look for your phone. – She got up and her gorgeous body came to the light in all her nakedness. I watched with delight at that sensual sight. My eyes roamed her blonde hair on her back, towards the path that marked her spine, suddenly noticing something on her back. Something I didn’t notice before…

\- Nice tattoo… - I said.

Clarke covered her small sun-shaped tattoo on her lower back, and said. – Lurker…

\- Don’t cover it… It’s sexy…

She smiled and took mine shirt from the floor and put on… - Can I borrow it? I don’t want to go downstairs naked…

\- Yes, you look great… But, I love it more how you look naked. – I smirked. – Besides I want to explore your tattoo…

\- When I’m back, you can explore her in gran detail… -Clarke smiled, and went out the room.

I settled on the pillows of my bed and thought about Clarke and this day when it’s been just us. I didn’t meet anyone like her. In my life there were a few women, but none of them captured my attention like she did. Her beauty, her intelligence mixes with sensuality that radiated through her pores had me mesmerized. 

Couple minutes later, she was back and she sat on the bed with my phone, still in her hand. – You have like six lost calls…

\- Who called? It’s probably my father… I had some business to finish…

\- It’s not your father, it’s says…Luna. – Clarke said, watching the phone.

I took my phone from her. – Why would she… - Then I remembered. – Ahh, omg… I totally forgot…- We had a date to go for drinks and with everything that happened I totally forgot about that.

\- Luna? That sounds familiar… The girl from the club… - She looked at me. Her eyes were full of questions.

\- Yeah, it’s her… Can I call her? – I got up and put my jeans on…

\- Yeah, of course… You do what you have to do... – She said, but her tone changed. It wasn’t playful or sensual anymore…

\- Are you ok? – I asked her.

\- Yes. Call her. -Clarke said but her voice was the same, maybe, a little colder.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

If I’m ok? I’m not, so not ok… When I saw her name I just wanted to take her phone and call that Luna and tell her that she’s mine, to tell her to step away from my girl… But, who was I to her… Nothing… We didn’t have anything and she was free to have anyone who she wants. Lexa was free and I was engaged. That’s the reality. 

Is this how she feels when she sees me with Bellamy? That’s it if she feels something for me… I mean, I’m not jealous and she had the right to go out and date all the girls she wanted. Just because we had sex, that doesn’t means that the reality doesn’t exist, and there she is a free woman.

Before calling Luna, Lexa said. – We had something planned… I mean, we had a deal to get drinks…Maybe go dancing.

\- Okay…- I said, trying to appear normal and not affected. - Do you have to go? – I had to ask.

\- No… I mean, I should get back to work, but this… I have to admit that I totally forgot about this. – Lexa said. – I think since last night, I forgot about the real world…

My heart skipped a beat and unconsciously, I smile at her watching her when she winks at me and then goes to the window to call Luna.

\- Hey Luna, I saw your calls… - I tried to appear nonchalant but I couldn’t help and not hear their conversation. – Yeah, no… it’s okay… I was just busy. – Lexa made a brief pause. -Yeah, I still am… I have something very important on my desk that I have to do. – She looked at me and smirked, making one more pause. – Yes, some other day. I’ll call you. Ok, bye… - She hung up and then she called some else.

\- Hey Anya… I can’t get back today. – Lexa’s voice was very different now and she was smiling. – Yes, I can imagine my father is angry… But, I he looks for me again tell him that I found someone for that account we talked earlier. – She made a pause. – Yes, he will send me his work, maybe tomorrow via fax or e-mail. – Another pause. -Yeah, sometimes I believe that you are all-seeing… - She smiled. – You’re not going to tell her that. – Lexa laughed now. – Ok Anya, I owe you. Ok, ok, I’ll tell her. – She hung up and came to seat beside me.

\- So, you are free?

\- All yours.

I laughed at her choice of words. – Ok, don’t tell me twice or I’m going to believe it. – I turned a little, to face her.

Lexa smiled. – Anya sends her greetings. 

\- Ok. – I smiled because I liked this friendship between Lexa and Anya.

\- Also, I liked it very much when you got mad about Luna. – Lexa was so close to my face, close to my lips.

I looked anywhere except in Lexa’s eyes. – I didn’t… I just wanted to know…

She took my face in her hands and looked me directly in the eyes. – Ok… But, I want you to know that we are just friends. – I could see in her eyes that she didn’t lie. – I want you to know that, I would never go out if I had opportunity to spend time with you.

\- Ok… That’s good to know. – I smiled.

\- Now…I want you to keep your promise and let me explore that your tattoo. – She smirked and lied on the bed, pulling up my shirt. I felt her fingers on the spot where I had my tattoo.

I love that… - I breathed out. – You know my body so good. – Lexa lied me down on the bed and settling on top of me.

\- Believe me, I love that I have that knowledge. – She smiled and kissed me. I didn’t know why, but when she kisses me, I lose a sense of reality and the world outside of this room doesn’t exist.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Few days after, I was a block of Clarke’s work waiting for her and some moments later someone knocked on the window of my car. I turned around and saw her entering the car. Clarke was smiling, and I smiled too.

\- Why so smiley? -I asked Clarke.

\- I missed you, and I was happy when you called me this morning. – She was looking at my eyes, smile still in its place. We didn’t see each other for a few days, because I was out of the town. It was strange not seeing her, because since that day at my house, we were together almost every day for a month. Then, I went to London, to finish some obligation there and to meet with my friend Monty. He came back with me.

\- I missed you too… - I got a lock of her face.

\- You came this morning? -For some reason, she was nervous and I could see it.

\- No… I came yesterday, but I had some obligations before that I couldn’t tell you.

\- Ok. What are we doing now? Are we going to your house or mine apartment? – She asked. – I have the rest of the day off.

\- Interesting… - I put my hand beneath her chin. - I have a surprise for you.

\- What kind of surprise?

\- You’ll see. – I said getting closer to kiss her. That week was hell because I couldn’t see her or kiss her and now, I’m close to her and I can kiss her again. That’s an amazing feeling. She put her hands around my neck and my hands started roaming her body. I leaned my forehead on hers and I needed a second to regroup myself.

\- What’s going on? – Clarke asked?

I laughed softly. – I love to have you this close… I lo… - At that moment I stopped, realizing what I was about to say.

\- You what? – She asked.

I looked anywhere except in her eyes. – I’m sure that you’ll love your surprise.

Clarke smiled. – Ok… Then let’s go.

\- Yes. – Still in shock over what I was about to say. – Let’s go.

I drove my car, little distracted about what I was going to say to Clarke. The words still burning my tongue, but I couldn’t tell her that. She’s not mine to love, despite everything she’s Bellamy’s fiancée. It was just, for sure, a fluke because I missed her so much while I was in London. I shouldn’t think about that anymore, so when she asked me where are we going, I was pleased for distraction.

\- It’s a surprise; you just need to be patient. – I said, meanwhile I was parking the car. I got out the car and went to her door to open it.

\- Well, you are a gentlewoman. – Clarke smiled. 

\- Yeah, well… – I smiled too. – Let’s go here. – We entered in the elevator and I pressed the number for the penthouse.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Lexa was leading me in an unknown building and it was strange, but I was feeling safe. The elevator door opened and we went through a hallway, till the door when she stopped. She took out a key out of her leather jacket and opened the door. I saw a large apartment with big windows that looked out to panorama of the city. In comparison, my place looked like studio to this apartment.

\- Where are we? – I asked.

\- In my new apartment. – Lexa smiled. – There is missing a few things, like couches or a TV, but I bought it yesterday.

\- It’s… - I went to the window and looked down. – High… - I smiled.

She hugged from behind and placed a kiss on my shoulder. – I won’t let you fall… - Lexa smiled. – We are in the penthouse.

\- Do you ever buy something economical? 

\- I don’t usually…

I turned around in her hands, trailing my hands over her shoulders and looking in Lexa’s eyes. – The view is breathtaking, but I prefer the one I have now.

\- I like it when you flirt with me. – Lexa smiled.

\- I can’t help it, you’re gorgeous. – She moved closer, her face a few inches from mine.

Lexa blushed, and then she said. – Don’t you think that’s enough of talking? – After that she moved closer, closing our distance and kissing me. I enjoyed the taste of her lips; meanwhile her body moved me to the bedroom.

We kissed and take our clothes off in the meanwhile, and then Lexa said - I missed your kisses. 

I only hummed and took her jacket off, leaving Lexa just in a skimpy t-shirt. – I want to promise that I’ll never leave for so long, but I think that’s impossible. – Lexa kissed me again.

\- I know… - I hugged her, standing very close to her. – But, we don’t have to think about tomorrow. Not right now, at least. - Her lips found mine, and she took me to bed. 

This we missed each other so much, so our movements were fast and frantic. We wanted our clothes off so our bodies can touch.I fell on the bed and she just started tracing the line of my leg, pulling my pants off, when my phone rang. It was Bellamy’s ringtone and that fell on us like an ice shower. I stood up from the bed and went to my purse, getting my phone.

\- Bellamy? – I said, trying to calm my voice from earlier activities.

\- Hey love! – Bellamy said and I went to sit on the bed.

\- Hey… What’s going on? 

\- I can’t call my fiancé? – He laughed. – I just wanted to hear your beautiful voice.

\- No, it’s ok. Sorry… - I felt Lexa move behind my back. She sat near me, moving hair from my neck and planting few kisses there. 

\- Don’t be sorry! I wanted to hear your voice, but I do have a reason for calling… My parents are back from Paris and they want to have dinner with us. So, I’ll pick you up in a few hours and we can go?

I had to hold up my moan from Lexa’s kisses to answer. – Mm…I’m not at my apartment…

\- That’s weird… I called your office and they said that you’re not there, so I assumed that you were at home…

\- I…have some other…business… - Lexa’s hands were on my legs tracing the way towards my breast. – I’ll call you later, ok?

\- Clarke… I really need you at this dinner… My mother wants us both there. She needs some information for the wedding.

\- Okay… In a couple of hours, come and pick me up.– I looked back at Lexa and now she was still with some weird look in her eyes.

\- Ok, see you! – He hung up and I turned around to face Lexa, looking her directly in the eyes. We were for some moment in silence and the atmosphere was different. Her hands on my legs were making me feel hot, but Bellamy’s words made me feel cold, frozen actually.

\- What did he said? – Finally, Lexa spoke. 

\- He’ll pick me up in a couple of hours because his parents are here and they want to have dinner with us. – I didn’t know why I omitted the wedding stuff, but I couldn’t talk about that in front of Lexa. 

\- Then our day is over and I should drive you home?

\- I guess so…Lexa…

\- No… It’s ok…. I’ll drive you. – She stood up and went to the other room, picking up her clothes from the floor. 

I tried again. – Lexa, I don’t know what I feel… I…

She turned around and walked to me, putting her hand on my cheek… - You don’t have to say anything… I understand. – She kissed me. – Go and dress. We can go in a few minutes. – She then went to the bathroom and I stayed in the room. I sat on the bed that just a few minutes earlier was being christened by our bodies, and now was looking so empty and full with unsaid words. I only had one thing on my mind. I’m falling for Lexa and hard. I’m definitely having feelings for her, but on other hand I have to go and meet Bellamy and his parents and discuss our wedding. I was so confused, not knowing what to do.


	12. Chapter 12

I walked in my office and closed the door behind me; I didn’t want to speak with anybody. I wanted to be alone. I went to the bar and I poured a drink, feeling up the glass and then I fell into my chair. I had to think, because the things went from bad to ‘‘Oh, shit, what have I done…’’ The situation with Clarke was getting out of control. 

It was great at first. We had this moment in the car, where I almost said that thing, but then the moment in my apartment when she was in my arms. That felt… I don’t know if amazing enough a word to describe the feeling. Then, the phone call that ruined out moment and from where everything went to hell. Luckily I drove her on time, before Bellamy arrived. After she got out of my car leaving me with just a brush of her lips on mine, she closed the door and I started my car wanting to go and drown in alcohol. But, then he arrived and I for some strange reason didn’t leave. I stayed. I felt masochistic and I stayed there, watching them get in the car and leave. She wore this red dress that made her eyes bluer, if that’s even possible. She kissed him and I felt like my heart breaks in million pieces. How is that possible? I can’t possible feel jealousy.

I downed the rest of my drink, felling the burn of the alcohol. I wanted to drown in alcohol, to drown this rage and jealousy that I felt when I saw the happy couple. Clarke wasn’t mine. She wasn’t, actually she was so far away from that. She is Bellamy’s fiancée and the thought of that made my blood boil. I mean, I’ used to that by now. In this month, there were a lot of scenes where they were together. They kissed, hugged and I just stood there not doing anything. I could see that she was always so uncomfortable when Bellamy kissed her in front of me, but what could she do? We both knew what we are going into that night in that storage room.

\- Hey Lexa, what’s going on? – Monty said when he entered in my office. – What’s wrong with you?

\- Eh?

\- I was talking with your secretary and then I tried to tell you something and you didn’t even listened to her…

\- I’m sorry… I didn’t even hear you… I have something on my mind…

\- Lexa, the only thing that can have you so distracted is some girl. Is there something that you’re not telling me? – Monty smiled.

\- I’m a so predictable…?

\- No… But, I know you… Is she good-looking?

\- Yes, she’s perfect… - I smiled now, thinking of Clarke and her smile.

\- Are you in love with her? – He asked, suddenly very serious.

\- I… I don’t know…

\- Ok. – He said then and smiled knowingly. – Anyway… I going to go and do some work because I barely did anything since this morning… My new assistant sucks, she’s doing everything wrong… How did you get Anya and I got that?

I laughed. – What can I say…? Being the boss has its privileges…

\- You’re so lucky. Anya is great, but Echo I think that she’s a little… - He made a sigh like she’s crazy and then smiled.

\- Oh, come on… Echo is just new… She’ll be better, she just have to… I don’t know… - I laughed trying to sympathize with him, but clearly failing. I have to admit that Anya is the best assistant that I had, and she was becoming a good friend. – She’s a good girl.

\- But, Anya is… - He said, but never finished his sentence.

\- Anya is what? -I asked.

\- I have to go… See yaa! -He said while walking out my office. That was strange, I thought… He is up to something… I wanted to figure what’s Monty up to, but she sneaked her way in my thoughts and I wondered what she is doing now. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- We’re here… - Bellamy said meanwhile he parked the car in the parking lot of his parents. He then got out of the car and went to my door and opened it.

\- Thanks. -I said, while I got out the car holding his hand.

\- My parents are waiting for us inside… - We walked to the door, still holding hands and now waiting for the butler to open the door. – I just hope that my mother doesn’t start to plan our wedding in the middle of the dinner. – The door opened and the butler let us in, saying pleasantries.– Where are my parents?

\- They are in the living room, waiting for you two.– He said and started walking to the living room. I breathed deeply, thinking about the moment I met Lexa in this room that we’re about to enter. I shake my head, wanting to disperse my mind of her and concentrate on this evening. 

We entered in the living room and there were Bellamy’s parents, drinking aperitif before dinner. They were talking, but then they saw us and they got up to say hello to us. – Son… Clarke… - Sonja, Bellamy’s mother came close and kissed us on the cheek.

\- Mom… How was the flight? – Bellamy asked.

\- Tiring… - She smiled and then she turned her direction on me. -Clarke dear, how are you doing? Is my son treating you well? – She hugged me and smiled.

\- I’m well, and he’s great Mrs. Blake. – I smiled and looked to Bellamy that talked to his father. 

\- Oh, no, no… Please, call me Sonja dear. Mrs. Blake is my mother in law. -She smiled. – Besides, you’ll be my daughter in law soon, so you have to get used to calling me Sonja, or even mom. – She was still smiling and I had this feeling of guilt come over me, when I heard her speak like that.

\- Yes… Ok. – I tried to smile. Bellamy’s mother was the woman of class, aristocrat class and she was so elegant and nice, but intelligent and gracious too. She was one of those women that never had one hair out of an order, with elegance of a queen and clothes that reflected her economical position.

\- Clarke, mi Bella … - Bellamy’s father, Tomas came near me and hugged me. – How are you?

\- I’m just fine… Everything is just fine. – I said. Panic present in my voice from all the love Bellamy’s parents gave me. 

\- That’s good! Do you want to drink something? 

\- No, I’m good.

\- Oh, come on… You should have something… - He smiled. – How about a martini or a mojito? I didn’t usually drink, but I felt like a drink could be good to take the edge of.

\- A martini sounds great actually. – I said.

\- Ok, great, and you son?- He turned towards Bellamy.

\- Whiskey… Thanks dad.

\- Ok, with ice or without?

\- I think that this evening requires with ice dad. - He smiled and looked over to me.

After some minutes, Tomas was back and we sat down, talking about their trip and everything they did in Paris. Tomas went for a business trip, but when Sonja joined him, they decided that they should make a trip for their anniversary and travel across France. They were so in love, still after 30 years of marriage. They were friends, lovers, partners and love that they felt for each other filled this room and present in Bellamy and Octavia.

Suddenly, Sonja turned in my direction and asked me to follow her. – Clarke, come with me… I want to show you something…

\- Mom… The wedding stuff can wait till after the dinner… – Bellamy said.

\- Bellamy… This is woman’s business.– Sonja said, interrupting him.

\- Let them go son… I found out in these 30 years of marriage, when your mother says its women’s stuff; the best thing is to let it be. – He then smirked watching his wife.

\- That’s right. – Sonja laughed and then redirected her attention on me again. – Come on Clarke, you are going to die when you see this…

I got up and went with her. – Ok. – We went up the stairs and walked to Sonja’s and Tomas’s room and she entered, walking to the closet. She took out her suitcase and from there she gave me few papers. These papers had wedding dresses on them. 

They were beautiful. I looked towards Sonja in a surprise and asked. – What’s this?

\- These are some designs of this very talented designer in Paris. We met her there and she’s Paris’s most famous wedding dress designer. I saw her designs and I had to ask her to do some for you.

I watched designs and they were really beautiful, but only one kept my attention. It was simple, with a lovely lace covering it. It was strapless and fell down to the ground in a soft fall. – This is beautiful.

\- You like it?

\- Yes… - Still watching the dress.

\- I liked that one too. It’ll be even more beautiful on you for the wedding. – Sonja said that and suddenly I felt like the earth started moving uncontrollably. I felt this pain in my head too. The wedding day is close, just a few months away… I’m sure they will pass as quickly…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  
I was alone in my office, revising papers that were accumulating in my absence. While I was away, Anya sent me documents to review and sign via fax, but that was only important ones. I was in half done, when my phone ringed.

\- Hello! - I answered not even looking who is calling.

\- Hi Lexa, this is Luna.

\- Hey Luna, what’s going on… - I wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone, but I was glad to hear from Luna.

\- Nothing much… I just remembered that you told me, that you’ll be back these days from your trip… So, I wanted to hear from you, see what you’re doing…

\- I’m… I don’t really know… Is everything okay with you?

\- I am… I mean, problems are always present… - She laughed, but that laugh didn’t sound really like everything is okay…

\- If you want, we can go and have a drink… You can tell me about your problems and I can go out and not think about mine…

\- Ha-ha, ok… I could use a drink… But, are you sure? I don’t want to bother you…

\- Luna, it’s ok. You’re not bothering me; I could use a drink too. I’ll pick you up in a few minutes? Are you at work?

\- No, that’s the problem… -She half smiled. – You can pick me up at my place…

\- Ok, see you then… - I hung up the call and went back to my documents. 

In the last month, Luna and I became friends. She talked about her stuff and I talked about some things. Not all, I mean I couldn’t tell her the situation about Clarke… We usually went for a drink or for a coffee, sometimes we went dancing, everything casual.

I finished with the documents and then I saved my work.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

We went back to the living room and Bellamy and his father were still there talking, but when he saw me, Bellamy smiled.

\- So, how was the girl stuff?

\- Better than yours… - Sonja laughed. – I still can’t understand how you can talk so much about cars… - She then looked at me with questioning eyes. – Is that right Clarke?

I just nodded while I was sitting near Bellamy. He put his arm around my shoulders and came closer to me.

\- Did you finally decided on the date of the wedding? – Bellamy’s father asked.

\- We think about august… Is that right beautiful? – He answered.

\- Yes… August… - My mind had other things on its mind.

\- August… Summer… That’s great! I mean, the flowers, the nature… It’ll be great. Beside, that dress Clarke would be perfect for a summer wedding. – Bellamy’s mother said.

\- What? – I just realized that they were talking to me. God… Ever since I saw that wedding dress I’m acting like a zombie. Just a simple thought that the wedding is so close made me feel ill… To marry Bellamy confused about my feelings? I mean, I looked forward for every available moment that I could share with Lexa… At that moment, I just wanted to disappear… I always thought that when moment comes to marry someone, I would be sure about my decision to spend my life with someone. It would be the happiest day of my life… What I’m feeling now, it’s everything but happiness is not.

\- Where did you go beautiful? – Bellamy asked looking at me.

\- Nowhere… - Tried to smile. – I’m just listening and thinking about the wedding. – That wasn’t completely a lie, I did think about the wedding.

\- Are you tired? – He asked again.

\- Of course that she’s tired… Look at those bags under her eyes… Clarke, you shouldn’t work so much, nothing is more important than your health. – Sonja said.

\- We’re preparing a show, so I stayed longer this week at work, but I’ll rest after.– I smiled, trying to redirect everyone’s attention of me.

\- Ok, that’s great. – Sonja smiled, and then got up. – Let’s go to the table to have dinner and Clarke you can tell me all about that show that you’re preparing. You know how much I love art. – That was the truth, Sonja was obsessed with art and that’s was how Bellamy and I met. He came to pay for some pieces that his mother ordered and after they reunited at a ball that Sonja threw.

\- With pleasure. – We all followed Sonja and started dinner.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

We were at ‘Trikru’ bar, nursing our third drink. Luna was talking about her problem at work and I listened. She got fired and now without work, she had problems with her rent. She’s thinking about moving back with her parents.

\- I want to help you somehow… - I said.

\- I know what are you thinking, but I can’t have you giving me money… Ok?

\- Maybe a loan then?

\- Lexa… I’m glad that we became such good friends, but I can’t accept a loan. I prefer to find work or even move with my parents, but I can’t loan money that I’m not sure that I can return. I don’t like to owe anybody anything, especially not to a friend.

\- Ok, but if you do decide to change that, promise that you will come to me.

\- I promise.

\- I just realize that I don’t even know what are you doing? I mean, what’s your profession? – I asked Luna. 

\- I’m automotive engineer…

\- Automotive…? - I asked her.

\- Yeah… I know that’s unusual… A girl in that kind of work, my father was telling me that my whole life… But, I love cars…

\- Yes, it’s strange… But, it’s not that… I have this friend… He has company that makes cars, basically… Maybe you two can talk…

\- Ok, but so you know I don’t to work there just because he’s your friend… - Luna’s face got serious.

\- I don’t think that he’ll even accept you to work there just because I say… - I laughed. – He’s a little strict when it’s about his cars… I’ll arrange a meeting and you can show him your work and what you can do, from there it’s just you and him…

\- That’s good. Thank you! – Luna smiled.

\- It’s ok. I’m glad that I can somehow help you. – I smiled and the waitress came to our table, bringing us more drinks. We continued our talk.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>< 

We were in my elevator, going to my place. The dinner was nice, even I was very distracted… Bellamy said he’ll escort me to the door and then he’ll go to his company to do some work. We were there, and the door opened. He kissed me and then I exited the elevator and he pressed the button for a parking lot. I entered in my apartment, still thinking about my life with Bellamy. I didn’t know what I’m doing and why am I still in this relationship when I can only think of her. I should break up with Bellamy and finish this story. Or, maybe I should just stop what this is Lexa and marry Bellamy. That was the safer choice, right? Lexa didn’t give me anything and Bellamy was so attentive and I was sure he loves me. But, so I still love him? 

I took out phone from my bag and I looked for a number that I wanted to call. Should I call her? I mean, we left it today on weird note… But, I wanted to hear her voice so I called Lexa.

\- Yes? – Unknown female voice answered Lexa’s phone. 

I looked at the phone, wondering if I called the right the correct number, but there wasn’t a mistake… I called Lexa and I don’t know who the voice belongs… - I’m sorry… Is that Lexa’s phone?

\- Yes, it is… - The girl said.

\- Ok… And, why are you answering…? – I asked, still dumbfounded…

\- We are in this bar and she went to pay for our drinks… She forgot her cell on the table and me… Sorry, but who’s calling? So, I can tell her…

\- Clarke… You are?

\- Luna… 

I heard that name and this incredible rage woke up deep in my stomach. Lexa never talked about her since that day when we were in her house. But, apparently they were meeting and now they were having drinks… What else did they do? I wanted to think that they were just friends, but something in me didn’t leave me alone. – Luna…?

She laughed and said - Yes… Do you maybe know me?

\- Something like that… - I said.

\- Hmm, I don’t know your name… You are one Lexa’s friends from the club?

\- Yeah…

\- Ok… Are you blonde or the brunettes? -She made a pause… - There were two brunettes and one blonde girl there.

\- I’m the blonde… 

\- Ahh, you are Bellamy’s girlfriend?

\- Yeah… - Then, we stayed in silence, and it was one of those awkward silences… The ones that you’re waiting for the other person to say something, because you didn’t know what to say…

-Oh, there’s Lexa… I’ll pass your call. – Luna said.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I walked towards the table and I saw that Luna was talking on the phone… My phone… I didn’t know why, but suddenly I felt this restlessness… It was like my body could predict that something bad is going to happen.

Luna extended her hand and gave me the phone… - It rang and I answered… I hope that’s not a problem… - She made a pause and then she said. –It’s Clarke…

Clarke… Clarke… I heard that name and my heart started beating faster… I knew what is going to happen so I made a sign to Luna that I’ll take this call outside. So I walked outside the bar and I answered… - Hey…

\- Why didn’t you say that you’re going out with her? – Clarke said.

\- People normally say hello… - I made a pause and breathed deeply. – We’re just having drinks… She called me when I was at the office and you had this dinner with Bellamy and his parents… So, I just assumed that I have the free evening… - I made another pause and I thought about what I said. – You know, to go out with friends…

\- Yeah… I get what you said… - Clarke said and her voice sounded weird. – Ok, I don’t want to hold you… Your friend is waiting for you.

\- Are you jealous? – I dared to ask.

\- You wish… - She made a pause. – We’ll talk later…

\- No, Clarke…Wait…

\- What? What should I wait? – Clarke asked.

I wanted to say to her that I’m the same that I die a little when she goes with Bellamy… That I had this rage every time he kisses her or that my blood boils every time he calls her beautiful… But, that only would make things more difficult… So, I just said - I didn’t want to make you mad…

\- I’m not mad, it’s just… - Clarke made a pause, like she needed it to think what could say. – I just didn’t want to interrupt your date…

\- Luna is just a friend…

\- I know… You already said that…- She made another pause and breathed profoundly. – Look, let’s talk tomorrow…

\- Clarke…

\- What? What do you want?

\- I’m going to take Luna home and I’ll come to your place…

\- No…

I interrupted her and said - I’ll be at your place in an hour…

\- Lexa… You don’t have to…

\- I don’t, but I want to… - I said and then I hang up, not wanting to hear her again saying me not to go to her. I went inside to tell Luna that I’ll drive her home…


	13. Chapter 13

This is a long night… It was good that’s tomorrow its Saturday. I was nervous because I didn’t know what’s going to happen. I paced in my apartment, looking towards the door… Suddenly, the bell rang and I wondered, is it her? I walked to the door and opened it. She was standing there, just looking at me…

\- Lexa… - I said meanwhile my body was shaking.

She didn’t say anything, just entered, closing the door behind her. Then, she leaned on the door and crossing her hands, still looking me in the eyes… - What happened? – Lexa said after a long silence. – What happened to us?

\- What do you mean? – I asked afraid of her answer.

\- Why did you tell me that on the phone?

I wanted to tell her so many things… I wanted to tell her that I was angry because that girl answered me, but I never said it… Lexa was looking at me, waiting for an answer. I didn’t know what to say… To tell her all that wouldn’t make this situation any breather… So, I went with…- Nothing special… I don’t care who you are seeing or not…

\- I’m telling you that Luna is just a friend…

\- I don’t care and I never did care… - I tried to fake indifference. – We did say that this is casual… That doesn’t mean anything…

\- Yeah… We did say that… So, I don’t have anything to do here… I’m going to go… You be happy. – Lexa then turned around and opened the door.

\- Ok… Do whatever you want… - I told her with anger in my voice. – Go and be with Luna… I don’t care! Just, close the door when you’re gone… 

At that moment, Lexa turned around and looked in my direction. Her beautiful green eyes were full of anger and rage. She came to me and grabbed me by the hand and placed me in the middle of her and the door. – You’re not so indifferent… - She put her hands on the both sides of my face. – You care like I care when I see you with Bellamy… - She came near my ear and talked suave. – My blood boils every time I see him when he touches you… - I felt goose bumps when I felt her breath on my ear and the words that she said. – When he’s walking around with his hand on your waist… - She then put her hand beneath my shirt and on my waist. – When he says ‘I love you’ and you tell him ‘me too’- Lexa then made a few steps back and far from me. – But, we’re just having a good time… Casual… So, I don’t have what to do here.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I said that words and they hit me right in the heart… But, what else can I do? Everything is out of a control…We are always saying that this is just a casual thing, but do we feel like that? It’s not love. It can’t be love… So, why then I feel like this? Why I feel like crap because I can’t have her beside me, day and night...? Why are we always hiding…? 

I moved to the door, but when I put my hand on the doorknob, Clarke put her hand on top of mine to stop me. I dropped my eyes, not bearing to look her in the eyes. Leave Lexa, leave and don’t look back… I told myself, but somehow I couldn’t. It was like my legs stuck on the floor and the other option is that I look her in the eyes and stay where I am. I looked at her and at that moment she came closer and kissed me. I hugged her, guiding her closer to my body. She put her hands around my neck, kissing me deeply. We went towards the middle of the room… I forgot about my plan to leave and to never turn around… 

We fell on the couch, Clarke on top of me and looking me in the eyes. – This can’t be over, not yet… - She said not yet, and I wanted her to say never.

I couldn’t blame her, because we didn’t know what could happen in the future… I just knew that, I didn’t want that this evening comes to an end. We still had time. She was still beneath me. I could still make her moan with my kisses, touches… I was still with her. I had all that and I had her now in my arms. At least, this night she was mine. I forgot everything and I concentrated on her. We kissed with crazy passion and I traced my fingers on her arm till I got to her engagement ring. I lifted her hand and looked at that big ring.

Clarke separated for a moment and looked at me. – What are you doing?

\- I don’t want this on your hand meanwhile we are together… I put the ring on her coffee table. – I want you to be only mine when you’re here with me.

She took my hand and held it for a few moments and then she said - Then make me yours… - Clarke smiled.

I smiled too and then I kissed her neck. She moaned. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I leaned her forehead on Lexa’s and just stayed like that for a few moments, not able to move away from the closeness that I felt from her. Then, I traced my fingers along Lexa’s jaw, down to her neck and the edge of her shirt. Shirt went off after that and I grazed the finger tips on underside of her bra. Lexa teased me moving her lips as close as possible without kissing me and moved beneath me, creating friction between ours hips.

\- Let’s go to your room. – Lexa said against my lips and I pulled her off the couch and toward the hallway.She lay down on the bed and made this movement with her finger for me to come to her, so I took my shirt off, tossing it on the floor and then crawling on top of Lexa. We kissed again and this time more deeply and passionate as our hands were removing the rest of our clothes. Soon her torso was free of any fabric and I had to bite my lip, tracing my fingers down from neck, between her breasts, along her naval to the edge of her panties. I looked her eyes and then I smiled, pulling the panties down her legs. I traced my fingers along her abdomen and then I passed over her wet lips to find her clit.

Lexa let out a sound that sent shivers down my back and between my legs, felling me with a hot satisfying feeling. I used my free hand to palm one of Lexa’s breasts, paying special attention on her nipple. She moaned and then pulled Clarke up to kiss her again, but now more desperately and she tried to meet the rhythm of my fingers with her hips, meanwhile she was holding herself up. Lexa’s hand then moved over to mine clit and she matched my movement, so I moaned. I watched how Lexa closes her eyes and moans again, more loudly this time as she shook uncontrollably. I took my hand off her and licked it clean, while she was watching me. After that I kissed her again. 

Lexa then moved on top of me and pulled my underwear off, kissing one of my nipples. She swirled her tongue around the nipple as she had the other between her fingers and with that she completely shut the world down around us. Then she grabbed my hips and held me down against the bed while she kissed her way down my body. Suddenly, she lifted her head and looked in my eyes like she knew that I was watching all her movement and smirked. Lexa then she dipped her head down and licked along the slit of my lips, finding the clit immediately. I passed my fingers through Lexa’s hair to keep her in the place. Not that Lexa would go anywhere because she wrapped her hands around my legs to keep my hips from moving too much as she sucked mine bundle of nerves between her lips. 

Lexa then moved and inserted two fingers in me, and that felt so good. Actually, that felt amazing and I knew that I wouldn’t hold out for too long. A few licks more and I came moving my hands on the bed sheets, because I felt like I could rip Lexa’s hair at that moment. I rode my orgasm down and tried to catch my breath. She moved up my body, still having her fingers inside me moving slowly in and out and kissed me slowly at first and then she deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue against mine. 

A few hours later, I opened my eyes still lying on Lexa’s stomach; meanwhile her hand was around my waist. I felt happy that she’s still here, holding me in her arms. I didn’t want to leave this bed.

I traced Lexa’s face with my finger and I smiled while doing it. I was wondering what I was feeling for her and why I want to be with you all the time. I closed my eyes and breathed profoundly, wanting to clear my mind. Suddenly the doorbell rang and I moved from Lexa. In the same time she woke up…

\- Who is that? – Lexa asked.

\- I don’t know… I’m going to see. – I tried to get up.

\- No… - Lexa grabbed my hand. – What if it’s Bellamy? If we don’t say anything, they will leave…

\- Clare open… - Octavia said. – I know that you’re there, so open the door.

\- It’s Octavia… I’m going to open... – I said.

\- She’ll notice something… It’s better not to open and maybe she’ll think that you’re not here. – Lexa tried again.

\- She won’t find out anything… I’m going to open the door and won’t let her in… - I got up from the bed and I put some clothes on. – You just stay here… - I went to the door and opened it, finding Octavia on the other side looking me with surprise in her eyes.

\- You’re not ready?

\- For what? – I asked.

\- We had a deal to go shopping… - Octavia pointed out. – Don’t tell me you forgot?

\- I did, completely… You can go with Raven…?

\- Are you crazy…? – She tried to enter and I stayed on the door, not wanting to let her in. – The topic about Raven is completely erased from my life.

\- Ok… - I didn’t believe that…

She tried to enter again. – I’ll wait for you… I mean, you can take a shower and I’ll read some magazines…

\- I forgot about the shopping so I made plans with Anya… - I lied trying to make her leave…

\- Why are on my way? Why can’t I enter in your apartment? Are you hiding something? – Octavia asked.

\- I’m not hiding anything… Sorry Octavia, but we can go some other way… I promise you. Look, tomorrow it’s Bellamy’s race and we can go the day after that, or, some other day…

\- Ok… I’ll see you at the race tomorrow… - She turned around about to leave and she stopped and breathed deeply… - That’s weird…

\- What? – I asked.

\- I can feel Lexa’s perfume… - She laughed. – Some one of your neighbors has good taste and expensive… I love that perfume. 

\- Yes… It smells good… - It smells good… That was such a lie. I mean, Lexa skin smells so amazing that when she comes near me, I feel my knees weakened. But, I could admit that in front of Octavia…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I put my underwear and went to the window, watching the sky… She went out like fifteen minutes ago and she still didn’t come back… I couldn’t open the door, because there was a possibility that Octavia tricked Clarke and entered… Suddenly, someone opened the door and I stopped breathing, waiting to see who is it. But, it was Clarke…

\- Is she gone? – I asked Clarke…

\- Yes, but you were right… It wasn’t easy. – She sat on the bed. – She insisted and then she could smell your perfume…

\- Shit…

\- Don’t worry; she thought that someone of my neighbors used the same perfume… - Clarke smiled. – I think that’s time to go to reality…- She then went to the coffee table and took her ring.

\- No… - I stopped her. – We still have time and we don’t have to go there just yet… - I hugged her then and brushed her lips with mine. We went to the bed again and we feel down to the ruffled shits… She went on top of me and put her legs around my waist.I got up and kissed her. She was mine now, but that was until Bellamy shows up and then the situation changes…

Few hours later…

\- I have to go… - I stated, trying to leave the bed. She was on practically on top of me, naked and her hair was on my chest.

\- No… - Clarke’s voice was raspy. – Stay a little more…

\- I promised Monty to… - She interrupted me biting my lower lip. – Clarke… - I said in a half of a moan and half of breath because she started moving on top of me. Her breasts were brushing mine, and our bodies melted into one body. – It’s really crazy the power you have over me…

\- It’s not really, because you have the same power on me… - Clarke said into my easy, whispering.

\- Why should I stay?

\- Because, I sacrificed shopping with Octavia and you can stay here and not go out with your friend… I mean, my sacrifice is much bigger but I can overlook that… - She smiled.

I decided to go with her game, so I said sarcastically. – Yeah, that’s a big sacrifice…

\- With that answer, are you making joke of my important shopping trip to the mall with Octavia or are you bragging about your prowlers in bed. – Clarke asked, trying to keep a straight face.

\- Both… - I smirked.

\- You’re so conceited… - She rolled her eyes.

\- You’re calling me conceited…? –I looked at her beautiful blue eyes, which were getting darker by the every second that passed. – I think that I have reason to brag. 

\- Like what?

\- Like, the fact, that you’re now on top of me, not letting me leave and inventing that the reason that you’re not letting me go is because you didn’t go shopping with Octavia. – I saw that her cheeks were a bit pinker and she had this silly smile on her face. – But, I have to admit… I’m only good, because you are amazing. – Now, I had the same silly smile on my face.

Clarke smile got even bigger and she came close to my ear. – You still have no idea… - She bites my ear and then she started moving again on top of me. – Besides, you love it when I take control, is that right? – Clarke whispered.

She was right and when she did that, it drove me crazy… I really loved it. But, I knew that she was making a point to show me her power over me and I couldn’t let her do that… So, I used the last of mine strength and moved to turn her over, staying on top of her. She was now beneath me, looking me.

\- You see what you get when you’re trying to take control? – I said.

Clarke put her fingers in my hair and smiled. – I love it too, when you take control, did you know that?

\- Really? – I said, faking not knowing what she’s saying. – That’s interesting. – I kissed her then and she put her arms around my neck, pulling me towards her.Then my hand was trailing every centimeter of her body. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Few hours later, we finally left my bed and were sitting in the couch in the living room… My head was on her lap and Lexa was telling me about her life in London and how she got there. We were just chatting like normal couples do. There wasn’t any mention of our current lives and what are we doing. I loved the moments like this, when we were just chatting, telling each other about our lives, getting to know the details about our lives. The other activities were very fun, I have to admit that, but after knowing every aspect of Lexa’s body I wanted to know every aspect of Lexa’s life. These moments were so often present after we decided to do this thing.

\- … So, that’s when my father came to London and apologized about everything and we had this talk… I mean, we talked like whole day and I knew that I had to forgive and move on from that part of my life…

\- Now, everything is different? He understands you? – I asked Lexa.

\- Yes… He doesn’t even questions my decisions and listens to what I have to say. I feel respected from his part and I’m trying to give the same respect. – She smiled.

\- That’s good. – I smiled too. – And, your mom is she ok with everything? 

\- She was always… She visited me often in London and the first years I couldn’t deal with every that happened without her support. 

\- I’m glad that you had her support. – I smiled again, looking her in the eyes.

\- How are you with your parents? – Lexa asked and I didn’t like to talk about them, but after she told me, I felt like I had to share my story too.

\- It’s complicated. My father was always supportive and my mother too… But, after he died when I was in college, she changed completely. I mean, my dad always supported me about art and I had this freedom to decide what I want to do. I was then interested in art and in medicine, but art was always my goal. My mother understood that, but after he died and I left premed, to pursue art, she changed her behavior. She was in my life, but not like before… She paid for college, but she was never interested in my life or what am I doing with it. In that moment, that made me so angry and I acted out. That devastated my life, and I even had a problem with drinking and drugs. So, after a situation that involved drugs and alcohol I ended in hospital… She never came to visit me… - My eyes filled up with tears when I remembered that moment in my life, that I regretted so much. – She called and leaved me some message, saying foul things to me. So, the day when I went out of the hospital, I went home and gathered my stuff and left. She didn’t call and I didn’t call. I’m here now, and she’s still working in Paris, she is still chief of surgery. 

\- That’s… wow…- Lexa said.

\- I know… But, that’s my life and I’m living it…

\- Do you miss her?

\- I did, at beginning. I mean, it was difficult when I came here, but I had Anya and that made things easier…

\- Anya is a good friend. – Lexa smiled.

I smiled too. – Yes she is. She’s the best friend that someone can have and she was always there for me. I could always count on her, no matter what.

\- I’m glad that you had her for support and I can’t get over how positive you are after everything that happened to you.– Lexa smiled. – I mean, it’s incredible how you fought everything and became so successful and kind.

I blushed and smiled. – Thank you! – I looked up in her eyes. – But, how do you know how successful am I? We never talked about our jobs… Did Bellamy tell you?

\- Some, but mostly Anya… Don’t be mad, she was just proud. – Lexa smiled. – But, I mostly read on the Internet, you are well-known… Famous actually in art circles… - Her smile got bigger.

\- Oh, come on… I’m not famous…

\- Yes, you are. – She looked very serious. – Even my father bought some pieces from your gallery.

\- Really? I wished I knew… - I smiled.

\- One day… - Lexa spoke, but she suddenly stopped, like she remembered something.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>< 

I stooped when I remembered that I will never introduce her to my parents like my girlfriend, she was Bellamy’s girlfriend, fiancée even. So, I deflected and said instead. – … of these, I’ll tell him and my mother that you are working there so they can recommend your gallery to their rich friends… - I smiled trying to appear nonchalant.

Clarke sensed what I’m doing, so she deflected too. – That would be so nice. – She smiled.

We talked for some more time and then Clarke ordered Thai food and we had dinner. It was so easy to talk with her and I really enjoyed getting to know her. Bellamy and Anya were always talking about her, especially Anya, but hearing about her life from her felt intimate somehow and I really enjoyed that. I loved our other intimate stuff, but this was a different kind of discovering Clarke. She was funny, intelligent, caring, kind and a good friend. But, the darkness in her life was a part of her and made her strong too.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter and I'll post tomorrow again... :)

The cars were running on the track, accelerating to win the race. Number twenty was first, but thirteen was right behind. The rest were far away from the first two cars. Clarke was right next to me and she was hugging my arm, looking nervously at the track and Octavia was yelling, meanwhile Raven was swearing. Both cars were in their last circle, still accelerating. Bellamy’s car was first.

\- Just a little more… - Octavia said.

\- He’s so close. – Raven said looking over to the track.

I smiled looking at Bellamy’s car nearly winning the race and then I looked over to the Clarke. She had her eyes on the race, not taking the look of Bellamy’s car and she was biting her fingernails nervously. – You know that’s not good… You shouldn’t bite your nails. – I said, but Clarke didn’t even look at me, she just stopped biting her nails still looking on the trace. 

\- Your friends are crazy… - Monty came on the other side and said on my ear.

I turned in his direction and asked. – Why are you saying that?

\- I mean… This couple… - He showed with his finger at Octavia and Raven. – Do they ever stop fighting?

\- No, never…

\- It’s so obvious that they love each other… - He laughed. – But, I don’t understand why they are arguing so much…

I shrugged my shoulders and looked over to Clarke again. Her eyes were now on mine and we stayed paralyzed, looking at each other and I had this want to kiss her, but I couldn’t do that there… It wasn’t the place or time… I wanted to take her far away, but the race was coming to an end and everyone would notice…

\- Lexa, I… - Clarke said.

In that moment, everyone got up from their seats, yelling and cheering… The race was over and we looked over the track, and saw Bellamy holding a big trophy and a lot of people were around.

\- Yeees! He won! – Octavia said.

\- Yes, he did! – Raven said and then she hugged Octavia and they stayed like that for a few moments, without even noticing what they were doing. But, when they realized what they did, they separated and looked each other with hate.

\- Don’t ever do that… - Octavia said.

\- You hugged me… - Raven returned.

\- Ah, go away… I hate you! – Octavia said and walked away.

\- I feel the same… - Raven yelled after her.

Clarke let go of my arm and went after Octavia, but before she looked at me again and it was one of those looks that can break me. Raven looked around, still angry.

\- Like I said, your friends are so funny. – Monty was laughing so hard not noticing mine and Clarke’s behavior. I smiled too and I went towards the Bellamy’s garage to congratulate him, and Raven was still standing there in the same place.

Monty ran and came near me. – Don’t leave me with your angry friend… She’s so angry and could kill me. – I laughed at his words, imagining Raven killing him. She could do it. She’s a bad ass.

I was still thinking about Raven and Monty, and Octavia too when I walked on Clarke and Bellamy kissing each other.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Octavia ran away and I let go of Lexa’s hand and went after her. Octavia was mad, but she didn’t say anything meanwhile we were walking towards the garage. Bellamy’s team surrounded him and other drivers and their team and all of them were saying congratulations. 

\- There she is… Clarke, love, come here. – He yelled and ran in my direction, hugging me and kissing me. – What’s going on? – He asked when he noticed I didn’t return his kiss.

\- Nothing… I just… - I didn’t know what to say, so I went with something simple. – You just took me by surprise.

He laughed and the looked over to Octavia. – You’re clearly angry… I hope that’s not because I won the race…? – He faked worrying about her answer.

\- Very funny… - Octavia looked over to Bellamy and gave him a smile, a quick ‘Congratulations’ and then she was gone. 

\- Let me guess… - After she was gone, Bellamy said. – Raven?

\- What else… - I said.

\- I’m going to kiss you now. I’m just saying to avoid any surprises. – He laughed and then leaned in to kiss me. He moved me closer to his body, kissing me deeply. I kissed him too, and I was trying to really commit to that kiss but somehow I couldn’t.

Suddenly, I heard someone clear its throat, so I stepped away from Bellamy and I turned around just to find Lexa there…

\- Sorry for interrupting… But, don’t eat in front of the hungry… - Lexa said, joking. But, there was something in hers voice that indicated that she wasn’t sorry at all… 

\- You should find some girl and keep her… You shouldn’t go out with Raven and going out with ‘easy’ girls, and then you’ll appetite will be satisfied… 

Lexa shrugged and then she said. – I don’t think that stable relationship is not for me, for now at least. – She looked at my eyes. – It’s not my moment…

\- Ok. – Bellamy laughed. – Who is your friend? – He pointed over to Monty.

\- That’s my friend from London, Monty… Monty, this is the winner of that race and one of my best friends Bellamy, and Clarke… - I noticed, Lexa didn’t say anything when she introduced me to his friend. He didn’t even say his girlfriend, or fiancée…

\- Nice to meet you Monty.– Bellamy smiled and Monty answered, giving him his hand to shake. Then, Bellamy redirected his attention back to Lexa. – Why didn’t you tell me that you were back, and that you moved in your place? 

\- I don’t know… I was very busy… - Lexa looked at my eyes and she smiled. My cheeks were burning.

\- I can imagine… - Bellamy said. – But, you’ll have to compensate it to me… The after party at your place… – He smiled.

\- My place? You usually have some party organized…

\- Yeah, but I wanted something more intimate now. Just our friends… - Bellamy said and smiled. He hugged Clarke then.

Lexa was clearly looking at Bellamy’s arm on my waist and said. – Ok, it’s a good idea… We can call Raven, Octavia, Anya, Monty here, you, Clarke, and me. 

\- That’s a good idea… - I stepped away from Bellamy and like that I removed his hand from my waist.

\- Ok, then… We’ll see you at your apartment in two hours.

\- Yes… Here’s my addressee… - Lexa gave him a piece of paper with the information. – I’ll go to clean up a little… - She looked over to Monty… - Come on, you’re going to help me.

\- Cleaning up it’s not funny… - Monty said and Lexa came over to us to say goodbye…

They were saying goodbye and while Monty talked with Bellamy, Lexa used the opportunity to whisper something in my ear. – You are only mine… - Then she stepped away and smirked. Then they were gone and I stayed the frozen, looking after Lexa. 

Bellamy hugged me from behind and said. – Now we continue where we were… - He turned me around and I was now looking at his brown eyes, but still thinking about Lexa’s green ones. He kissed, but I didn’t feel anything. I was still thinking about Lexa and I didn’t want to hurt her if she comes back.

\- I’m going to look for Octavia to tell her about the party at Lexa’s apartment. – I was walking away, he was watching. – I don’t want to leave her alone… - I walked away, still thinking about Lexa’s words… I felt so hot and electricity ran through my body when I heard those words. 

Suddenly, Octavia appeared in front of me and said. – It makes you think…

\- What? – I asked.

\- I mean life… Everything…

Still confused, I said. -I don’t understand…

\- Believe me… - Octavia smiled. – I don’t understand myself sometimes… Someone could have it all and that nobody can take that away… But, suddenly you realize that you never had that, what you always wanted…

\- What are you talking about? – I still didn’t understand her...

\- Don’t mind me… - She smiled then. – Anyway, the life is interesting…

\- Why?

\- You can have something, but you can lose it so quickly… - Octavia was so cryptic.

\- You’re confusing me more every day… 

\- It’s okay… - She smiles. – Sometimes, I envy you Clarke…

\- Why?

\- You found a man who loves you and you love him… That’s enough and it’s not like me…I found someone, but she is… Don’t let him go Clarke… - She stayed quiet for some minutes and then she asked me. – Did you have something to say to me?

\- We’re going to Lexa’s apartment for after party… - I was still thinking on hers ‘don’t leave him’…

\- Ok… Let’s go. – We stood up and went to Bellamy’s car.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Tell me something… - Monty said. – Why are your friends crazy...?

\- They just have a past… - I answered, not wanting to enter in that entire story about Raven and Octavia.

\- Bad break up…

\- Yeah… But, don’t ask me for a reason, because I don’t know it…

\- Oh, ok… Changing the topic… Did you call Anya?

\- Shit… No, I didn’t…

He took out his phone out his pocket and called Anya. -I’m going to call her, you’re driving.

\- Ok. – I answered simply and watched him meanwhile he talked with Anya… He had this dopey smile on his face. After he hung up I decided to ask him. – Do you like her?

\- No… It’s not like that… She’s a good person and I like her company. – Monty said.

\- Ok… - I wasn’t convinced, but I let it go, not wanting to insist… I drove to Anya’s house to pick her up for the party.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's one more chapter, like promised.
> 
> Also, I have a Pinterest page that I used when I wrote this story... If you want you can check it out... I'll update more as the story continues.
> 
> https://www.pinterest.com/Mardzolina/ffs-i/

I’m sitting in Lexa’s apartment, in front of her and surrounded by everything that we did in that apartment. I couldn’t close my eyes without imagining Lexa kissing me, so I shake my head, trying to disperse my mind from those thoughts, before they get and more imaginative about mine and Lexa’s activities in this place.

\- What are you doing love? – Bellamy asked me. – You looked like a wet dog drying his hair… - He then laughed.

\- It’s nothing… I’m just a little cold… - I didn’t know what to say, but that sounded so stupid and untrue… I wasn’t cold; I was far from that… I felt so hot just thinking about Lexa fingers on my body.

Lexa smirked. She could read me so easily… - If you want, I can bring you one of mine… - She appeared like a good friend and a good host, but I knew what she was thinking. So, I thanked her… I couldn’t do anything else, at least not in that moment. 

Lexa went to her bedroom and brought me one of her jackets, and she put it on my shoulders. In that moment, her unique smell surrounded and didn’t help at all with these thoughts that I had. She then sat again in front of me and Bellamy. Then the blue met green and she had that smirk on her face. I wanted to erase it, preferably with my lips. The rest of our group was conversing and we didn’t notice anything that wasn’t us. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Your friend is drinking hers third drink…? - Monty said about Octavia.

\- I have no idea? – I looked over to Octavia. – She doesn’t look drunk…

\- Oh, ok…

I redirected my attention on Clarke again, and she was still struggling not looking in my direction, but at the end she did it anyway. She crossed her hands over her legs, like she was stopping herself of doing something that she would regret later. She was biting her lip too and I could only imagine what circled around in her head. 

\- You’re so quiet… - Bellamy said. – You’re never quiet…

\- I’m thinking… - I shrugged my shoulders.

\- Yeah… I can imagine… - Bellamy laughed. – But, have you heard at least the topic of our conversation?

\- Yes… Something about your car going slow… Don’t you have good engineers? 

\- I do… Well, I did… - Bellamy made a pause. – I had to fire two people from my team… They were having deals with the competitions, selling some of my secrets…

\- I may have someone who can help you… - I said.

\- You do? Someone in this field that I don’t know…?

\- Yeah, a friend… - I couldn’t look at Clarke, but I knew that she was looking at me… Did she know that I meant Luna? – Yes… Luna…

\- Luna? –He made a pause, thinking… - The girl from the club?

\- Yeah…

\- I don’t know… 

\- She’s a good girl and she knows what she’s doing… I saw something of her look and she surprised me, in a good way… But, the only thing I knew about cars I learned from you, but I did say to her that she has to you. You are the expert.

\- Ok… Look, I can talk to her at least… Tell her to come to my office and I’ll see… That’s the least I can promise, the rest will be on her. – Bellamy said.

\- Ok, that’s fair. - After that there is a moment of silence that Octavia interrupted, going for one more drink... Raven was quiet, just nursing her drink and looking at Octavia. Something was strange with them since they came here, Octavia started drinking and Raven got quiet and she’s never quiet…

\- I have to go to bathroom… - Clarke got up and started walking towards the bathroom…

\- How do you know where the bathroom...is? – Bellamy suddenly asked her.

That question terrified me and Clarke just stood there, frozen… What would she say? What can she say? Bellamy then repeated the question and it was noticeable that he was serious… Clarke looked at me, and I could see in her eyes that she was worried, but then she smiled and said. 

\- It’s always the same…Down the hallway on the right? – She still had her smile, but I could see it that it’s fake, and that she’s waiting for Bellamy’s reaction…

\- Yeah, it’s down the hallway, but it’s on the left… - I smiled. – You were mistaken…- It’s believable right? I had a small conversation in my head. 

Bellamy, then, laughed and that was a clear sign that the dangerous moment passed and that he found funny Clarke’s guess where the bathroom is.

\- Come on… I’ll show it to you. – I walked in the direction of the bathroom and she had guessed that my proposition had double sense, so she walked in front of me. 

I liked everything about her. Her beauty, her elegance, the way she tells me everything that it’s on her mind, her way of biting her lip when she thinks of something ‘dirty’… The way her hair moves when she walks how her lips look just a bit more swollen after my kisses… God! The way her hips move when she walks and that was what had me so mesmerized while we were walking to the bathroom…

So, I walked faster standing next to her. – You are doing that on purpose… - I said.

\- I don’t know what you mean… - Clarke looked at me, faking innocence.

\- Oh, you do know… - I smirked.

\- Like you didn’t know what you were doing earlier in the living room… - She looked in my eyes.

\- I plead the fifth… - I said, still smiling. We were there and I showed her to enter, but I entered after her. I hugged her from behind, placing a kiss on her neck. -I could be persuaded to tell you all my darkest secrets… - Trailing my hand over her waist, I pulled out her shirt up and scraped my fingers on the newly discovered patch of skin. Her body relaxed on mine when I touched her.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Then, I stepped out of her touch… I didn’t want to fall in her game and it’s all what my mind was telling me all this time, because if we stay there for too long Bellamy will notice. 

\- Lexa, we can’t do that… here… Bellamy is out there… He’ll hear us. – I was trying with all my force to control my instincts that were telling me to go for it and kiss her.

\- He won’t hear us… - Lexa made a step towards and I made one back. We were doing that until my back hit the door. – I can show you that I was very serious on the track. – She was so close and I was standing between her and the door. – You’re mine. – Her lips were close; I could feel her breath on mine. I wanted to kiss her, so bad.

\- I don’t think that you can prove that… - I was trying to be strong, when all I wanted is that Lexa grabs me and kisses me.

\- Ah, yes? You think so? – She was even closer. – How do you know that I can’t prove what I’m saying? – She moved her hand on my skin, moving it towards the edge of my bra. – What will you do, if I can prove it? – Lexa kissed me then and she lifted my shirt over my head and off. She kneaded my breasts covered my bra and I put my closed my hands behind her head. Then she put her hand on my backside and lifted me, I immediately closed my legs on over her waist. Our got more heated and the desire we were denying all day, was now pouring. 

If we continue like this we will do the same thing that we do every time that we’re in the close approximation like this. Nothing could stop us until we reach the highest climax, and sometime neither that would stop us.

God…! Lexa was right. I was hers; well at least my body was… And, my heart? No, I can’t confuse passion and love… I couldn’t… But, in that moment, meanwhile se unbuttoned my pants and she made her way to my center…

\- I hate when you are wearing jeans… - Her fingers reached inside my panties and my body started reacting, getting wetter… - It’s hard for me to reach… - She then moved faster her fingers against my clit.- But, I like a challenge. – Lexa then smirked.

I silenced a moan that was coming up with my hand and if Bellamy wasn’t there I would be yelling Lexa’s name now. The pleasure that she was providing me was so good, but I needed her lips on mine. – Lexa, please… - I never finished my sentence, because in that moment the door was opening and I barely had any time to zip my jeans, when they entered.

\- Oh, my… - Monty said.

\- What are you doing? – Anya said after him. She then whispered and said in a quieter voice… - Do you want someone to catch you?

\- Can someone explain to me what’s going on here? – Monty said, still in a surprised mood.

I took my legs of her waist and put it down. I couldn’t say anything and I even couldn’t look at Anya’s eyes.

\- Bellamy is right outside… You should thank God that I suggested coming to see what’s going on with you two…

\- Anya, I… - I tried to say, but she interrupted me.

\- Bellamy wanted to come, but no… I didn’t let him… I was a good friend trying to cover for you, yet again… Do you know how hard it was to convince him not to come here…? I had to say, that you… - She looked at Lexa. - …were probably got distracted with something… Yeah, distracted with his fiancé… You have to be more careful, don’t you know that? He’s not stupid and if you continue like this he will discover you and then will be so much mess… - Anya paused for a few moments, like she was thinking about something. – You are thinking only with one thing… I’m starting to think that maybe my idea about you two is completely ridiculous and that the only thing between you two is just desire…

\- What idea? – Lexa asked.

\- Nothing… Forget about it…- Anya answered, looking directly at Lexa.

\- Hey! I’m still here! – Monty said.

\- What idea Anya? – Lexa looked at Monty for a moment and then redirected her attention on Anya again. 

\- It’s nothing… There is no idea… - She said that a little louder and when she did that, she looked at the door like Bellamy would enter in any moment. – You two should go out there, but, not together… Bellamy will notice something… 

\- Happy tree day! – Monty tried again. It irritated him when no one noticed that he was even there.

\- Monty, please doesn’t tell about this to anybody… I’ll explain it to you later. – Lexa said and then she looked at Anya again. – You’re right… It’s better that you two go first… - She them looked at me… - Clarke, you go with Anya, maybe Bellamy won’t suspect anything.

I nodded and went with Anya, but before that I looked at Monty and then at Lexa, asking her with no words to explain it to Monty.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Can you now explain that? – Monty asked.

\- I think that you know what’s going on here… - Anya and Clarke were gone and I stayed alone with Monty.

\- Yes, but why her… I need an explanation… Why your friend’ fiancé and you were here, having a good time? There are so many women on this planet, in this city… - He was confused about the same thing that I was asking myself all this time.

\- Do you want an honest answer?

\- It’s the least you can do…

\- I don’t know…

\- What’s wrong with you? I mean, that answer is not enough to explain this mess…

\- Monty, I really don’t know… I can’t describe what I feel when she’s in front of me. I just know that is stronger than everything, even me. When I’m with her, I lose control and I have this need to kiss her and I can’t stop it…

\- Ok… Ok, enough… I don’t need to know what you two do when you can’t stop…

\- Please, don’t tell Bellamy…

\- Lexa… Who’s my friend here, you or Bellamy…? I won’t tell anything and if Anya is keeping this secret, so will I. – He made a pause and then he said. – Just, remind me not to introduce you to any of my girlfriends… - He smiled and went out to the living room. I laughed too at that commentary. Monty is a good friend and I knew that I could count on him.

Few hours later…

\- You’re crazy, do you know that? – I opened the door of my apartment and found Clarke on the other side of the door.

\- I know… - She passed beside me and she threw her bag on the chair, seating on the armchair. – But, you never did convince me that I’m yours… - She made a pause and shrugged. – So, I decided that I’m going to give you one more chance.

I closed the door and directed my attention on Clarke. – So, Bellamy left you in your apartment, you looked took your stuff, took your car and you came here. – I put my hands on the armchair, leaning on them and staying so close to her.

\- I just had to change my jeans for a skirt, and look for the keys of the car.

\- It’s three in the morning… - I brushed my lips on hers. – You’re not sleepy?

\- Why? Are you? – Clarke looked at me with a smirk.

\- It’s no so strange… It was a strange day… - I took a step away from her and went to the bar to pour myself a drink. – You know… The race, our adventure in my bathroom, your looks that you directed to me not so long… You know that you have to tell me what you were thinking about. – I smiled. – I went to her and I gave her one of the drinks. – Monty’s interrogation, and of course we can’t forget about drunk Octavia. – I smiled.

Clarke laughed and looked at me like she was indicating to kiss her. That was so powerful and I knew that she didn’t need to show her that she’s mine. She needed to prove me that I was hers too. – Don’t complain about that… Thanks to that, the party was over and I could come here. - She laughed. – I was so glad that Raven offered to drive her home… She was so worried about Octavia.

I shrugged. – They have their thing, and a past. It was impossible for her not to worry.

\- Do you know what else is good about drunken Octavia? – Clarke asked.

\- No…

\- This after party and I have to say that I’m fonder of this one… There wasn’t any danger that someone opens the door and enters, catching us in a very awkward position. – I took her drink and I place it on the table. – We are alone?

\- Completely… - I kissed her with everything I had and pushed her down on her back to the couch. I went on top of her, not interrupting our kiss. This kiss was full of passion and desire. Her hands played with the edge of my shirt; meanwhile my fingers unbuttoned her shirt.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Lexa’s hands were touching my breasts as her lips were on my neck. In one moment, my shirt went flying and everything was happening very fast. We didn’t even have time to catch a breath. Half an hour before this, Bellamy left me at my place, saying goodbye with a kiss and a ‘Bye love’… And, here I am now, with her hands down my stomach and down my skirt to my panties where she put her hand, feeling the wetness there. I moaned when I felt Lexa’s hand on my femininity and played with the most sensitive place on my body.

\- Please Lexa, don’t torture me more… - I begged, meanwhile I couldn’t take it anymore and I felt the orgasm near. But, she pay attention on my words, she was still playing with my body, making me feel like I’m on cloud nine. I felt like I was going to the stars and back. I yelled her name, loudly; meanwhile my body was shaking from the orgasm.

\- Did you like it? – Lexa asked me.

\- I love it, but you?

\- The night is still young Clarke… - She got up, pulling me from the hand and I was still influenced from that incredible orgasm. Lexa’s hands were guiding towards her and to her bedroom. After that night, she already convinced me that my body was hers… But, is it my heart too?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter... :) Please tell me if it's a problem?

Clarke felt Lexa played with the waistband of her red panties, it was all she was wearing at the moment. Lexa kept Clarke from removing all her clothes, wanting to take her time as she wanted to drive her crazy. She was successful at that because she drove her to the ledge and held her there, waiting until Clarke was begging for release. 

-Please… - Clarke whimpered, and Lexa looked up from between Clarke’s legs where she was moving her tongue merciless over her sensitive clit. She saw her eyes and they had deep, dark blue color and she knew it was time to grant Clarke’s wish. She wrapped her arm around Clarke’s thigh and slid a single finger into her. She was moving it slow and shallow inside blondes burning heat. Clarke was so close, and Lexa could recognize noises coming from Clarke’s throat and the way hers muscles held her thigh within her body, so she took blonde’s clit between her lips and traced her tongue on the tip. She saw reaction that provoked in Clarke and she was sure that Clarke was riding her high. 

Lexa let Clarke come, thrusting hard and fast as she was moving her tongue against blonde’s clit.She helped that by curling her fingers and held them steady as Clarke’s muscles tensed and clenched. She loved the moment that made Clarke come, how her entire body tensed like she was fighting herself to lose control, but when it happened it was such a pleasant picture and Lexa could see Clarke relax and her tension fade out. But, then Lexa continued, wanting for Clarke to experience the highest level of pleasure and the second orgasm was just powerful as the first and Clarke arched her back high of the bed to urge me to go deeper and I wanted to feel her against my skin. Clarke’s body trembled and shook as she came and I slowed my motions and began to soothe instead of seducing. I held Clarke still through her orgasm and then I started placing small kisses along her thighs as I pulled out. When Clarke came down from her high I cleaned her up with gentle strokes of my tongue. I washed away the last of hers pleasure and I felt Clarke come over the edge one last time. Clarke whimpered and pulled my hair when she felt my tongue over her over sensitive clit. It was too much for her to handle and I looked at her eyes when she fluttered shut and her legs went limp. I kissed up her body and just as Clarke’s eyes opened, I laid a kiss on her shoulder and smirked as I watched her come back to reality. 

But, then the tables turned…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I turned around to look at Lexa, she was had her trademark smirk on her face. I wanted to made her feel like she made me feel. So, I leaned forward, kissing warm skin of Lexa’s stomach as my hand palmed her breast. I held her breast and I ran my thumb over hers nipples and I was pleased when I saw that they perked up and hardened under my attention. Lexa closed her eyes and smiled and then I slipped my fingers into the space between her body and the waistband of Lexa’s panties. I then slowly pulled those panties down brunet’s legs and I kissed down her body as I slid my hand on her inner thing. 

\- You look so beautiful. – I said with my chin perched on Lexa’s hip and she smiled. I kissed her above her core. My tongue pressed on her clit and my two fingers swirled around her opening. Lexa gasped at the sensation and rocked into me as I gently entered into her. I paused for a moment letting Lexa adjust and then I started moving my fingers. Lexa’s eyes closed and she moved her hands over her mouth to keep down her moaning. I moved her arm away, wanting to hear her moans. – None of that… I want to know to hear your voice as I make you come. – Then Lexa moaned loudly as I picked up pace. As I pulled her sensitive nub between my lips, I curled my fingers and continued the movement until Lexa was crying out my name. I traced my tongue over her while she was riding her high and then I fell on her side. My breathing accelerated and I looked at the watch on my side table. It was 4:40am. I smiled and then I put my hands around her waist, getting ready to go to sleep. Lexa then turned around and looked at my eyes and said. – Good night Clarke…

\- Good night Lexa. – I said and then she settled down in my arms. I smiled, feeling this immersed happiness.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I woke up and I felt Clarke in front of my body. It was the best feeling to have her so close when I wake up in the morning. I turned around to see the clock on the side table and it was late. I was late. I should call Anya to tell her that I’ll be late, but I have to do this careful, so I don’t to wake up Clarke. When I moved I felt that if I continue that, she would wake up, so I just stayed there watching her sleep. She is beautiful. I could get used to seeing her every morning. It would be nice to live my life with her, without hiding… Walking around, holding hands in public… Maybe having kids...? – What am I thinking…? – I whispered. That was impossible, I can’t think about that… Clarke moved then and my arm was free, so I stood up and went to the bathroom. I called Anya from there… 

\- Lexa, why are not here? Your father is looking for you…

\- I didn’t hear my alarm… Tell my father that I’m stuck in traffic and that I’m on my way…

\- Lexa, I can’t lie to your father anymore… I really hope that you’re on the way…

\- I am Anya… I’ll be there as soon I can… Please, tell him that and I’ll never ask for this big favor.

\- Ok… - She made a pause and then she said. – Please tell Clarke, that is if she’s awake, to let go a little. We don’t want you to get fired. – She joked and I smiled. I knew that I’ll always have a friend in Anya.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I stretched with my eyes closed, looking for her on the other side of the bed. I didn’t have a success and I opened my eyes to see that I’m alone in Lexa’s room. So, after I found her robe I got up from the bed. I accidentally saw the clock and it was past 10 o’clock… Great… I’m late, so I hurried to find my clothes in the living room and on there on the table there was breakfast, a red rose and a piece of paper that had something written on it. I smiled, she was so attentive. The breakfast is still warm, so I supposed that she just leaved. Then I took her note to read. 

\- Good morning beautiful! When I woke up this morning I saw your face and I wanted to stay there, admiring you forever. But, if I knew that if I didn’t leave soon, I knew that Anya would be hurt and that’s not fair. You can have breakfast and I left a key for you in the lock. I know that I should have woken you, but like I said, you looked so beautiful. I couldn’t… I hope that you can enjoy your breakfast and the key is yours… - Then, there was something that I couldn’t read and so I skipped to the next part. – Take care Clarke. I call you later, Lexa. – I sigh deeply and I sat down to have breakfast. I was already late, so few more minutes didn’t matter. The breakfast was great and I wanted her there with me…Now, tomorrow, every day of my life… What am I thinking…? I can’t think like that, when I have his ring… I looked at my hand and the ring wasn’t there… It was there, on Lexa’s side table where I always leave it before I get in bed with her. I went to the side table and there was an old photo of Bellamy, Lexa and Raven. They were staying by the pool, pushing Bellamy in the pool. I smiled, but then that same smile died on my lips. What am I thinking? I stood between two best friends and I was ruining their friendship… I was that women that hugged her fiancé and then looked for every possible opportunity to have sex with his best friend. I put the ring back on my finger and I went to the bathroom to take a shower. I saw there a trashcan and everything told me to throw that ring in that trash… Threw it and run… That simple sentence repeated in my mind. I closed my eyes not to listen to my mind and took my clothes off, entering the shower. Maybe, a shower will help me to clear my mind…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I was in my office, resting from the most tiring meeting in my life. I was at my desk, writing a proposal for the account in Italia, and I couldn’t stop thinking about Clarke. The memory from last night it was pressed in my mind. The way she touched, the soft kisses on my body… I give up on the proposal and leaned back on the chair. I need to stop thinking about her…I need something… Anya stopped my thinking about Clarke when she knocked on my office door and came in.

\- Yeah, yeah… It’s a hard life… Thinking what you and Clarke did last night? – She said.

\- You can now read minds? – I stood up and went to the bar to pour myself a drink.

\- I don’t have need for that… Your face is telling me a pretty interesting story… - She sat on the chair in front of my desk. – She has you bad?

\- If you under bad mean completely under her control and nonstop thinking about her… You’re right… - I sipped my drink. – I really don’t know what’s going on with her… If I believed in that stuff, I would say its magic... I can’t stop thinking about… - I stopped before I said something inappropriate.

\- About? – He enticed me to continue.

\- About… About her, about what we do…

\- You wanted to say something else… - Anya said.

\- Yeah… But, it’s better like that… I believe that you don’t want to hear details…

\- You’re right… I don’t… - She stood up and placed some papers on my desk. – This is from Monty… It’s his proposal for the campaign… There are some documents from your dad…

\- Thanks Anya… I’ll read them when I clear my mind…

Anya laughed and said. – Then, that’s going to take a while…

\- Just you joke… - Anya laughed harder and went out of my office and I just sat there, thinking about her again…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I parked my car in my parking spot and then I got out the car. I stopped for a moment to clear my mind and I leaned on my car, trying to breathe profoundly. I was late, and my boss for sure wasn’t pleased with me… But, I couldn’t stop thinking about her… The previous night was special and I couldn’t stop replaying it in my mind.

I walked to the building and I went in the elevator. It went eight floors up to my office. The door opened my assistant was there, waiting with news…

\- Yeah, yeah I know I’m late and that probably should talk with Camilla…

\- And here’s your mail… - Jasper passed my mail.

\- Thanks… - I entered in my office and he followed me in. – Do I have some calls?

\- Yes, your fiancé called and I told him that you’re not in yet…

\- Ok… If he calls again, pass me the call.

\- I will. – He went out and I sat in my chair, trying to concentrate on my job, but there was that thought from Lexa shower again. I needed to organize my thoughts and my emotions… I needed to concentrate on what’s important and what I have to do, but how…? Every time I close my eyes, I think about her. 

I took out from my bag the rose she left for me and I smelled her, trying to see if it smelled like she did. With the hand that I was holding the rose, there was the ring from Bellamy. It was like I had a choice between two paths… I had to stop thinking about her… I should do some work, so I took the mail Jasper gave me and I saw something that intrigued me. There was an offer for a job in Paris for gallery that I visited last summer. 

I had to think of the best solution for this mess I made. My head was full of different emotions and sensations… I just wanted to have my mind clear, to understand what I am feeling. I have to understand if this situation that we were in, is worth it and are my feelings strong enough. I never went to deep to explore my feelings… I guess it was always simple to think that I’ll marry Bellamy… That Lexa and I don’t have a future and that we’ll just end this torrid affair, if I can even call it that… But, on the other side I would have to tell Bellamy… I can only imagine how that would go, or to accept this offer for a job and to ask Bellamy to leave everything and to go with me. Besides, I couldn’t do that to Lexa… She was in this like I am and I can’t just leave with Bellamy.

\- Lexa… - I said her name. Is it for her that I can’t even consider that job in Paris? I laughed at that thought; meanwhile I was sitting alone in my office. That’s ridiculous… It’s not because of her… Or is it…? Am I capable to leave all this and just go to Paris? I laughed again, because I was still talking to myself… - I’m crazy… It’s obvious that I can’t accept that offer because I have Bellamy and our wedding to think about. The wedding… That’s the other thing… I mean, how can I continue this thing with Lexa and marry Bellamy… I couldn’t do that… Why’s that? Do I feel something stronger for Lexa? Or is it just physical? No… There is something, because I can’t stop thinking about her…. Yeah, there is something more, but what?

Jasper then entered in my office and said. – Clarke, Camilla is looking for you…

\- Ok, let her know that I’ll be in her office in two minutes, but I have first to drop by PR…

\- Ok, and if someone calls you? Should I transfer them to Camilla’s office…? –He asked.

\- No… I have my cell here with me… - I said and I passed beside Jasper and went through the hallway to the section where PR is…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Hey… - Monty entered in my office. – Thanks for telling me that you’ll sleep in… I had to take a taxi…

\- Sorry… I totally forgot that I had to pick you up… - I said as I moved through the office to sit at my desk.

\- Don’t forget again… Or at least tell me… - His face was serious, but then he smiled… - But, I guess you were busy… Did Clarke come back after we all went home?

\- No… - I said unconvincingly… 

\- Ha-ha, you’re lying… - He laughed louder.

\- How do you know that? – I asked Monty.

\- Well… First you didn’t pick me up… Second, it’s so obvious... Anya and I stopped you two, and if I know you, you wouldn’t let it go just like that… The last one, you look like a zombie… Did you sleep at all?

\- Ok, ok… We were together. – I said and Monty laughed.

\- I just have one question… How long are you two together? – He asked.

\- We are not together, but this last for the past month and two weeks…

\- Ok… - He looked surprised. – Ok… That’s something… But, let’s change the topic… Did you look at my proposal?

\- Yes… Yeah, I did… I approved it and here is your funding… -I gave him a check and in that moment my phone rang and I answered it. Monty seeing that nodded his head and went out of my office. 

Luna was on the other line…

\- Hey Luna! – I said.

\- Lexa, how are you? –She asked.

I smiled. – I’m ok. I was about to call you to tell you that I talked with my friend and he’s willing to have a mitting, you just have to call him first… I’ll send you his number.

\- Lexa, that’s great! Thank you so much! – I heard how she was jumping from happiness on the other side of the line. – But, really thank you! There are not so many people who would do that or someone who knows a few weeks…

\- It’s my pleasure. I know that you’re a good person and that’s enough. Besides, he needed an engineer and you’re one, so it’s not a brainer and don’t worry too much about this interview… Bellamy is a professional and you just have to talk about cars with him, because that’s his life.

\- That’s great! Are you friend for long time? – Luna asked me.

\- Yeah, since we were kids…

\- So, it’s one of those friendships that last for a lifetime? – She asked and I immediately felt a sense of guilt…

\- Yeah, it is… - I smiled.

\- Ok, I’ll let you know how the interview goes…

\- Ok… Bye! – I said as I let my phone down on my desk. I was still thinking about what Luna said. Friendship that lasts a lifetime… I made so many mistakes… Being with his fiancé was so inappropriate and I betrayed him. Some day he will find out and he will know how terrible friend I am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it a problem or should I continue like this?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here's one more chapter.

\- So… Let me get this straight… Someone offers you a position that makes you my boss and you are going to turn it down....? – Camilla, my boss said to me.– You’re crazy…

\- Thanks Camilla, I love you to. – I smiled.

\- Clarke, seriously… You can’t deny this… It’s once in a lifetime position…

\- I know… But, with everything that’s going on with Bellamy and the wedding is only a few months away… I just can’t…

\- If someone would offer me that position, I would leave my husband on the altar… - Camilla said.

I laughed. – No, you wouldn’t…

\- Hmm, maybe… - She acted like she was thinking about it. – You’re right; I’ll love him too much… I would just send him a message him that I’m going to Paris and if he wants he can come too. - I laughed again, because I love these conversations with Camilla. She was first my friend and then everything else… We always started talking about business and then without noticing it, we were talking about something private… - Then, the topic about Paris a firm, no? – She asked me.

\- Yeah, but I’ll tell them that I have to think about it… You never know what can happen…

\- That’s it Clarke! I like it when you talk like that. – She smiled. - But, now let’s talk about this show that we have…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I was still in my office, trying very hard to concentrate on the job in front of me, but through my head she was still moving around, stopping me to really commit to the papers that I needed to review. So, I took my cell again and called her.

\- Hello? – She answered.

\- Clarke… I missed your voice. 

\- Then you could’ve wakened me up this morning… - Her voice was cold, without any emotion.

\- Are you mad? – I asked her.

\- You already know the answer…

\- I wrote you a letter and there I explained everything…

\- That’s paper… - Clarke said, her voice still the same.

\- Clarke… I know that I made a mistake, but… It’ll never happen again…- She didn’t say anything after that and there was this silence between us.

\- Are you doing something this evening…? – She asked me after a long pause.

\- Nothing… 

\- Me too… But, I have to see with Bellamy… He usually calls at the last-minute… 

\- Ok… If he doesn’t call you, you can send me message, and if he does… Then, we’ll see each other some other day and I you want to come over, you have a key… - We sounded so weird and it was like we never talked before… Like we needed to say something more…- Clarke… - I said and then I made a pause…

\- Yeah…? – Clarke said.

\- I like you Clarke. – I said and there was silence. Then I hear shuffling on the other side of the line…

\- What? – She asked. – What did you say?

I didn’t know what to say… On the other side there was now just an accelerated breathing. Did I make a huge mistake saying that…? Was it what I intended to say? Was it the right moment? What should I say now? – Nothing… I didn’t say anything… Clarke, it was nothing… - I tried to erase, but I couldn’t…

\- Lexa… - She said like she wanted to reproach me for trying to retreat my words.

\- You don’t have to say anything… I didn’t… Come on, we’re going to talk some other time… I have to… - Clarke interrupted me then.

\- No, wait… Lexa…

\- Clarke, forget about it… I didn’t say anything and the subject is closed…

\- No, Lexa… The subject is opened… I need to hear you say that again…

\- What’s the point of that Clarke…? – My mind shut down and I started rambling… - Ok! I like you… Are you happy now? I like you… Can we talk about something else now?

\- Lexa, no…

\- Clarke… Please…

\- Please nothing…. – Clarke’s voice got louder and she said next. – Lexa, I…

I interrupted her again. – Clarke, you don’t have to…

She said then. – I like you too! Ok? – Then silence on the both sides of the line. I could hear that she was trying to stabilize her breathing and we just stayed like that, in silence. I didn’t know what to say and I believed that she didn’t either…

\- Clarke… You don’t have to say it if you don’t mean it… - I wanted to run away from this conversation… It was a big mistake.

\- How do you know what I feel?! – She sounded angry. – I like you too and that’s what I wanted to say… Why do you think that I’m lying?! I mean… That is how we are feeling, right? – Clarke whispered it. – We like each other… We are close and we are feeling some type of…I mean, it’s not…? – She stopped before she said that word…

-It’s not, what? – I asked now.

\- Nothing… Forget about it… Lexa… I’ll call you if Bellamy doesn’t call me… Bye… - Clarke rushed through those last words…

\- Clarke…

\- Lexa, I have to go… Bye… - She left me with words on the tip of my tongue… I wanted to call her again, but I wasn’t sure if she would answer it… I got up then from my desk and went to the bar to have a drink… I needed it. 

That call was very different from what I wanted to say when I called her… But, what she wanted to say…?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Jasper knocked on my door. – Can I?

\- Yeah, sure… - I watched my phone and was thinking that maybe I shouldn’t stop our conversation like that… - What do you need?

\- Do you have to call someone? – He asked me.

\- No… - I had this restlessness inside of me that I couldn’t shake… It started in the moment Lexa said that she loves me… I mean, she didn’t love me, she just liked me… Or, did she mean love…? I told her too… She means something special to me, that I had very clear… But, it wasn’t lov…I shouldn’t even think about that… We liked each other. That was it and only that, nothing more.

\- Clarke! 

\- Yes… - I just realized that Jasper was still there and that he was telling me something… - What’s going on?

\- I have this papers that need your signature… - He dropped it on my desk. – Seriously, on what world are you now?

\- You can’t even imagine it Jas… - I moved my hands over my face. – There are always problems… But, is there any call for me?

\- There were some, but nothing important…

\- Ok… 

\- If Bellamy calls, I’ll transfer it, right? – He asked as he went out of my office.

\- Yeah… - Bellamy… I’m so bad person… I just told his best friend that I like her and there was something that I still felt about Bellamy. Was it still love? 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

My head hurt... I had I headache from the pointless conversation I just had with Clarke… My words were pointless because I realized that I didn’t like her… I love her. That I should’ve said. Not to let her think that I just liked her, because this was stronger than that and I knew that the moment she hung up the call.I should’ve been braver and not falter the first time I told her.

Anya entered my office and had this grin on her face. – Are you busy? – She was still smiling.

\- Yeah and why are you so smiley…? – I wasn’t in the mood for smiling.

\- I’ll tell you, but you can’t get mad… - She made a pause and then she said. – I was bringing you this document and I accidentally overheard your call with Clarke… Sorry…

\- It’s ok… - I sipped another drink from my glass. – How much did you heard?

\- Some… - Anya was now avoiding my eyes and I knew that she was lying. I smiled. – Ok, don’t look at me that way… I heard it all.

\- Then, you know that I’m just about to explode… She is going to drive me crazy…

\- If you aren’t yet… Is it true, though? Did you tell her the truth? – I knew now that she knew… - Come on Lexa, you have to tell her… You don’t just like her, you love her.

\- I do like her Anya… - I tried.

\- Lexa… - Her voice was now threatening, but in that moment my phone rang again and I told Anya to wait for me because I had a feeling that this conversation is not over. But, it wasn’t Clarke… It was Raven…

\- Yeah? – I said.

\- Ouch... – Raven said.

\- What?

\- You answered that call like you were going to hit me.

\- Raven, I’m not in the mood for jokes… What do you need? Do you need to go out, to pick some girls up?

\- Wow… That’s your opinion of me? I just called because I needed you help…

\- Ok… What?

\- Lexa, I did something that I shouldn’t have…

\- Raven, you are scaring me…

\- Are you in your office? I need to talk with you and I couldn’t control it… I don’t feel well… I really need to talk with you…

\- Ok… But, please tell me what have you done…? You are scaring me…

\- I’m like five minutes away… I’ll be right there and I promise to tell you everything… - Raven said and then the line went silent.

\- Is something wrong with your friend? – Anya asked me.

\- I don’t know… Let her right in when she’s here…

\- Ok… - She went to the door. – Don’t worry Lexa, Clarke will call you. – I just sat there looking at the door, hoping that she will.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Someone knocked on the door of my office and I just said ‘enter’ without looking who it is… I was working, trying not to think about Lexa, when I suddenly felt someone’s arms around my waist and Bellamy’s cologne filled up my senses…

\- Are you busy love?

\- Some… Not really… - I turned in his hands… 

\- Ok… - He smiled. – How was your day?

At that question, first I thought about was Lexa and I tried to clear my mind. – It was ok, nothing special. – Lie. It was very special... But, I couldn’t tell that to Bellamy. – Yours?

\- It was boring… I had to deal with some documents and more documents… I didn’t even have time to go to the workshop… - He lifted my chin then and kissed me. – Can we go now?

-Yes… We can, I just have to gather my stuff and I’m ready. – I took my bag and the jacket that I had on earlier and we went out.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Wow… Not only that you don’t sound like you usually do, you even look like you sound… - Raven said as entered in my office.

\- I didn’t sleep at all last night... Plus, I had like five whiskeys, so… - I went to the bar to pour her a drink too. -Now… Tell me what’s going on…

\- Like usual, I did something very stupid… I believed that, it’s all is behind me but no… It’s not, and now I did this and it’s worse…

\- Rae… Tell me what’s going on… Can I help you somehow?

\- It’s Octavia… - She passed her hands over her face. – Octavia is what’s going on…

\- I don’t understand… What’s Octavia has with this? Did something happen to her? – I was very confused and I was watching Raven meanwhile she drank all the liquor from her glass.

\- Uhh, this is strong… No… She’s okay and I’m going to tell you, but this remains between us… I don’t want anybody to know this, especially Octavia.

\- You know that I won’t tell anybody anything… Now talk… - I was getting impatient.

\- Ok… - Raven settled on my sofa and started talking. – Everything happened few years after you went to London… Do you remember that I told you that I liked her…?

\- Yeah…

\- I was crazy about her, even if I was with that chick Echo… So, you were gone and Bellamy, Octavia and I started to go out more often together… We went out like every day and even when I was with Echo, I would look for some moment to be with Octavia… In one of those moments, we kissed. It was amazing, so I broke off with Echo and we started something. But, then I had to ruin everything… 

\- What happened? – I asked curious because neither Octavia nor Raven did share this story.

\- Echo… She came to my room; crying and I took pity of her because she was wet from the rain. I let her in and we talked… After this long talk she said that she wants a drink, so I went to pour something and then I went to put her wet clothes in the hamper. Then I went to the table and she already had all of her drink, so I decided to have some. I drank maybe two sips and I felt like the room was turning around with me…

\- Raven, did she drug you?

\- I think so… The next thing I know, someone is yelling and I was in her arms, so I opened my eyes thinking that I was with Octavia…. But, when I saw Octavia standing beside the door and Echo in my bed, naked… So I wanted to get up, but I couldn’t… It was like my body didn’t respond… I tried to explain the next day and that whole month and she never let me…

\- She never wanted to hear the whole story?

\- No… I tried and tried, but after so many attempts I decided to continue with my life and after that we were always like this… Always arguing…

\- That’s not fair… But, what brought up this reaction…?

\- Last night happened… As you know, she was drunk last night and I was worried, so I wanted to take her home… She insulted me the whole way and she was so uncooperative the whole way to her house. But, when I parked my car, she was asleep… She looked like an angel.

\- Oh… Ok, and what did you do?

\- What I could do…? I picked her up and I carried her to her bed and then it hit me… She was there lying on the bed, looking so beautiful… I couldn’t take it more and I kissed her…

\- You did what?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

We entered into his apartment, the lights were dimmed and I could feel his cologne everywhere… I was so many times here, but for some reason my legs were shaking… I went to the window, because I needed some air... His place was like Lexa’s… It had big windows that overlooked the city and the lights were mesmerizing… I stood there for some time, just thinking when Bellamy came behind me and hugged me from behind. I felt that my body tensed up when our bodies touched.

\- What are you thinking about? – He asked me.

\- Nothing… - My body started shaking now… What’s going on….?

Bellamy kissed my neck. – You’re shaking… Are you cold or something? I can adjust the temperature…

\- Yeah, I’m a little chilly… - I lied.

\- I can fix that. – He enveloped in the hug, his hands were moving over my body and he kissed my neck again. – I missed you. We weren’t together for so long… I want you.

\- I was busy… - I answered, still tense. I knew what he was saying and what would come after that… - You were busy too.

\- I know… I’m here now, you’re here now… - He turned me in his hand to face him and then he placed a few kisses down my neck… - We’re not busy now… - He was trailing kisses over my neck, to my jaw and every time closer to my lips. – What do you say? Can we go to the bedroom?

I didn’t know what to say… My legs were shaking; the whole body was shaking… In that moment I thought about Lexa… In the last couple of months I was with her and I wasn’t with Bellamy. But, I was with him earlier… Why all I wanted now is to run away? What’s changed?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  
I was still talking with Raven… It was dark outside and all the people from the company finished for the day and went home and we were still on my couch, talking and drinking… It was forever since we talked like this…

\- Then London?Was it fun? – Raven asked me.

\- Yes… It was great… The people are so different and there I had so much freedom. After what happened here, there was paradise…

\- What about the girls? – She smiled. Raven was Raven and I always thought that nothing can change that, but maybe now…

\- Yeah… The girls were great.

\- Was there someone special? – She asked, suddenly serious.

\- For a long time, there wasn’t anyone… Just girls that went through my life… But, then I met someone and we were together for three years…

\- That’s over?

\- Yeah… Everything has expiration date… Ours came half a year ago… After that, I knew that I wanted again something serious…

\- So, there is someone here too? I noticed that you don’t go out with, so there probably is someone who has all your attention?

\- No… There isn’t anyone. – I couldn’t tell her… Bellamy is her friend to and I didn’t want to put her in awkward position. 

\- That girl from the club? – When Raven starts something she rarely let’s go. – You even told Bellamy to interview her for a job in his company…

\- Her name is Luna, but we’re just friends…

\- Knowing you, I can’t believe that…

\- Please Raven…

\- Ok, ok… I won’t ask anything more…

I smiled and then I looked at my watch… - Wow… It’s nine o’clock…

\- The time flies…- Raven made a pause. –Thank you for listening Lexa. It helped to share all my thoughts and pain with you. I needed to clear my mind of everything Octavia…

\- I think that’s not a good idea…

\- It’s the best solution… She doesn’t love me, so if I continue like this she’ll hate me and I will eventually forget about her.

\- I don’t like that plan… - We stood up and Raven was waiting for me while I took some stuff of my desk. – But, you know best… Do you need a ride?

\- I have my car… - We went out and Anya was still there.

\- Sorry Anya, we were so immersed in our talk and the time filed by… - I said to Anya.

\- No, it’s okay… I had the time to finish everything…

\- Were any calls for me?

Anya looked at my eyes then and she knew what I was asking. – No… There weren’t. But, there is a girl who is waiting for you… She’s h… - In that moment I felt that someone hugged me from behind and Luna’s excited voice in my ear.

\- Thank you so much. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

We were now in the bed… I was beneath Bellamy; meanwhile he was shirtless and was kissing my collarbone. I felt weird… Different somehow… His kisses weren’t the same and I wasn’t feeling it like I used to. I didn’t know why, but my body was tense and I could only think how strange his kisses feel.

\- Bellamy… - Suddenly I had problems with breathing…

\- Don’t talk love… - Another kiss on my lips now… - You have to relax and just enjoy…- He looked in my eyes then. – Close your eyes and forget about all your problems. It’s just you and I in this moment.

I did what he wanted and I closed my eyes, trying to relax… I felt his kisses on my lips and it was a gentle kiss. His hands were roaming my body, trying to get my shirt off. Meanwhile, my eyes were closed, trying to concentrate and not to think… Suddenly, it was like a movie was going off in my head… It was a movie how Lexa and I met, our first kiss. How she made me feel… That night in that storage room when we were so close, our bodies merged and she was a perfect match for my body. Everything that we did come suddenly and I felt them all… Hers kisses, touches, the desire… So, I pushed him and I got up from the bed, putting some space between us. Why was I thinking about Lexa when I’m with Bellamy?

\- What’s going on love? – He looked at me from the bed.

\- Everything is okay… I just… I need to use the bathroom… - I looked towards the bathroom door and I wanted to go in there and hide in there. But, when I was about to go, he stood up and was in front of me.

\- Something is wrong? Please, tell what is? – Bellamy asked with a worry present in his voice.

\- I… I’m…- I didn’t know what to say…

In that moment, his cell rang and it was like a salvation for me. He went to answer…

\- Yes?- His voice sounded angry. – Ah, hey Roan… The parts for my car are there? – He made a pause then, he was listening. – Okay, but I ordered it last Monday… - He continued to talk and I used the opportunity and went to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I wanted to clear my mind and stop to think about Lexa… I just sat there by the door and then I didn’t hear Bellamy’s voice anymore and I went out to see him still arguing over the phone on the other side of the apartment. So, I went to the bed to look for my purse and then he saw me and smiled at me.

He said something on the phone and then without breaking the connection he walked in my direction and said. – Sorry love… But, I have something to finish here…

\- It’s okay… I have to go anyway… I have to wake up early tomorrow…

\- Ok love, sleep well and take my car… I don’t like when you have to take taxi so late…

\- I can’t do that Bellamy…

\- Please love, I’m going to have a clear mind if you do it… Please… - He kissed me then and I knew that I had no chance to convince him in something different… So, I relented and kissed him back and then went to the garage to drive myself home.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

With Luna hugging me, Raven was looking me with this look that said she didn’t believe me anything that I told her in my office. After a few moments, Luna moved away and said sorry.She was embarrassed about how she reacted, but she was excited and wanted to express her happiness. I wanted to help and spare Luna from embarrassment, so I introduced her to Raven.

\- Please to meet you and sorry for my behavior. – She then looked properly at Raven. – Do we know each other? 

\- Yeah, maybe from the club… I was with Lexa and the rest… And, what is this excitement about? – Raven looked me like she was expecting that Luna would answer that she’s in love with me.

But, Luna was off course so far away from that. – I talked with your friend Bellamy and we had this long conversation about what I do and I showed him my work, and like you said… - Luna looked at me. – I simply talked about cars. He loved it and gave me the job. – She had this big grin on her ace when she finished the story. – So, I’m so happy and from that came the hug.

Raven looked disappointed. –So, Bellamy gave you the job?

Luna nodded and I said. – You see, he was professional and I bet he didn’t even mention me.

\- No, he hasn’t… Actually, he was in a rush because he wanted to go and pick up Clarke from the office and take her from the dinner. Isn’t that romantic? – Only at the mention of her name, I remained frozen. I knew that if Bellamy took Clarke to dinner, he probably wants her by his side… Maybe to spend the evening together and something more… So, I just nodded at Luna’s question and I heard Raven call Bellamy ‘whipped’. – Ok… I can see that you’re going home, so I’ll leave you… I have to get home and to prepare for a job tomorrow. Listen to me… I have a job! – We smiled and we all went to the parking lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be patient with these two... The hard part is coming...


	18. Chapter 18

I parked Bellamy’s expensive car in my parking lot and then I went to back door to take out the bags from the supermarket. I took the bags in my arms and I closed the door, starting to walk towards the elevator. But, then suddenly I heard her voice behind me.

\- Nice car… - Lexa’s voice was sarcastic. – Can I help you with those bags?

I didn’t know why, but I started crying for some reason… I had this nod in my throat and it was like someone was sitting on my chest. The tears were flowing and I couldn’t do anything to stop them… I knew that she was still there, even if she didn’t say anything more. So, I turned around to see her eyes and in the moment that I saw that color of green that followed me everywhere, I felt a rush of these feelings that I couldn’t explain.

Then, the door off the elevator opened and I turned away and rushed to the elevator, because I didn’t want to cry in front of her. But, I heard her footsteps behind me. Her steps weren’t rushed, it were calm and slow. She was there right before the door closed and we were standing there in silence, with my tears falling down my cheeks. I knew that even if she didn’t say anything, she was waiting that we get to my apartment to ask all the questions that roamed in her head. So, when the doors opened I walked right in to the kitchen to leave the bags… She entered and closed the door behind her, waiting for me to come back to the living room. She just stood there and waited in the silence, so I didn’t have any more choice. I had to go there and talk with her. Everything was so confusing, so complicated, but with this strange calmness. I went to the living room and stood in front of her and she came near me, and hugged me. Without any word, any fuss… She just put her arms around my body and I put my face in the nook of her neck. The tears were flowing and we just stayed there, in silence. Just us two, our hearts were beating in the same beat and there wasn’t any moment like that.

\- Lexa… - After a while, I took a step back to look in her eyes. – Sorry… I didn’t want to cry… I don’t even know why I am crying.

\- Don’t be sorry… You don’t owe me any explications… - Lexa said.

\- Why? – We were looking each other, the blue dared the green.

\- You have to ask that after what I told you today… - She dried my tears that were on my cheeks. – Or, do you need me to tell you now in person?

\- I believe that would be more convincing… - Lexa smiled. – I mean… I you were serious…- I looked away from her eyes…

She took my chin and moved it to face her. – I was completely serious… - She gently moved her hand over my hair. – I like you.

Without even thinking, I said it back…. – I like you too. – Lexa smiled and I smiled too, looking in hers eyes and then we kissed. That kiss was so far away from the wat we usually did. It was gentle, promising and beautiful. I moved my hands over her shoulders and around her neck, guiding her closer to me.

\- I like you. – She said it again.

\- Me to… - I answered as I was just a whisper from her lips.

She then looked me in the eyes and the she said something that hurt me deeply. – Please tell me that you weren’t with Bellamy just now…?

I stepped away, offended with hers words… How she could say to me that she liked me and kiss me like that, and then say something like that… What did she think of me…? Apparently not much… - Go away… -I whispered loud enough for her to hear me.

\- Clarke…

\- Go away! – I yelled with all my strength and the tears were back in full force. Now, at least I knew why I was crying… Or, at least I thought that I knew… In that moment I thought that she just offended me and maybe she thought that would have sex just like that with anyone… Like I could be with Bellamy and then I could be here with her… I couldn’t believe that she thought that way about me. I didn’t usually care what people think about me, but not her… Lexa should not believe that I am that kind of person.

Lexa came near me and tried to hug me again. – Sorry Clarke… I shouldn’t ask you that…

When I saw that she was close, I took a step back… - Please, go…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

When I heard that word again I felt like someone poured ice water on me and I couldn’t let that this evening come to an end like this… I knew that I ruined everything… I never should have asked her that… I have to fix this and if I listen to her and go away, it’ll just tear us apart.

\- No… I won’t go away… - I said, standing my ground. – Clarke, listen…

Clarke turned her back to me. – I told you to go away…

\- …and, I told you that, I won’t… I went to stand in front of her. – I won’t go away, so you better talk with me.

\- Then, I’ll go…- Clarke said and then she went to her bedroom and closed the door. But, after few moments the door opened again and she came back carrying a pillow. – There is a couch if you insist to stay…

\- I slept in the worst places… Believe me…

\- Fine… - Clarke went to her bedroom again and closed the door.

I sigh deeply and sat down on the couch… I knew that if I sleep on that couch, I would feel it tomorrow on the very bad way. Or, at least I could go back to my office and work more… Everything sounded better than the current plan to spend the night staring at Clarke’s ceiling … But, in this moment I needed to be here… So, I threw the pillow on the couch and I dropped down onto it. She will go out from her bedroom; I just have to wait… I own her that much… 

I passed the next two hours looking at the ceiling … The first hour I spent thinking if I should’ve listen to her and go… The second hour, I spent it deciding if I should tear down that door that is keeping me away from her… But, I knew that it wasn’t the doors that were keeping me away… It was her and my babbling… So, I stayed there, looking at the ceiling and thinking about the mistake I made and how her face changed when she heard me say those words.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I tossed and turned in my bed… I couldn’t sleep wondering if Lexa went home or if she’s sleeping on my couch at this moment… I could lie myself and say that I hope that it was the first option, but secretly I hoped it was the second option… I couldn’t stop thinking about her and that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to be angry with her, to be so angry that we finally stop what we started in that storage room. But, that wasn’t fair from me… I had my jealousy moments and she accepted it with ease… Maybe, I would be thinking the same to see come back late at night, with someone else’s car…

I couldn’t take it anymore… I had to see I she’s still there… So, I got up from my bed and I went to the door. I opened it quietly, not wanting to make any noise and I saw her there on my couch, sleeping… Her hair was out from her carefully made braids, a few buttons opened on her shirt and her leather jacket discarded on the coffee table… I wanted to join her there, but I couldn’t… She almost called… and I knew that she’s sorry… But, can I forgive that…?

I opened the door then and I went to the living room in a rush… I got to the couch and I saw her there, asleep… God… How can she look so beautiful even now, laying on that couch and sleeping…? I smiled and I thought again of the reasons why she asked me that… Can it be jealousy? Then I whispered. – It can’t be jealousy… I’m just crazy… -I started walking back to my room when I heard Lexa’s voice.

\- Well… Maybe you’re not so crazy… - Lexa said and I remained frozen in that place, without turning around to see her. What did she mean with that I’m not so crazy…?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- What do you mean by that? – I asked, not turning around and my voice was shaking… and my legs more…

\- I don’t know…It’s that… - She went silent like she didn’t know what to say next… Then, I turned around to see her and that was a mistake because now she was there just sitting on the couch, looking at the floor and thinking… She looked so tiny… I mean, even if she was a little taller than me, with her confidence she always appeared tall and mighty… But, not now, it was like that thing that she asked me made her lose all that. I wanted to run to her and hug her and make her forget about this discussion.

\- What? – I wanted her to continue talking…

\- I don’t know Clarke… She then looked at my eyes. – It was … I don’t know how I could say that, but someone snapped inside me when I saw you in Bellamy’s car… I know that I don’t have any right ask you if you were with him, but I couldn’t help it… He is after all…

\- He is my fiancé… I finish her sentence as I kneeled in front of Lexa.

\- Yeah… That… - She was looking directly in my eyes… - You don’t know how stupid am I feeling now…

\- Why stupid?

\- Because I acted like that… Sorry Clarke, I never wanted to imply that you are a … Never. – She couldn’t even say the word and I knew that she was saying the truth.

\- I know that… But, you did so maybe it crossed your mind…

\- No, never… I like you so much and I’m scared that I lose you… Lose these moments with you; so I said that… Because of that I made you feel like that and I’m so sorry… - Lexa looked at me and it was one of those looks that made me lose my breath… I felt this electricity run down my body and we just stayed in that position, looking at each other. I could see fear in her eyes… Everything was reflected in her beautiful green eyes and we didn’t talk but we were there and that was enough. Ours eyes were telling everything that our lips couldn’t.

\- Clarke… - Lexa put her hands on my face and said. – I would like so much not to feel this fear…

I nodded my head because I knew what was she saying… - I feel that same fear…

Then hers forehead touched mine and Lexa smiled. – Then maybe we can hold hand and not be afraid anymore… - Her smile was contagious and I smiled too. Then, she lied down on the couch and made a place for me… Without even thinking about, I went and lied down beside her, still holding her hand. I was facing her, so I came closer and our breaths mixed and our foreheads touched. – We would be so much more comfortable in my bed…

\- You said that I sleep on the couch, so that’s I’m going to do… 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Clarke laughed and that smile was so beautiful. I loved when she laughed; her eyes were shining with this special glow. We were laying there in silence, just enjoying our presence. I was watching the ceiling and my mind was working in full force. I analyzed the possibilities that were available to me; meanwhile her breath was caressing my neck… There were two options and both of them were difficult to fulfill… But, just one of them was very destructive… 

I felt that Clarke’s breathing got even in the meantime and I just watched her sleeping. I wasn’t trying to be creepy, but she looked so peaceful. She is so gorgeous and even if I haven’t seen her eyes, I knew that I loved that color of blue. I loved how they changed depending from emotion that she was feeling… In that moment I was so sure that I wanted her, now and forever, in my arms. I wanted to go to sleep every night beside her and to wake up looking at her for the rest of my life.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Six months after…


	19. Chapter 19

I entered in my office, seating in my chair… On my desk were so many documents and portfolios o artist for our next show… But, I couldn’t concentrate on that right now… I was in the middle of and meeting when Bellamy’s mother called me to make a date so we can talk with the wedding organizer… We needed to find some place for the wedding... I had a headache and the day of the wedding was getting so close. It was only a month away…

\- Jasper… -I called my assistant, needing something for my headache… - I need some pill or something or my headache and a glass of water…

\- Ok, I’ll go to buy you something…

\- Thank you Jasper… - I leaned back on my chair and I tried to massage my temples, thinking that would maybe calm my headache but that didn’t help… It hurt and I couldn’t stand it… Besides, in my mind were roaming two questions… ‘What am I feeling?’ and ‘Lexa or Bellamy?’ But, how much I wanted an answer, there were no answers… Damn, this headache is going to kill me… After a while, Jasper entered in my office with a pill and a glass of water and I drank it immediately, hoping that’ll make to pain to go away. – Thank you Jasper… I was getting desperate…

He nodded his head and went out, and I remained alone with my thoughts and all the questions… But, now there was one more question in my collection… Am I really going to marry Bellamy?

Few hours later…

\- Hey Clarke, do you need something else…? – Jasper put only his head through the door.

\- No… You can go…

\- Are you sure?

\- Yes… I’ll finish what am I doing here and I’ll go home…

\- Is your headache better? – He asked me.

\- A little… That pill helped me, but the pain is still there…

\- Do you want another?

\- No… I’ll just finish here and I’ll go home to have a little sleep.

\- Ok, see you tomorrow then…

\- See you! – Jasper was gone and I was alone in the office… I knew that because it was so silent and there is only one time when this studio is silent, it was when everyone is gone. I looked around on my desk for a pen to put a finish touches on the document that I was reading, but instead the pen I found that job offer from Paris. They have sent the offer again the week before and it said that they couldn’t find anyone, so the position is still open. Or, it will be to the end of this month… I put the letter with the offer in my bag and I decided to go home… My head was still hurting and my concentration was shattered… I packed my stuff and I went home.

Sometime later, I was in my room preparing dinner… When I got home, I realized that I haven’t eaten anything all day and I immediately started preparing dinner… I had so much work to do this after dinner, so I took my time whit the preparation. But, sometime later, the dinner was done and I have eaten, so there wasn’t anything to stop me from working… I looked at some portfolios and I decided on the other… But, there was one portfolio that especially had attention… It was like a story about this commander that had all this army and a princess that fell from the sky with her people. First, they were enemies, then there was an alliance and at the end there was a love story, but sadly with a sad ending… I loved the story and the last picture of ‘The commander’ looking from the far at her tower. Something in that story spoke to me and I put it on the ‘definitely yes’ pile. Actually, it gave me inspiration to start painting, so I went to the balcony where I had my supply and I started drawing… In my imagination, I could see that Lexa was ‘the commander’ and I was the ‘princess from the sky’. Also, it reminded me at something that happened in this apartment, few months ago… I was on the couch with Lexa, and the situation was pretty heated, but in the middle of it I got a wave of inspiration. So, I interrupted the moment with Lexa and went to my easel to put that idea on the board. I expected from Lexa anger, but she just stood behind me and watched me paint. She stood there until I finished it and after it was done she said it was awesome and dropped a kiss on my shoulder and after we continued the moment from earlier.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I was in my car on the way to meet Clarke at her apartment… After all this time, we continued our story and for the last six months we had our share of problems… But, most of the time it was great. Bellamy was still present in her life and in mine. We went out; he was with her kissing her in front of me… But, I overlooked all of that… That night, six months ago I had two decisions, two paths… I chose one, the one with her in my life without caring for anything else… But now, when I was so sure in my feelings I felt like I can’t continue like this… I knew also that if I run away, I’m a coward… But if I do it…Let her to marry him to save my friendship with Bellamy, I’m a hypocrite. There was a third option and that was to ask her not to marry him, I wouldn’t lose much… No, actually I would lose everything because she could say no and marry Bellamy… That would destroy me… The moments with her were pure magic and I didn’t want to lose that… The semaphore changed and I was at the block from her apartment and I made a decision that I have to tell her the truth… I had this fear in my soul that she would deny my feelings from her, but the fear to lose her it was bigger, stronger… I needed to speak with her.

I drove to her apartment building and to the parking lot, but there was Bellamy’s car next to hers…He was there and I can’t tell her that I love her. Really love her.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

in the meantime, Bellamy came to suprise and we were in my living room...

 I closed my eyes and like I did it for the past six months, I wanted to feel something more… Something that made me review the decision I made. Something to justify the time that we were together… My heart made decision few months ago and I was too scared to admit it. But, now kissing him I knew the truth… There weren’t butterflies in my stomach, the passion and the desire was gone, and maybe I loved him at the beginning and for some a time after Lexa showed up and we started this, but not now. To be honest with me, I didn’t feel in for a long time.

I put my hands on her chest and I pushed a little… I can’t continue doing this… I knew that he noticed my coldness over the months and just decided to overlook it… We didn’t even have intimacy, the past seven months that I was with Lexa too, we were more friends than engaged couple.

\- What’s going on? Clarke, I know that something isn’t good with us and I need you to tell me…

\- Nothing… - Uhh, that word… I repeated that damn word so many times…

\- I know that you’re laying Clarke… - He was near me again. – I know you and I know when something is wrong… We weren’t us for so long time and I wanted to surprise you… So, I came here trying to make a gest so we can go back to time where we before. I know that it was my fault too… I was so busy with my company, traveling…

\- Bellamy… I… - I tried to say something, but I couldn’t…

\- What’s going on Clarke?

\- I don’t know… - I was guilty for everything and I couldn’t continue like this… So, I asked him the question that I’ve been asking myself last few months… - Do you feel the same for me like you felt in the beginning?

\- Clarke… I know that we’re not the same, but it’s not time to ask those questions…

\- No… Bellamy, tell me… Do you still love me? I want you to close your eyes and to answer me honestly…

He did it and then he said. – No matter how much I do that… You know my answer…

\- But, Bellamy, I… I don’t know anything…

\- What you mean whit that…?

\- I mean that I don’t feel anything… - His face went to shock and he just stood there surprised, and I was looking at the floor… In that moment, in my mind came every memory I had of our time together and they shattered at the same time.

\- How is that possible…? – He put his hands on my cheeks and I felt the tears falling down… - We just aren’t us…

\- Bellamy, I didn’t feel anything… I don’t feel anything when you kiss me for some time. – Now, I was full on crying.

\- How can you say that? – On his face was evident anger, fear, worry…

\- I don’t know… Just, I don’t feel anything… You have to believe me, I tried but I couldn’t feel anything…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I was in front of her apartment and from there I could see the window from her living room, but they weren’t near the window and I could see that the light was on. I didn’t know why but since I saw Bellamy’s car beside Clarke’s I had this feeling of restlessness. I looked at my watch and I saw that it was late in the night and they were still there… I couldn’t see anything and that was driving me crazy. I went to my car and I sat there, thinking of calling her, but when I took out my phone, Bellamy’s car activated and few moments later Bellamy entered the car and was gone in the second. I waited a moment and then I went in front of the building to see if I can see her.

She was there and I could see that something is wrong… She was watching through the window, but I was sure that she wasn’t seeing anything, so I called her and she turned away to look at the phone, but she didn’t answer. She denied my call and then I definitely knew that something is very wrong.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- I’m going to leave and let you think about this… - Bellamy’s words were ringing in my mind… - I won’t make you marry me if you don’t love me, but it’s not a decision that we can take just like that… Please think it over, sleep on it and we’ll talk after the race on Sunday. – I just nodded my head and I promised that I would think about it… He said the last words when he was at the door. – Whatever you decide just know that I love you… - He smiled then and then he was gone. I went to the window and I saw him go. His posture when he walked and his face when I told him were clear sign that it was a hard punch… But, I knew that this marriage is not possible… It wouldn’t be fair for him to continue like this… It wasn’t fair to even start this… I didn’t love him like I did on the beginning…

When we first met it was on this party that my friends invited me on… They said that some guy is celebrating his win from the car racing and I laugh it over because the race was tomorrow and he’s celebrating today… He was celebrating without winning the actual race, so I went and after a few hours I knew that he’s not some guy with this huge ego, but just very sure in what he can do… He even made me go to the race, and he really did win… That was how everything started… We became friends that went to the movies, went out to take long walks, we talked about everything… Even, in one of those talks I first heard of Lexa… He was talking about this amazing friendship they had and how much fun they had together before she went to London. He, Lexa and Raven were best friends and I ruined that… But, at that time I didn’t think twice about Lexa and I couldn’t know what I would do with her.

Bellamy and I continued our friendship, but one day we went on some art show and after Bellamy took me home and before I went out from the car, he kissed me. It was special then and I felt butterflies in my stomach that only confirmed what I was feeling that all time. After a few days, we became a couple. Two years later he asked me to marry him... and now I told him that I don’t know what I’m feeling and I just broke his heart.

Suddenly, the phone on my desk went alive, someone was calling me… I cleared my mind from the memories and I went to answer it, but it was Lexa… I couldn’t answer it… I wouldn’t know what to say…So, I decided not to answer and I went to my desk to gather all the portfolios… I couldn’t do anything more and I needed to sleep to have some time to relax, to think, to clear my mind… Then, Lexa was on mind again and I couldn’t compare first kiss with Lexa and the first kiss with Bellamy… They were both special, but I couldn’t deny it anymore… I didn’t felt the same thing with Bellamy that I did with Lexa even then.


	20. Chapter 20

I sigh deeply before I got out the car… I needed courage for that day, actually I need all the courage I have to do what I’m about to do. I was about to tell a person that it was so special in my life, so loving, that I can’t be with him anymore. So, I got out the car and I went behind the tracks where Bellamy had his shop… I knew what I’m going to find there. Anya would overwhelm me with questions why I didn’t answer her calls… Octavia would ask me million questions why I didn’t answer her and she even came to my door and I couldn’t go out from my bed and answer… Yesterday, it was a hard day and I had to decide on so many things and I needed to think, so I couldn’t answer anybody’s calls and I didn’t want to see anyone. But, the person that I was most scared to see was Bellamy… Lexa too… I knew what I’m going to say to Bellamy, but to Lexa no. I wanted to feel her lips on mine and to finally tell her that I love her, but I couldn’t. It won’t be fair.

I couldn’t do it anymore, and I wasn’t about to mess up their friendship more… They were friends for so long and I was between them and I knew that if I ask her, Lexa would come with me and send everything to hell.

Everything depended from that day… I had it all prepared and I couldn’t go back… I made a decision and I had to see it through with my head held high and my heart muted.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I was before the race started and I found Bellamy and Luna work on his car… The rest weren’t there yet and I knew that Monty said that he will pick up Anya and that they will be there before the race starts… Octavia wasn’t there too, but Raven was there and flirting with some girls… That didn’t interest me much, so I went to Bellamy and Luna.

\- Hey Lexa, are you going to just stand there or are you going to help us? – Bellamy asked with a smile on his face. 

\- If I ‘help’ and do something wrong you’re going to kill me and you know that…

\- Finally there is something that we can agree upon… - He laughed. – I would never let you touch my car… Do you remember that time when you borrowed my car to take out that girl…? What’s was her name…?

\- Don’t even remind me…

\- What happened? – Luna asked as she dropped some tool on the table behind them.

\- They went outside of the city and the ‘Romeo’ over there wanted to show her the view by the river and in the middle of the make out they shifted somehow and the car went to the river… She destroyed my car and I scratched my arm trying to pull the car from the water… I have the scar from that night to remember to never let Lexa near my cars again. – Luna then went to Bellamy to check the car and I didn’t know if I was seeing things, but they had this intimate bubble around them and they even shared a moment looking at each other.

I cleared my throat to have their attention again. – But, that wasn’t the only accident that I had with your car… Do you remember the ski trip?

\- Don’t even remind me about that…

\- What happened then? – Luna seemed excited to hear this story too.

\- So much… - Bellamy rolled his eyes… - The story is long, but I can tell you that we came back from that trip broken. I had my clavicle broken and Lexa his left arm…

\- OMG… You guys are crazy… - Luna was in the shock and we were sharing more stories from our childhood… Until there was silence and I couldn’t take it anymore… I called Clarke all day yesterday and she never answered… I didn’t know if she was coming to this race… Bellamy wasn’t saying anything, so I had to ask…

\- Where are the rest? Is Clarke coming?

Bellamy tensed and suddenly he was so serious. – Yeah… I believe so… - He then turned away and started working on the car without saying one more word. I didn’t know what was happening and I was about to ask him what’s going on when I heard her voice behind me.

\- I’m sorry for being late…

Every muscle in my body tensed up and her voice ringed in my mind and I knew that something is wrong… She was different and she sounded different too.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Hi Clarke! – Luna said. She was the only that answered me and Lexa and Bellamy just stood there, both with their back to me. I smiled to Luna as I tried to calm my nerves. I then went to the wall that was clear from any of Bellamy’s tools and leaned on it… I looked down at the cappuccino that I bought before coming here, but now I didn’t have any desire to drink it so I left on the table that was beside me.

\- Are you going to drink that? – Luna asked me.

\- No… When I bought it I wanted it, but now… I don’t anymore…

\- Can I have it? Coffee here is disgusting and I didn’t have any this morning… I’m so tired, because I hadn’t any sleep last night… This design that I’m working on now is so complicated, but it’ll help so much and I have to do it.

I smiled and said. – Of course you can. – I gave her the cappuccino and then I looked over to Bellamy… He was still working on his car completely ignoring me and Lexa… She wasn’t even trying to hide that she was watching me and her eyes were telling me that she needed to talk with me, but that wasn’t the place or the time… I wanted to listen to my heart and go far away from there and talk with her in private, but I couldn’t… The decision I made yesterday didn’t allow me to do that, so I stayed there… But, she was still watching me and her eyes were saying so many things and I didn’t know from where I had this strength to stay there. 

But, then Octavia entered the garage and when she saw me, she immediately came near me. – Clarke… Here you are…

\- Yeah…

\- Just ‘yeah’… I was calling you all day yesterday and I came to your apartment and you didn’t open… I was there for one hour… The doormen told me that you aren’t there, but your car was parked on your spot, so you were there… Why didn’t you answer me?

\- Octavia, take it easy… I wasn’t even there… I came late last night home.

\- How is that possible…? – Octavia asked me, looking me suspiciously…

\- My car broke down and I went with taxi to work…

\- But, now it here?

\- Yeah… - I shrugged my shoulders. – This morning worked.

\- Okay… How about your phone?

\- I forgot it home… Sorry…

\- You have an excuse for everything… - Octavia said.

\- I’m just saying the truth… - Actually, I was lying, but I couldn’t say to her that I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anybody and that I had to think about the most important decision in my life.

\- Okay… I need to talk with you… - She took my hand and dragged me outside… - Come on… I have a big problem.

\- Ok. – I went with her, little worried and on the other side a little relieved because she saved me from that awkward situation.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Sorry for saying this, but your sister is certainly intense…- Luna said to Bellamy and the threw away the cup from cappuccino and then she went to the car to help Bellamy… - Please Bellamy give me that key that is beside you… - Bellamy didn’t answer. – Bellamy, do you hear me?

\- Eh? What? – He said and it was like suddenly he came out from some trance.

\- The French key, please?

\- Ah, yes… Of course…- He gave her the key and then went back to work on the car.

\- Thanks… - Luna looked at me and made a sign, asking me if I knew what’s going on with Bellamy… I just shrugged my shoulders letting her know that I don’t anything and I really didn’t know anything… Something strange was happening and I supposed that was because something happened in Clarke’s apartment and his behavior when she was here told me that it was something very bad. I mean, he didn’t even said hello to her. I wanted to talk with Clarke to ask her what’s going on…

\- Done! I’m finished here… - Luna said. – The car is completely ready for the race.

\- Thank you Luna. – Bellamy said.

She smiled and said. – It was my pleasure, boss. I’m going to look for some more coffee and maybe I can find some that is decent.

\- Okay… - Bellamy said and then dropped down to the floor to seat. – Can you please bring me something refreshing to drink?

\- Sure thing. – Luna then went out as Bellamy sat there on the floor, looking down… He reminded me of the time when I told him and Raven that I’m going to London… We just sat there, drinking beer… We didn’t know what to say, because everything we would say wouldn’t help… I was going away and it the things are not going to be the same.

I shake my head to clear my mind from that sad memory and I sat beside him… I waited a few moments and then he started talking…

\- Why is everything so complicated?

I shrugged my shoulders. – What would we do if everything would be so easy?

\- But, it would be nice to be sometimes easy…

\- Aren’t you the one who loves danger?

\- Yeah… - Bellamy smiled. – I am… - Then, he stayed silent again. – Do you believe that love is forever and that it can’t end just like that…?

\- Real love, yes…- I said and then I looked at his face. – Why are you asking that?

\- I don’t know… I’m just thinking about things…

\- Well, when the marriage is so close, it makes you think… Well, that’s what they say… I wouldn’t know…

\- I didn’t mean it like that…

\- Then? I don’t know why you are talking about love that is ending just before your marriage… - The jealousy was eating on the inside when I thought about Clarke and Bellamy getting married, but he needed a friend now and I wanted to be here for him.

\- It’s… I think… - Bellamy was about to say something, but then he interrupted me.

\- Bellamy, it’s time for the race…

He got up and said. – Yes… I’m going… - Then, he turned around and looked at me. – I’ll tell you later, ok? I have a race to win now…

\- Okay… Good luck! – I said. Luna showed up then and gave Bellamy his drink and he kissed her cheek.Then something happened that confirmed my theory from earlier... Because, she was standing there and touched the place where he kissed her… - Can we go too?

\- Eh? Yes, let’s go… - We went out and to the track.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Do you know something Clarke? – She leaned at the wall. – I was thinking about this thing with Raven…

\- The thing with Raven?

\- Yeah… You know how what I feel for her and now she told me something that made me think… Like, really thi… - Octavia suddenly stopped and was looking somewhere behind me…

\- What? – I asked and then I looked where she was looking… There was Raven doing her usual thing, flirting with girls…

\- That… I can’t believe that I bought that sob story she was telling me and really thought that she wasn’t what I thought she was…

\- What story?

\- The explication she gave me…

\- I still don’t understand…

\- Raven said that she never cheated on me and that every that happened was a set-up of that god awful girl Echo… I almost believed her and I was actually thinking of … No, I can’t do that, when she’s doing that…

\- Maybe she didn’t lie… - I said. 

\- No… Clarke, look at her… She’s doing the same thing that she’s always done… Flirting…

\- Yeah, but what if it’s all show… What if she loves you? I mean, the way she treated you when you got drunk at Bellamy’s party, it was something special… Raven cares about you Octavia.

\- She didn’t love me… She couldn’t…

\- Why’s that?

\- Because when you love someone you don’t lay them… That’s not love. – The words Octavia said touched me deeply and she was right… That was everything I was doing for so long and the only affected was Bellamy… I was so stupid… No matter what I was feeling for Lexa, I never loved Bellamy… Not the way he deserved, at least… If it was, I would never so easy fall in Lexa’s arms… - Clarke… - Octavia said.

\- Eh, what?

\- What’s going on? – She was worried; I could hear it in her voice…

\- I don’t know… Everything… Bellamy and are over… - I finally said…

\- What? – Octavia yelled.

\- The wedding is off…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

The race started and in that moment, Clarke and Octavia showed up… Raven was after them and Octavia looked serious and is so rare for her… But, she wasn’t looking at Raven serious… She was looking at Clarke. They were talking, whispering and it was clear that the topic is serious… I couldn’t hear anything; the sound from the race was overwhelming… The strangest thing was that Clarke is seated so far away from me… She usually looked for every chance to sit as close as possible to me and now she was so far away, and always when our eyes met she would look away… Why is she ignoring me? On the other side, Raven was talking with some blonde girl, clearly making Octavia jealous, but she was too busy talking with Clarke…

\- That’s good… He took the lead… - Luna said looking at Bellamy’s car. I looked at her and it was amazing how she looked at the race, at Bellamy… It was like she was in this trance, like she couldn’t take her eyes from Bellamy… She then said something about slowing down a little in her microphone and Bellamy listened, not losing the lead.

\- Wow!

\- What? – Luna looked at me.

\- He listened what you said and he never does that… Even when his father was part of his team, he never listened…

She just smiled and looked again towards the race. – Maybe he just agrees that was a good move… 

\- Yeah, maybe… - I said and then I looked over to Clarke and she had her eyes on me, but not for long… - How it’s going with Bellamy? – I looked at Luna again.

\- It’s great… I’m doing what I always did and I love it... Especially when we are doing something for his racing and he is… - She wanted to say something and then suddenly she dropped her look. – He is a good boss.

\- Ok. - That only added to my theory, but then Clarke got up and told Octavia that she’s going to the bathroom and if I wanted to talk with her I should go now. This was the moment, they were all occupied with the race and I got up and went after her. She entered in the bathroom then and I leaned on the wall… I waited some time and then got out… She passed right in front of me and I followed her… We walked a little and I saw that the storage room is open and I acted… I took her hand and dragged her inside, closing the door after us.

\- Let go off me… - Clarke said, removing her hand like mine burned her. After that she wasn’t saying anything, just stayed there, watching me.

\- I need to talk with you…

\- I don’t… - She wanted to go out, but I stopped her standing in front of her. – Please let me go Lexa…

\- I can’t do that… We need to talk… - I came closer. I need to feel her body on mine… - What’s going in Clarke…? – She made this sensual sound when my lips touched the skin of her neck. Then, she tried to push me away again and I didn’t let her. Her behavior was strange and I needed to find out what’s going on…


	21. Chapter 21

I was in her arms and that was where I wanted to remain forever. I just wanted to spend my life with her, in her arms, meanwhile existing in those green eyes, and the world outside doesn’t exist… But, it did and no matter how much I wanted to beg her to love me, kisses me and make me hers, I couldn’t… It wasn’t the right moment…

She was standing there, looking me with those inquisitive eyes that made my knees weak and made my heart beat faster… 

\- Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Why are you avoiding me? – Lexa asked.

\- I’m not… - I was lying and that was obvious… - I have to go… The race is going end soon…

\- So what Clarke? –She came even closer. – What’s going to happen when the race is over? – Lexa lips were a just a couple of millimeters apart… - Tell me Clarke…

I couldn’t say anything… I made my decision and nothing is going to change that decision… When the race is over, I’m going to stop this mess that I made and it was for the best. I had to fix the damage, because I couldn’t be any more in the center of this disaster and how much my heart was yelling to me, not to do this… I have to.

\- You’re not going to say anything? –She asked again, looking me directly in the eyes.

\- No! – It was I little loud, but it was firm too. I didn’t know from where I got this strength, but it did me good.

\- No? – Lexa asked and came even closer… I didn’t know how possible that is because we were so close, I could barely breathe.

\- No. – I said firmly.

\- Ok… So, there isn’t a way that I can make you talk to me…? I wanted to say ‘NO’, to yell it actually, but I couldn’t because she put her lips over mine and kissed me. My heart was beating so fast and after a few minutes, I wasn’t anymore in the control of my body.

I put my arms around her neck and she pushed me on the wall behind me… Her arms were so seducing trailing my body beneath my top, meanwhile I dragged her even closer to me. One of her hands went to my leg and she guided my legs around her waist… I moaned when she let go off my lips and went to kiss my neck, moving down towards my breasts as her finger moved the fabric from one of my breast, and touching the nipple beneath. My body arched or her and other moan went out of my throat. I lost every control that I had over my body… My heart was beating so fast that I believed it would go out from my chest and I could only hear our accelerated breathing… That is until some loud noise came from the tracks and yelling… Actually, it was voices of excitement, of happiness, so I stopped and listened what’s going on…

\- Did you see? I knew that he is going to win… He always does… - Some man said that as he walked by the storage room…

\- Yeah… But, he scared me… It was obvious that he was distracted while driving… He was looking at the seat where his fiancé usually sat… Did you see her?

\- Only on the beginning… After she went somewhere and never came back…

\- Maybe that had him distracted? – One of the men asked.

\- I don’t know… But, let’s go… The others are waiting us… 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Few moments later, they were gone and I looked at Clarke’s face… Her lips were a little swollen from the intense kissing and her hair messed up from my fingers, her top was a little higher up and she was leaning on the wall behind her, meanwhile her legs were around my waist… Her breathing became accelerated, just like mine, and from her beautiful, blue eyes were falling tears…

\- Why are you crying? – I asked Clarke. She didn’t answered anything, she was just looking at my eyes and the tears were just falling… - Clarke? You are scaring me… Tell me what’s going on…

\- I can’t… - Clarke whispered.

\- Why? – I hugged her then. – Why can’t you say? What’s stopping you? – Her body was shaking in my arms and we stood there for few moments, until she came down from my waist and pushed me away from her a little.

\- I can’t… I can’t do this anymore… - She accommodated her clothes and hair.– I can’t do this… Not anymore… I can’t be with you anymore. I have to… I have to go. – She passed by me and was about to open the door, but I stopped her.

\- Where do you have to go? – I asked, holding her hand.

\- That’s not your business… Let me go… You’re hurting me…

\- No Clarke… Tell me. – I couldn’t let go, not without any explication and her attitude… In those moments, she was cold and she wasn’t ever cold with me.

\- Lexa… You don’t understand… This can’t continue… I don’t belong here… - Then she pulled her hand from mine and went out. I just stood there, frozen and confused. What did she mean by that, she didn’t belong here…?

I went after her and where the rest was and when I was at the Bellamy’s garage, everyone was there except Clarke and Bellamy…

\- There you are… We were looking for you to go… - Octavia said when she saw me.

\- Where is Bellamy? – I asked.

\- Clarke met him on the way from the bathroom and they are gone… She said that they had something to talk about – Luna said.

\- Ok… - Luna seemed angry for some reason and Anya was just looking at me, reading me like always… She was sending signals with her eyes that I calm down. But, how could I stay calm… She was in my arms few moments ago, kissing her and then she said that, she can’t be with me anymore and now she’s gone. I needed to go out of there and now… I loved her, but she didn’t love me… She wants a life beside him and her words came to mind, but not for her… I was the one that didn’t belong there… I messed everything up and I should just accept her decision…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

It’s cold outside and the silence was screaming at high volume… We didn’t talk since we left the track and I didn’t know what to say except to repeat the things that I said that night… I was nervous and Bellamy noticed that and he just looked me incredulously…

\- We’re almost there… - He said trying to calm me down.

\- Okay… - I said and then looked out of the window.

Then, there was silence again and we stayed like that until Bellamy stopped his Ferrari at the entrance of ‘Polis’, the most famous restaurant in the city.

\- What are we doing here? – I asked.

\- I’m hungry and this is the only place in the city that is calm and where we can eat and talk… - Bellamy said and then he smiled. – Clarke, we can have a nice goodbye… Can’t we?

I nodded my head, because I didn’t know what to say and he got out the car and went around the car and opened the door on my side. When he did, I said. – I’m not dressed well enough to eat here…

\- Me neither love… - He said and then signaled towards his jeans and a t-shirt. Then, he came close and whispered at my ear. – But when you drive in my car, nobody cares… - He smiled then and took my hand to help me and we went inside. The maître came to us and asked us how he can help us.

\- We need a table… - Bellamy said.

\- We are at full capacity… Do you have reservation? – The maître asked.

\- Tell the manager that Bellamy Blake is here… Then, you’ll tell me if we need a reservation… Ok? – Bellamy said with a smile and the maître just looked at us, but never less he went to find his manager and then after few moments, he was back with an older man who had the biggest smile on his face.

\- Bellamy… It’s so good to see you… Is this your fiancé? – The older man said and shook Bellamy’s hand. Bellamy then nodded his head and the man smiled even wider. – She is beautiful. How are your parents?

\- They are good…. They are the moment in Spain.

The older man laughed as we were walking towards the private section of the restaurant. – As expected, they are always traveling. Here we go. You have a private little place to eat and talk at peace. Enjoy!

\- Thank you! – Bellamy hugs the older man and we sat to order. After that the waiter took our order, Bellamy said. – Now we can talk…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Ahh… I hate her! – Octavia said. 

I looked at her, surprised at her sudden outburst. – Ok and I suppose this is about Raven again?

\- Please Lexa; of course it’s Raven…

\- Some day you’ll be sorry about everything that you’re saying about her… One day you’d want to hug her and kiss her, but she’ll be gone…

\- Come on Lexa… Don’t tell me that she told you the story how someone put something in her drink… That’s ridiculous… That’s just an excuse that everybody says…

\- Raven never lied to me… Why would she start now?

\- What do you know…? You were all this time in London…

\- I know everything… I know that Raven loves you because I felt the same and I know that the most important thing is to tell the person that you love the truth and that what she did.

\- Ok… But, if the story is real and she didn’t lied… Why is she still flirting with girls on the tracks…?

\- Maybe, she just wants to have your attention… To make you jealous and how you’re reacting, you clearly are…

\- I’m not. – Octavia said and I just looked at her… - Ok… I am, but I’m scared too Lexa… What if she cheats? What I she leaves?

\- Be courageous and give this a shot Octavia, if not you’ll be sorry later.

\- What if I can’t?

\- Then tell her that and let her go… Move on…

\- That’ll hurt me more…

\- There is it… You know what you have to do and you just have to be brave Octavia.

\- Ok. Thank you Lexa… I forgot how good is to talk with you. – She made a pause then and then she said. – But, you said you felt on your skin what love feels like, how’s that when you are single?

\- I…No… Do you know what? Forget about it… I can’t talk about it now…

\- Ok, but just know that I’m here for you… - I nodded my head. – Ok… So, I’m going to go to think about what you said… -She got up and I couldn’t take it. I had to ask.

\- Octavia, do you love her?

She just stood there in silence, thinking. – Don’t tell her, I’m not ready yet… But, I do, with all my heart.

\- Can you keep a secret for me too? – I asked. - Raven loves you too. – I smiled and she smiled to. Then, few moments later she was gone and I just stood there not knowing what to do… I wanted Clarke… I wanted to tell her everything… But, she chooses Bellamy and I couldn’t do anything… So, I decided to go home, to take a shower and eat something maybe, or, to sleep… Everything sounded so appealing, but what I really needed it was sleeping… I went to the exit and I ran into someone… It was Luna.

\- I thought that I can find you here… - Luna said.

\- I was just leaving… I talked with Octavia, but she’s gone and I’m about to go too… Do you need something?

\- Just a drive and maybe a drink…

\- Ok, let’s go. – I said to her.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- It was delicious… - I pushed the plate a little, smiling satisfied. – I couldn’t eat another bite…

\- Yeah, it really was… I eat much more than I should’ve… - He made a pause and then he said. – So, we’re done now and I need to know what your decision is.

\- Bellamy… You already know… I told you that night that I don’t feel the same and that hasn’t changed. 

\- That I know… But, I want to know why?

\- I don’t know… It just happened… - I didn’t know what to say… I couldn’t say it was because I loved someone else, and especially not a Lexa…

\- You don’t love me anymore…? – Bellamy asked, playing with the ring I returned.

\- Bellamy, you’ll always be in my heart. I have so lovely affection or you, but…

\- But, you don’t love me?

\- I wanted… When I accepted your proposal, I believed that I love you, but now…

\- Now, you don’t? – He finished my sentence.

I sighed deeply… It was so difficult to say this and no matter how much I wanted to find the right words, I couldn’t… All that I had on my mind was Lexa and how she looked at me when I told her that we can’t be together… Now, I could say to Bellamy that I had fallen in love with his best friend, but that’ll make an irreparable mistake and I couldn’t do that to Lexa and Bellamy.

\- Is there someone else?Do you love someone else? – That question brought me out from my thoughts…

\- Yes… I don’t know… - It was a half a lie, half a truth…

\- How’s that? – Bellamy asked me.

\- I don’t know… There may be someone, but it’s not a reason why I’m here now, doing this… 

\- So… What’s going to happen after?

\- You are such a good person and you really deserve to find someone who loves you and when you find her, you should give her that… - I showed at the ring on the table.

\- No… That’s yours…

\- I don’t deserve it…

\- I bought it for you love and it’s yours… It’s that simple…

I didn’t want to offend her by not taking the ring so I took it and I put it back on a different finger. – Thanks. – I whispered. – I’ll take care of it.

\- I know. – He said and then he called the waiter to pay our bill. – We left your car at the tracks and I know that you now don’t have car…

\- Don’t you worry about that, I can take a taxi… - I said. – Beside, where I’m going I don’t need a car…

\- No… Take my car and I’ll go in a taxi… - He made a pause then. – Wait, how’s that you don’t need your car… Where are you going?

\- Far away Bellamy… I’m going to make a new life for myself.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

We were in my car, enjoying the ride just like Luna wanted and she was talking about cars and maybe it was interesting to her, but my mind was on something else. I just saw the road in front of me and Clarke was on my mind, like always. She chose to marry Bellamy and I was clearly a distraction… I was about to admit to her that I love her… I was about to empty my soul and she didn’t care… She choose Bellamy and I’m alone… How am I going to survive that?

\- Lexa… Are you okay? – Luna asked me.

\- Eh? – I said, she caught me not paying much attention on what she was saying.

\- I asked, are you okay?

\- Yeah… I am…- The truth I wasn’t, but for some reason I couldn’t say anything to Luna… Even if it was the end of this little story that I had with Clarke, I couldn’t say it to Luna… 

\- You don’t look like that…

\- Luna… - I said it like a request, asking her not to continue…

But, she didn’t give up… - Luna, nothing… You’re so silent and you’re not even listing what I’m saying…

\- I’m sorry… I’m not really in the mood for anything… I have some problems…

\- Is it something that I can help you with?

\- I don’t know…- I sigh deeply and continue looking at the road.

\- Is it something complicated? 

\- Yes…

\- Is it about… - She made a pause and closed her eyes, like debating if she should say. – Clarke…?

\- I stopped the car at the semaphore. – What?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Clarke is everything ok? – Bellamy asked when we said goodbyes at the door of my apartment.

\- I am… -But, I wasn’t and I think I’m not going to be for a long time.

\- Something is wrong with you… I noticed earlier, but you always said that you are tired…

\- I’m fine Bellamy… Just a little sad about our situation and the fact that I’m leaving…

\- You still didn’t tell me where you are going…

\- But, I told you that I can’t… So, please don’t ask…

\- Can I at least know when are you going away?

\- Tomorrow…

Bellamy looked at me surprised. – Tomorrow?

\- Yeah, tomorrow at 4pm…

\- Do you need help to pack up?

\- No… I’m going to rest a little and then I’m pack up the rest of my things… I don’t much left and movers are coming at 11am tomorrow…

\- Ok, so I’ll be here in the morning to help you.

\- Bellamy…

\- Bellamy, nothing… - He smiled and then he turned around to leave…- I’m going to see you tomorrow morning Clarke…- We were at the door and he kissed my cheek. – Tomorrow at 8am Clarke… Bye.

\- Bye. – I smiled and closed the door behind him. He was an incredible human being and deserved better that I could give, because here he was, an hour after I broke up with him, he’s promising me to help me pack… I went to my bed and I lie down, I needed rest… But, I missed her and I tried to feel if it remained something of Lexa’s smell between my pillows.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- What do you mean that I’m like this because of Clarke…?

Luna shrugged her shoulders, settling back in her chair and looking now at the road. – If I tell you, can you promise to not get angry?

\- Just tell me…

\- I felt, like some sixth sense, that time in the bar when I talked with her that there is something… But I didn’t know what… Then, like two months ago we were all at that club and you two disappeared somewhere… Then, few weeks ago, I called you and I could hear Clarke in the back, so…

\- …So you know…? You know what’s going on with Clarke and me?

\- Well… It was just a theory until today… She came to the garage and I saw your and Bellamy’s reaction… He was busy working and you were watching her all the time… It was like you were asking her to talk with you… So, I felt that something is wrong and when you went after her, I followed you and I saw when you pulled her in that storage room…

\- Omg… You saw that?

\- Yeah… I just don’t know why you are like this now…

\- It’s not important…

\- Yes, it is… 

\- Luna… It’s not… - I started to drive after the light went to green…

\- Lexa… Don’t drive so fast… You’re not Bellamy…

\- Well, of course I’m not Bellamy, some problem with that? – I started yelling and she was watching me surprised.

\- Lexa… I didn’t mean it like that… You don’t have to be Bellamy… You’re you and stop acting like a crazy person and tell me what happened with Clarke… Why are you like this?

\- That’s not your problem… 

\- It’s not my problem?! A month ago I dropped a gallon of oil on my lap so Bellamy doesn’t notice the hickey that you had on your neck… Do you still think that’s not my problem?

\- What? You did that so Bellamy doesn’t notice something that you weren’t even sure that’s happening…

\- Yes Lexa I did that so Bellamy doesn’t notice that you and Clarke are cheating, even if I didn’t know for sure…

\- Why?

\- It’s not important…

\- Yes, it is Luna… Tell me please.

\- Because, we are not so different Lexa… We both love someone who loves someone else… They are going to get married, but I want him to be happy and not miserable and hurt… Even if the person he loves, doesn’t love him…

\- Clarke love’s him…

\- No Lexa… She loves you…

\- You are crazy… She doesn’t love me… - I looked at the road again…

\- I’m not Lexa… Clarke loves you…

I didn’t say anything, just kept driving and Luna kept talking how Clarke loved me and that Clarke wouldn’t cheat on Bellamy if she didn’t loved me… But, I couldn’t believe that because she chose him… - She made her decision Luna and the rest I can do is to move from the way…

­- Go see her and talk with her… Tell her that you love her…

\- I can’t do that Luna… I can’t…

\- If I had inkling that Bellamy loves me, I would go and beg him not to marry Clarke… But I don’t….

\- I don’t have that Luna… I don’t know that…

\- You love her…

\- But, she doesn’t love me…- After that we stayed in silence, both buried deep in a thought about our love life. – We are here… - I parked the car in front of Luna’s building.

\- Thank you for the drive Lexa… - Luna went out and then before she closed the door of the car, she said. – Clarke loves you Lexa… - Then, she was gone and I stayed there few moments and then I started my car and went home.


	22. Chapter 22

I looked around my apartment and there were boxes everywhere... All my stuff packed for move and it was 10:45am, so the movers will be here soon and they’ll take all my stuff away to a new life. My plane takes off in a few of hours… I needed this, a change from this life where I can start something new… Then, I thought about the situation with Lexa and despite everything that happened I don’t think that it was a mistake… It was a beautiful dream that I never thought it was going to happen… But, I needed to wake up and face the reality, because Lexa was the best friend of my ex fiancé… They had a special bond, a special history, thousands of memories and I didn’t fit in their life… I wanted for Lexa better life and a girl that is better than me, one that can make her happy and if it hurt to think, but maybe Luna is the one.

\- I’m finished with the books, now I’ll go for the boxes in your bedroom… - Bellamy said as he entered the apartment. – Did you pack all of your art?

\- Yes… They are in the boxes that are in the kitchen… - I said and smiled. Bellamy was there just like he promised.

\- Okay… - He smiled too.

\- You don’t have to take the heavy boxes Bellamy… That is why I hired movers…

\- Ok, but I want to take the special things downstairs because I don’t exactly trust that movers will be careful… Not since they lost my skateboard once when I was a kid… - He laughed. – Actually, it wasn’t mine, but Lexa’s and she was so mad… She was mad like a week and that was the longest time we didn’t speak, until she went to London… Then, when I gave her a new one, she wasn’t angry anymore… - He was still smiling.

When Bellamy mentioned Lexa it took me by surprise and shook me a little and all my senses activated like it was some alarm around us. But, I tried to continue the conversation normally…

\- I lost once when I moved my favorite book and a Barbie… I was nine then… - I laughed a little.

\- See… They don’t care and you can’t trust them…

\- Ha-ha, I know, but my father did and he convinced me that I put them with the rest of the stuff and when it was lost, he tried everything to find it… But, it was gone…

\- Yeah… So, lection learned?

\- Yes it is, I don’t trust the movers too…

\- Okay. – He smiled and went for the boxes in my kitchen.

\- Thanks. – I said and he just winked and smiled.

I was alone again and the silence was everywhere, so my mind went to Lexa again… I wanted to call her to tell her where I’m going, tell her that I love her even if she doesn’t love me… I breathed in deeply and decided against it…I’ll to do something better, maybe take some of the easier boxes down… So I took a small box and went to the door, but when I opened it, there was Lexa… She looked gorgeous with her loose hair, black and tight jeans, and a white shirt… Her perfume invaded my senses and had to sigh deeply, meanwhile my legs shook…

\- Lexa… What are you doing…?

\- I need to talk with you Clarke… - Lexa interrupted me and her face looked serious and tense…

Bellamy exited my bedroom then carrying a box… - Clarke... This box doesn’t have a name… - He stopped talking when he saw Lexa and put the box down on the floor… He watched Lexa confused, and Lexa was looking at him… Well, I don’t know, with something that I couldn’t identify… - Lexa… What are you doing here?

Lexa looked around the room and saw all of the boxes and then she said. – I’m here to help, but I can see you have all packed up…

\- So, you know about the move?

\- Yeah… Clarke told my yesterday… - Lexa then looked at me and I could see resentment in her eyes… - But, how you are done, I’ll leave…

\- You can help us with the boxes… - Bellamy saw before Lexa could leave…

\- Okay… - She looked directly in my eyes and now I could see pain in her eyes instead of resentment… I couldn’t do anything; Lexa was here I could only pray that she doesn’t find out about my plans… But, I wondered what does she thinks about this entire situation.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Clarke and Bellamy were at the apartment together packing all of Clarke’s stuff in boxes for moving and I was so stupid to think that I should listen to Luna and go to talk with Clarke and tell her that I love her. But, I didn’t expect this… They were living separated for all this time, why were they now moving…? I felt like an idiot by going there and a complete idiot for helping them with the boxes… But, there I was… Carrying boxes at the truck that was going at Bellamy’s apartment and I have lost everything.

I left the last box on the truck and I thought it was strange that it was one of those moving trucks that some airlines hire, but I didn’t think much of that… I just suppose that maybe Bellamy has a deal with them.

\- Despite everything, I always wanted you to be happy Clarke and I wish you the same now. – I said to Clarke using a moment, meanwhile Bellamy talked with the movers… Maybe, he was giving them instruction how to get to his apartment…

\- Thanks. – Clarke said with this serious voice, meanwhile our eyes were challenging each other.

\-   You did what you wanted, right?

\- Much more actually… - She didn’t show any emotion and I knew that it was just a mask…

\- Perfect… Then, I don’t have a reason to stay here any longer… - I walked around her and to my car, I needed to go… I couldn’t stand anymore that atmosphere… What am I? Just a fool in love… I love her and she was going to live with him… Even if I tried, I couldn’t be happy for her, but I did wanted for her to have happened because I loved her, really loved her. I just didn’t what excuse giving when they invite me to the wedding… Was there any excuse possible for me to tell Bellamy that I’m not going to be at his wedding, or that I’m not going to be his best men or best women in this case…?

\- Lexa… - Clarke called my name after I made a few steps and I turned around to see her… She had a tear falling down her cheek, so I went to her and I trapped the tear with my finger the tear…

\- I don’t want excuses Clarke… Actually, you don’t have to say anything… You made your decision and I just hope, for your benefit, that you made the best one. – Then, more tears followed the first tear and I felt like my heart is going to explode from the sadness, so I pulled towards me and I hug her… I felt that my shirt was getting wet from Clarke’s tears and I hugged her tighter against my chest until I felt that she was calm… Then I took her chin and I raised it up… Her beautiful blue eyes were red, but her lips were so inviting and I had once more to kiss her, for the last time. I looked behind me and Bellamy was still talking with the movers and I moved us a little more behind the truck and I kissed her there. Her lips were against mine and her body was so close that I felt her how she was shaking… I tried to show in that kiss that I love her for the last time… But, soon it was over and we separated our lips and she looked me directly in my eyes, looking at me with this silent plea… I saw that her eyes were filling up with tears again and my heart shattered. Our eyes were saying everything that we couldn’t…

\- Is this our goodbye? – I asked Clarke?

\- Lexa… - The tears were back again. – I…

I didn’t know what else to say… - Be happy Clarke… - Then I step away from her and I went where Bellamy was standing and talking with the movers, I said bye to him and shook the hand of the man that was in charge of the movers… Few moments later, Clarke came too with sunglasses covering her eyes.

\- Why the sunglasses love? – Bellamy asked Clarke.

\- I have something irritating them, maybe the dust…

\- Ok… - He smiled.

\- I’m going to leave… - I looked at her. – Good luck Clarke…- Then, I turned around and went to my car to drive far away from there…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I went to my bedroom meanwhile Bellamy still talked with the movers to insure that they be careful in moving my stuff. I sat down on the floor, beside my suitcases and leaning my forehead on my knees… I had to be alone for a moment, far from Bellamy… I thought about Lexa’s eyes and how she looked at me, on her hands and how they touched me, on her lips and her kisses… That only made that the emptiness that I felt after we said goodbyes, to became bigger and all that I wanted is to go and find Lexa, to tell her that she’s wrong… I’m not marrying Bellamy, because I knew that was what she thought… To tell her that I’m in love with her, but in that moment Bellamy knocked on my door, looking at me with worry noticeable in his eyes.

\- Clarke…? Are you okay? – He asked.

I got up from the floor. – Yes… Can you wait a minute…? I just want to change my clothes…

\- Okay… I went to that coffee place that you like and I bought some things so you can eat something…

\- Ok, I’ll be right there… - I changed out of the sweets that I was wearing during the move for one of my jeans and a red flannel shirt. I left my sneakers on because they’ll be the most comfortable on the flight.

\- Can I ask you something? – Bellamy asked from the kitchen.

\- Yeah…

\- Why did you tell Lexa about moving yesterday, when we still didn’t break up…? – That question stopped me in the spot, because that was a question that I didn’t have a good answer… I sighed deeply…

\- Clarke…? Did you hear me?

\- Eh… Yes…

\- So, are you going to answer?

\- I only told her that I have to travel… For work, but I didn’t tell her that we broke up.

\- Ah, ok… Speaking of that, we have to send message to our guests that the wedding is canceled… It’s better to do it earlier than later. So, I’ll tell my assistant to send something to everyone apologizing…

\- Yeah... – I got out the room with my sunglasses still on.

\- You’re still wearing your sunglasses? – Bellamy asked.

\- Yeah… My eyes are so irritable…

\- Ok… - Then we stayed there talking and eating… He told me about everything what he wants to do with his company and with racing and I stood there listening. My mind was on some other things… On the green eyes that reminded me on the forest in the late spring. I wondered also, how Lexa is going to react when she sees those messages that the wedding is canceled. Would she look for me? Or, maybe she would hate me or making this decision…

\- I think that it’s time to call a taxi…

\- Is it time or that? – He looked at the watch on his wrist and then he took out is phone… - I’ll call… You go and look that everything is packed and that you didn’t forgot anything… I walked around the apartment to look everything over and then he asked me… - Are you sure that you want to do this Clarke?

\- Yes I am Bellamy… This is going to be so good for my career… So, yes I’m going…

\- Just tell me something… Is it outside of SAD?

\- Yeah, it’s in Europe…. – Then, my phone ringed announcing that the taxi is here and we took mine suitcases out and put them in the taxi… We hugged and Bellamy wished me the best wherever I’m going and I sat in the car, and some moments later I was gone.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Someone was ringing my doorbell merciless and I was lying on the couch, refusing to go and opened the door… I didn’t need anybody and nothing mattered in that moment except that she’s gone from my life. But, now that person that was at my door added the knocking to the equation and it was unsupportable… So, I went to the door to answer and maybe kill that person that won’t let me be alone. But, when I opened the door, Bellamy was there…

\- Can you tell me why are you not answering my calls, or this door…? I was banging here for a half an hour… - He passed by me and went to the living room, sitting on one of the couches… - Why are you here alone Lexa? You at least have a reason to be happy… You weren’t just dumped… Actually, it was yesterday… But, now she’s gone and the wedding is…

\- What did you say? – I interrupted Bellamy’s sentence because I thought that I heard him say that someone dumped him and that she’s gone… That can’t be right… Am I going crazy…?

\- I said that Clarke dumped me and is now probably on the plane who knows where and the wedding are canceled. – Bellamy said that very clearly, but I still couldn’t believe it…

\- But… Yesterday… Everything seemed… - I sat down… My legs weakened… - So normal…

\- We decided after the race…

\- So, the moving?

\- Didn’t Clarke tell you it was because she had to travel for work?

I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn’t even noticed the question Bellamy asked me… I wanted answers, to yell… To ask her what was she thinking… Inside of me was a battle, but I tried to look normal as possible because Bellamy was there, sitting in front of me and I knew that I can’t lose it now… I heard him repeating my name…

\- Lexa? Lexa?

\- Eh?  - I looked at him.

\- I asked you something…

\- Yeah… She mentioned something… But, I was thinking how normal you were two yesterday…

Bellamy shrugged his shoulder then and said. – We wanted it to be civilized… - That was reasonable, but I needed something more… A clear answer of what happened… Why is she gone?

\- Do you know where she went?

\- No… She didn’t want to say anything… Well, except that is in Europe…

I couldn’t show my frustration in front of Bellamy and I had to keep my control in check and not to react… But, I had to ask… - Nothing more?

\- Why do you have so much interest in this?

\- I just want to know… No special reason behind this… - That was a lie, because there was so special reason behind it and I need to know something… Actually, I needed to find her. – So, she didn’t say anything more? – I tried again, but then he jumped up and asked me.

\- God damnit Lexa… Why do you want so much...? Tell me…

\- I don’t know… We became sort of friends and I appreciate her…

\- It looks like it’s something more…

\- Bellamy… Please take it easy… - That was the perfect moment to tell him everything… About everything that happened between Clarke and I… That I loved her… But, how could I? He’s broken now and that would just add to the punch…

\- Okay… I won’t ask anymore… I just came here to tell you that the wedding is off… - He went to the door. – I have to tell Raven and Octavia now… But, they are not answering… Do you know something…? I don’t want to go there and to something that I can’t erase from my memory…

\- Those two?

\- Everything is possible… - We both laughed.

\- Yeah, it’s possible… - We said our goodbyes and he was gone. I stayed there in the dark of my apartment what’s the hell is happening… Why would Clarke go just like that…? Then I thought about Anya… She was her best friend and she had to know something… So, I took my cell and called her.

\- Hello, Lexa? – She sounded happy…

\- Anya… What you know about Clarke?

\- What do you mean, what I know about Clarke?  Is she ok? – Her voice changed when she heard my question.

\- I don’t know… Bellamy was here just now and he says that they broke up and the wedding is off, and that she’s gone…

\- I don’t know either Lexa… We talked a little at Bellamy’s party and  nothing after that…

\- Anya, she’s gone…

\- I don’t understand… Where?

\- I don’t know… Bellamy said that is somewhere in Europe…

\- Did you call her?

\- I tried… The answering machine picks up… Can you call her?

\- I will Lexa… I promise to tell if I find something… Calm down and I’ll call you later…

\- Ok… Thank you Anya… - But, I couldn’t just sat there and not do anything… I had to find her, so I went to take a shower, get dressed and go back to her apartment… Maybe, she left something there…

I stopped my car at the semaphore and the frustration was eating me out from the inside... I was at the Clarke’s gallery and there they said that they didn’t know anything, except maybe their boss Camilla, but she was out from the country… Clarke assistant was very suspicious asking me, who am I? Why do I need to know where Clarke is? He didn’t stop until I left, not finding anything… I knew that he knew something, but I also knew that he’s not going to tell me anything… I went to the airport to find some information where could she possible go, but they couldn’t tell me anything… They said something about some law and how it was forbidden… Then, I called Anya again to ask her if she knew something… She said that she called Clarke’s mother, but she didn’t know anything and she planned to call some Clarke’s friends, but they probably didn’t know anything… Clarke didn’t tell anything to Anya, so it’s not possible that she did to the rest of their friends...

Why is she hiding? Why did she do this? This situation is impossible and I wanted to yell, to yell so loudly so she can hear me… But that was impossible…. I decided then to go to her apartment, maybe they have some information there…The semaphore changed and I stepped on the gas so I can get there faster.

When I was there I parked my car and went to the entrance of the building, looking for a doorman…

\- Do you need something Miss…?

\- Yes… I’m looking for a girl that lived here, in this building, Clarke Griffin.

\- She left earlier today… She didn’t tell me anything, except if…

\- What?

\- Are you Lexa Woods?

\- Yes!

\- Can you confirm it somehow…?

\- It’s me… - I shook my head, but then I took out my wallet to show to her my ID… - Don’t you not remember me? I was here million times…

\- Yes, but I need to check first… She was crying when she gave me these instructions…

\- What are they?

\- She let me to let you in her apartment…- He gave me then hers keys and I thanked him and then I went upstairs… When the door of elevator opened, I was hit with this wave of memories… Memories from when we were together… When we kissed, made love… When we promised each other future with our bodies, even we couldn’t say it… One of these memories was when she asked me to hold her forever in my arms and I did, during all that night…

But, why did she do this then? Why did she leave, not even asking me to go with her? I wondered as I watched around an empty apartment… So, many moments that I couldn’t forget and now it was all gone… I walked around the apartment, the place where she usually sat and painted… I just watched her… I could do that for hours… The kitchen where I made her breakfast so many times… Usually she could wait in bed and would come to the kitchen, surrounding me with her arms, kissing my neck and then the things always escalated. Her bedroom that still smelled like her and I thought about all this mornings when I woke up with her in my arms…  I went back to the living room and there on the floor, near the wall was some piece of paper and a key… I almost recognized the key; it was the key that I gave her that day that when I was so close to tell her that I love her.

The letter was just there and it maybe had all the answers, so I took it and I started to read…

_ Lexa: _

_ I know when you read this you’re going to hate me… I know… You probably already do…I don’t know what to say, how to express what I wanted to say… I don’t know what to say except, I’m sorry. Forgive me for being so unstable, for being so stupid, for risking your friendship with Bellamy… I shouldn’t have done that… I’m sorry about everything and I’m not saying that what happened with us was a mistake, because it wasn’t… I don’t regret anything that happened between us… I don’t regret loving you like I did all this time… _

Wow! Just a moment… She loves me? I read that sentence a hundred times to see if I’m crazy, or if I’m confused… But I wasn’t… She wrote ‘loving you’ and the tears filled my eyes… I continued reading…

_ Yeah, you’re reading it right… I love you, and you better believe it because I’m completely serious… But, despite that we can’t be together... It’s forbidden for me to love someone that is so good like you are Lexa. I couldn’t do to you what I did to Bellamy and I don’t want to stop a friendship that exists between you and Bellamy… _

_ Lexa… It was beautiful and I don’t regret it, but we have to continue without lives… You should find someone who loves as much I love you or even more… I’ll live always with your memory that maybe it’ll be the only thing that makes me feel alive… _

_ I love you Lexa! _

_ Clarke. _

I then fell down to the floor and I didn’t believe that I would be able to get up from there… This was her goodbye? It wasn’t enough…


	23. Chapter 23

\- Clarke… - Elias, my new assistant said as he entered my office.

\- Yes? – I lifted my head from looking over proposal for the show that I’m currently organizing…

\- I’ve heard from Francesca and she’ll be here tomorrow, with her portfolio now. I assured that with her assistant.

\- Thank you Elias, something more?

\- Nothing for now… Do you need something?

\- Yes… I’m starving… Can you go and please buy me something… - I gave her my card. – Take something for yourself and then we can have lunch together…

\- Ok, but you should relax Clarke… Come on with me to lunch? We can walk a little then we can have lunch at that new place. You’ve been here for three months now and you’re the first to come in and the last to go… 

\- Yes… I just like to work…

\- Oh, come on Clarke… Nobody likes work so much… Something is bothering you… Sorry for saying this, but you seem sad. Come on, let’s go to lunch and maybe we can talk…

I relented and said. – Ok. Let’s go.

After a few moments we were out of the company and were walking towards the restaurant…Elias was quiet, it was like he waited for me to start talking.

\- It’s not that I’m sad… Or, maybe I am… I had a complicated relationship back home and this job is serving me to forget about that… 

\- That’s not healthy Clarke… You should move on from that relationship and go and meet someone better that really loves you. 

\- Oh, no… I’m not ready for that… I’m still in love with her and someone new now is just not going to work for me…

\- Ok, but just working is not good… Then, we are going to do something together… We’re going out tonight to have a girl’s night out… We can talk, drink and go dancing.– He smiled and I smiled too. Maybe that wouldn’t be so wrong to make new friendships… This supposed a new start for me and Elias seemed like good company. I mean, Lexa certainly did… I remembered then the time I called her and some women’s voice answered Lexa’s phone… First I thought it was Octavia, but then Lexa asked who’s on the phone and in that question she said the women’s name. It was Luna. She really didn’t love me. Luna and Lexa are together and if she can move on, so can I. 

\- Okay. – I accepted and then we entered in the restaurant to have lunch.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Lexa in her office, working… That was the only thing that she’s done… Just work and I was with her here all day working and seeing how much is she suffering. For the last three months she was first at the office and the last to leave, without going out for lunch, just seating there on that computer, working.

I was standing by the door watching her, caring a sandwich for her to eat something… I wanted to say something to her… To give her some proof that Clarke will be back, but that was impossible… She never called and I didn’t know where she is… Then, I went into the office, putting the plate on the desk…

Without even looking at me, Lexa said. – I’m not hungry Anya…

I closed her laptop and watched her threating… - I knew that you are never hungry… But, you need to eat something Lexa… So, I don’t care what you are saying, you’re going to eat that or I’m going to force feed you. 

\- Anya… I’m okay… - She lifted her eyes to face me and the tiredness was evident in her eyes.

\- No, you’re not Lexa… Look at you, those bags under her your eyes tell me a different story and you’re so pale that a full glass of milk… So, please eat this… Please do it for me… - She looked at me again and then she sighed, but then she started to eat.

\- Ok? Look I’m eating… - Lexa said after she took a bite.

I crossed my arms and sat on the chair in the front of her desk. – I see… But, I’m not going anywhere until you eat everything… - Lexa rolled her eyes, but she continued to eat.

\- I know that you worry Anya, but I can’t be calm until I find her…It’s driving me crazy…

\- Lexa, you have to something more than just this… - I showed to her computer. - Because then you’ll drive us all crazy… - Lexa smiled, and it was the first smile that I saw from her since this entire situation started. – There… There is that smile that I like to see. – I smiled too.

\- I know… But I would be smiling a lot more if Clarke would be here… I miss her so much; I’m remembering every moment I had with her…

\- I know Lexa… I miss her too… Not like you, but I do miss her… This was the first time since we know each other that I didn’t hear from her for so long.

\- Yeah… I still don’t understand why she didn’t call you.

\- Lexa, she didn’t call because I knew that I would be here in a second telling you everything…- I would really do that and Clarke knows that… Since she told me about this relationship, I was on their side. Even now, seeing what Clarke did to Lexa by leaving, I can’t leave her suffering alone. I tried everything, from trying to animate her, asking her out for dinner, dancing or simple going out to movies… But, Lexa denied all that, saying that she’s not in the mood for that and stayed working and enfolded with all the memories of her and Clarke. So many good things happened around her and it seemed that Lexa didn’t care about anything… I mean, she was happy that Octavia and Raven got together again and that Bellamy continued winning races. But, what was she doing… Wallowing in solitude… Clarke knew that I would be beside Lexa and that if she called, I would tell Lexa where to find her. – If you need me Lexa, just call me. – I took the plate when Lexa finished eating and went back to my desk.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Anya went out of my office and I sat there thinking… I knew that Anya is worried and I knew that everyone was worried or confused with my behavior, but I’m feeling stuck in time. She was gone and I couldn’t stop wondering how to find her…I shook my head because if I continue thinking about this, my heart will break in even smaller pieces and I needed something to remain for when I find her.

After working all day and long after all the employees went home, I decided to go home too, to that empty apartment that every room reminded me of her. I drive home in silence not listening to any music and when I was there, the images of her rushed back to my mind… I laid down on the couch, trying not to think about anything, but that was impossible… Just about when I wanted to get up to have a drink, my phone rang…

\- Who the hell calls me this late...? – I asked myself as I went to the phone and answered. – Hello? – I waited for the one who called to say something, but no one said anything… It was just an accelerated breathing... So, a thought came to my mind… - Clarke? Is that you? Please, talk with me… - Her breathing accelerated even more… - Please Clarke… I know it’s you… - She didn’t say anything still, but something was telling me it’s her. – Dammit Clarke… Talk with me!

\- Lexa… - She whispered my name, but it was her voice.

\- Clarke… Oh, god… Clarke, it’s you… - I said overwhelmed… I was waiting for this call for the last three months… Maybe it was stupid, but I never lost hope that she would call.

\- Yes… It’s me… - She was nervous and I could tell from her voice.

\- Tell me where you are Clarke… Please… Tell me… - I begged her to tell me and that didn’t bother me… I needed to know where she is.

\- I’m…- She made a pause. – I’m far away Lexa…

\- Where Clarke?

\- Don’t ask me that… I won’t tell you…

\- Why did you call then?

\- You’re right… I shouldn’t have… - Then she was gone and I stood there, holding the phone in my hand. I couldn’t move… What just happened?She regretted calling me and then she hung up… I put the phone back on its place… Maybe she will call again? I waited for a call, but after a time I knew that she wouldn’t call again. Damnit… She called and I didn’t get to say to her how much I miss her…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I didn’t know why I hung up… Maybe it was fear… Maybe it was terror that Lexa is going to tell me that she’s there with someone… What if Luna is there? What if this call hurts his friendship with Bellamy and at the same time hurts his relationship with Luna? I sighed deeply… I shouldn’t have called her… But, I couldn’t help it… I was back from going out with Elias and I just missed her so much… I had to call to just hear her voice… She sounded helpless asking me where I am… I then wondered if it was a good thing that I just disappeared like that… But, then I remembered that night that I called and Luna answered… Maybe she is just worried because she doesn’t know where I am… I didn’t call anyone… I didn’t even tell Anya where I am… Anya… I missed her too. I need so much her wise advices… But, I couldn’t call her… I looked at the phone again, thinking if I should call Lexa again… All the memories of our time together rushed back to my mind and even I was always trying to keep them away, I couldn’t right now. I wanted to call her again and I did. But, now the line it was busy… She was talking with someone… I tried again and it was the same…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- Are you sure that it was Clarke?- Luna asked me after waiting for some time to see if Clarke would call again.

\- Yes… It was her… 

\- Why did you called me? Maybe she’ll call again?

\- She won’t… I waited… She never called back…

\- Ok… So, what I can do for you?

\- I need to find her Luna… Do you know if I can from this call?

\- Maybe there is a way… But, now it’s like four in the morning… We’ll see in the morning… Go and rest a little Lexa, please.

\- I can’t sleep now… 

\- I know that you’re not sleeping Lexa… Take a little break now and sleep a little and tomorrow I’ll call you and we’ll find Clarke.

I knew that she wouldn’t drop it and I relented. – Ok… I’ll go. Bye Luna. – I put the phone back on his place and I dropped back in the couch… She called and after a few months, was a step forward… Also, I heard her beautiful voice… I just hoped that Luna’s plan succeeds…


	24. Chapter 24

\- Luna… I owe you big time… You are a genius… - I said to her as we went out of the building…

\- I know… - She said, smiling.

\- But, how did you think about that?

\- Well, someone had to think and how you have your mind on other thoughts, I had to think of this… I’m a genius after all… - She smiled wider.

-… and modest, apparently… - I smiled too.

\- I really am…

\- So…She is Paris then?

\- Yes… Or, at least that was what the man from the phone told me… Clarke called from Paris... – We stopped at Lexa’s car. – So, are you going to go and find her now? – Luna asked me very serious.

\- Yes… I am Luna.

\- Don’t you think that she had a reason for leaving?

\- Luna, she didn’t want to ruin my friendship with Bellamy and something about that she didn’t wasn’t to hurt me with her insecurities… - I opened the doors and we went inside the car. – That said in her letter, where she said that she loves me too…

\- That is what is eating you…? That she loves you…?

\- Yes… If she loves me, she should say that to my face and no in some letter… I want to see her eyes as she says it and then we can spend our lives together.

Luna smiled and then she said. – So, what’s our next move miss Holmes?

\- What I would like to have a deduction that Sherlock Holmes has… - I said. – I would find her by now…But, now I have to go to work… I have to leave everything in order… I’m going to Paris.

\- I love this, you know… This investigation… I’m good at that… Well at that and cars. Maybe, I should merge those things…

\- Ha-ha, you should.- I said as I parked in the parking lot of ‘Blake motors’. – I’ll see you at four?

\- Yes… I’ll tell Bellamy that I have something urgent…

\- Ok…Bye…

\- Bye… - Now that I had her location, I’ll find her… I needed her… I needed to tell her that I love her, to feel her lips on mine, to hug her and to never let her go again.

After few minutes I was at my office and told to Anya about everything that happened. – So, then Luna and I went to my phone company and they found out from where she called.

\- That’s great!

\- It really is… You don’t know how much I can tell her how much I love her, to see her eyes and find all the answers that I needed.

\- But, how are you going to find her in Paris…

\- Luna and I are going to Clarke’s gallery… She’ll distract the assistant and I’ll look for the address.

\- I have a better idea… She’ll distract the assistant, I’ll look for the information and you’ll be in the car waiting for us to run away from there, as fast as we can…

\- Ok. That’ll be great if you want to join us. – I smiled. – Thank you Anya.

She just smiled and put her hand on my shoulder. – I know how much this means to you Lexa and I know that you love her and I know that she loves you. You’ll be so happy when you find Clarke.

\- Why do you need to find Clarke Lexa? – Bellamy was standing behind us.

\- I’ll leave you two to talk… - Anya was gone in a second and I remained there with Bellamy…

\- Now, that’s Anya is gone are you going to answer? – He went silent, waiting for me to start talking… - Lexa… Tell me.

\- Ok, fine… I’ll tell you everything…

\- What’s everything? What the hell is going on Lexa…? Why do you need to find Clarke after all this time? – He made a pause then and after a couple of seconds, he asked. – Did you have something with Clarke?

I didn’t say anything and I thought about this moment million times… The moment when Bellamy finds out everything… 

\- God damn it Lexa… Tell me what’s going on…I’m giving you opportunity to explain everything and to tell me that’s not truth…

\- I can’t tell you that…

\- So… - He passed his hands over his face and then, he started talking without yelling. -Are you telling me that you and Clarke had something? You had an affair? That you were cheating behind my back…? That you were fucking as I thought that I had the perfect fiancé and a best friend that always had my back…?

\- Don’t tell anything something that you’ll regret later…

\- Lexa… - Bellamy laughed then. – You care about her? Even after she left you?

\- Clarke left to avoid this moment…

\- What moment? The moment I find out what a big lie is my life? Well thanks… But, look at this… She’s gone and I know…

\- Please Bellamy…

\- Please, what? Damn it Lexa! We are not children that are arguing about a balloon… You did something that I would never think that you’ll do this… Don’t you remember that day in the maze when we promised…?

I interrupted him. – Bellamy it’s not like we did on purpose and with intention… It was stronger than us…

\- Stronger than you? Don’t tell me that you fell in love with Clarke the first moment you saw her? That you wanted to leave and save our friendship, but you couldn’t… That you wanted to move away from us, but your ‘love’ didn’t let you… That you fell in love with her and that you couldn’t leave her.

\- Bellamy… 

\- What Lexa? Are you going to tell me that am right?- I just stayed silent and Bellamy looked at me, shaking his head. – Damnit Lexa… That’s the most stupid answer ever… How can I believe that?

\- That’s your choice… - We stayed in silence… Neither of us said anything and the tension is strong that you can cut it with the knife… We were watching each other and in Bellamy’s eyes were evident anger and maybe doubt…

\- Since when?

\- Since when, what Bellamy?

\- Since when you and Clarke were ‘seeing’ each other behind my back?

\- That’s not important…

\- I know… But, I want to know… - I couldn’t say anything… I mean, how could I say to Bellamy that we were together since I came back? That, from the moment I saw her I had this incredible desire to kiss her… I turned around then and I went to the windows… We were standing there in silence… It was better that he doesn’t know that detail… But, then he said. – It was since engagement party, right? – I turned around to see him and he smiled…- I thought so… - He then hit my desk with his fist. – How could I be so stupid? How many times that you were just there, cheating behind my back…? – He looked at me then… - How many times did you make fun of me? Bellamy who? He is not important and too stupid to notice what’s going on and then the way we broke up… How she said that she doesn’t love me like she did at the beginning…No! Of course she wasn’t feeling the same… She was doing you…

\- Don’t talk about her… It’s my entire fault…

\- Oh, come on… She was playing with both of us… She left you and here you are defending her…

\- Stop! Don’t talk about Clarke that way… Look at me… Insult me… Yell at me… If you want, come here and hit me… But, don’t talk about Clarke… - I yelled and Bellamy stood there watching me… He remembers something… Clarke told him something before leaving…

\- You love her?

\- More than my life… - I made a pause and Bellamy looked like he’s going to ask something. – If you’re going to ask me if I’m going to find her, the answer is yes.

\- I’ll never forgive you this Lexa… You know that, right?

\- Yeah… I know…

\- Then good luck… - He turned around and started walking away… - I hope you can find her so all this… All this shit can be worth something… - Then he was gone, leaving only silence behind him.

After a few moments, Anya came in my office and she came and sat down in front of my desk… I sat in my chair; my hands were covering my eyes… I was so tired and after this thing with Bellamy… Honestly, this took out of me so much… He was like my brother and now that all the truth is out… I lost him.

\- He’ll be back when he cools down… - Anya said.

\- No… This is different… - I convinced myself of that… - I have to find her now even more… I’ve lost Bellamy and I can’t lose her now… 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Sometimes when someone believes that has it all, when the life gives you all served on a plate, when nothing in your life is forbidden and when you walk through life with an ease, the fall back in reality is even much more harder. I can’t say that I never thought about that, but I never let my mind go there… I always reminded me that she’s my best friend… But, I was a complete fool… I trusted them… Even if I released after we broke up that Clarke was right, I didn’t feel the same thing that I felt when we started dating… But, treason still hurt... How many times I left them together alone or how many times I asked Lexa to take Clarke home… How many times did I believe my best friend and my fiancé?

I fell in the couch behind me… I was in my office alone… Everyone else is gone to lunch and that was good thing because I wanted to drown all my problems in hard liquor, but when I wanted to get up and go to the bar I heard a voice…

\- Bellamy, is everything alright? – Luna entered my office. I didn’t say anything, but then she continued. – It’s a bad time, right? – She then turned around to walk away as she said. – I’ll come back tomorrow…

But, for some reason I wanted her with me, to talk with her so I said. – No… Wait… Please stay Luna.

\- Ok… - She closed the door and came to sit beside me on the couch. – What’s going on?

\- Did you know about Clarke and Lexa?

Luna looked at me surprised, but then understanding crossed her eyes and she said. – Yes. I found out just before she went away…

I paused for a second and then I jumped off the couch, yelling. – Then why didn’t you tell me something… I thought that we are friends? You were here beside me all this time and you said nothing…

\- Bellamy… That wasn’t mine story to say… Yes, we are friends but you know that… You know that even if I said something, there is a strong possibility that you wouldn’t believe me… - I was pacing, but her words stopped me in place. I couldn’t say anything, so she continued. – You would call me a liar… - I looked down and it remained like that meanwhile she was still talking. – I’m not anybody to judge them for what they did, because I know that feeling when your emotions overpower you.

\- You talk about love… Do you think that they love each other?

\- I don’t know what Lexa told you, or how did you find out but… Do you think that they would do that if it isn’t? – Luna stood up and turns her back to me, but she continued talking. – At least they took a risk… Lexa is going to find Clarke and they’ll be okay… They love each other and they are going to have a happy ending… and someone of us… - She looked then at me again. - … Are not that lucky... We can love that person and maybe they would never know that… Not even having a hope of that kind of future…

I looked at her and seeing her tears physically hurt. – Then…. You… You love Lexa?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

\- What? – I looked at Bellamy, not believing what my ears were hearing… - From all that I said; your conclusion is that I love Lexa...?

\- Because I believe…- He made a pause and then after a few moments, he said. – You’re crying… - He then took out a tissue of his pocket and gave it to me. – Is that why you covered for them, because you love her?

I stood there, looking at Bellamy…At his eyes that seemed like they have torment battling inside. – No… You’re wrong. I’m not in love with Lexa. – Bellamy came close to me, taking the tissue from my hands and wiping gently my tears. – We are friends and I appreciate her, but I don’t love her… Not in the way that you think. 

\- Then why are you crying? – He was facing me and looking me directly in the eyes.

\- Because there are so many stubborn people… 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

She said that and then our eyes met and I felt an electric charge running through my body and her brown eyes had me mesmerized, even more shiny now for some reason… I wanted approach her… But I felt like my feet stuck on the floor. I was frozen by this feeling that I felt from the first time I saw her… What I always felt when she was close… But, I couldn’t do anything… I just got out of the messiest situation in my life and now… I can’t do this right now. So, I made a step back and then she said suddenly said.– I have to go… - Luna walked to the door, but then she turned around and said. - I hope that you’ll be ready when the right girl comes.

I stood there frozen, looking at the door… The door that she just closed when she left and I didn’t know what is happening with me when she’s so close, and what did she mean by that.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Monty came with us and now was outside keeping watch meanwhile I was looking through the desk of Clarke’s old assistant… - Come on Anya… Hurry up! – He said.

\- I’m doing this as fast as I can… This guy has no order… But, then I found an address book and when I look through it, I found Clarke’s phone number in Paris and the address of her new gallery. – Got it, now we can go…

\- Okay, let’s go before Luna comes back with the assistant and he calls the cops…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

I was waiting in the car, looking at the watch on my wrist… They were still in there…Why is taking so long? They should be out by now… What if someone got recognized? No… There wasn’t any chance… I leaned back on the seat and I thought about her, like I always did when I’m nervous… Only thinking about her calmed me down and soon I would see her, kiss her and love her. – Just a little more… Clarke, I’m going to be soon there.

Then I saw Anya and Monty exiting the gallery, running to the car. They got in and I smiled. Anya was smiling too. – Did you find something?

\- Did you doubt us? – She sassed in the manner that Anya usually does.

\- Never! – I smiled wider. – Where is Luna?

\- She went somewhere with that assistant… - Anya made a pause and then she said. – There she is…

Luna came to the car and sat behind with Monty.– Did you find it?

\- Yes, we did. – Anya smiled at Luna and they she looked at me. – Here you have Clarke’s number in Paris and also the address of the gallery in Paris…

-That’s great. – I took the piece of paper of Anya and put it my pocket. – Let’s go and celebrate this. Tomorrow I’ll be on the plane, on the way to find her.


	25. Chapter 25

I let go of my suitcase when I entered in my hotel room. I was in Paris and even if I want to go now and look for her, I had to wait. I had to look for the gallery first, to arrange everything so when I find her she couldn’t run away again. I can’t risk that… There was a greater risk of that that my friendship with Bellamy is destroyed. She wouldn’t want to hurt me more, and then she’ll run away again.  
Before I came here, I called Bellamy… I called but he never answered… Maybe it was too soon for that, but I wanted to apologize. Not because I love Clarke, but because I betrayed his trust… When he didn’t answer and then I called Raven to explain everything… When I told her, she understood when I told her that I’m in love with Clarke. That I wouldn’t do that to Bellamy I wasn’t in love with her. She wished me good luck and to call her when I come back.  
It was eleven o’clock in Paris, but in New York was only the 4pm, so I took the hotel phone and called Anya. She was at work.  
\- Woods Enterprise’s, Lexa Woods office, how can I help you? – Anya said when she answered.  
-Hi Anya…  
\- Lexa! – She said excitedly. – Are you there yet? Do you like the room? Or, did you go to the gallery first? – She talked fast.  
\- Anya, calm down… -I smiled. – I’m at the hotel because it’s late here and I’ll go tomorrow to find her. – I knew she was excited too and wanted to hear from Clarke finally.  
\- Ok, but what are you planning? To call her or you’ll go to Clarke’s office?  
\- I’ll go there. I want to surprise her and…  
\- … and then you’ll see her and you’ll be happy… Finally! – She interrupted me and finished my sentence. I smiled.  
\- Do you think so?  
\- I know so. Lexa, she loves you and you know that. Now you go take a shower and sleep a little and tomorrow you’ll see her. – I accepted what she said and then we said our goodbyes… Then I listened what Anya said and went to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for the bed. I felt at peace knowing that she’s so close.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
I’m in my room, drinking… Alcohol doing its thing, bringing me numbness that I needed so much… How can I forgive this? How can I forget this when I’m still so hurt by their treason? I took one more sip… How can I trust in anyone else when the closest people in my life betrayed me? I should hate them. That was logical thinking, but I knew that I didn’t… I felt betrayed and hurt, but I couldn’t hate them… I had too much history with Lexa. We were so close… We grow up together… I never could hate her and Clarke? Clarke left Lexa and by hers words, she left because she wanted to avoid me finding out about what. She left the women she loved because she wanted to protect Lexa’s and mine friendship.  
Then I thought about Luna and what she said… The right girl… I didn’t want anyone at this moment, but why I couldn’t stop thinking about her… Her eyes… How she laughed… How she would get dirty working on the cars… How her eyes shined when she would fix some problem that even I couldn’t fix… I got up from the chair not wanting to think any more about her… But, my mind didn’t let me do that… Why did she speak like that? Why did she cry? She was in love with some and that someone didn’t love her back, which was clear… Was it Lexa? But then I remembered that she said that they are just friends… Did she lie to me? I drank everything that was left in my glass and I felt that the room started turning… I heard that someone rings the doorbell but I could go and answer… My legs didn’t work… I stood up, but the room turned around and I fell down… Last thing that I heard was that someone is calling my name…  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
I woke up the next morning… It was 9am and I was ready to find her. I took out that piece of paper that Anya gave me, and I decided to first call the gallery to see if she’s even there. I called and soon enough male voice answered.  
\- Musée d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris, Bureau de Clarke Griffin, comment puis-je vous aider? – Her assistant, I suppose, said.  
\- Do you speak English? – I asked.  
\- Yes… My name is Elias, how can I help you?  
\- Is this Clarke Griffin’s number?  
\- Yes… - He laughed. – I’m her assistant…  
\- Ok… My name is Lexa Woods and I’m… -He interrupted me and then what he said, surprised me.  
\- Wait… You’re Lexa? Seriously? – She seemed excited… Did Clarke tell her about me? – Clarke is going to be so happy to hear that you’re here… Are you in Paris?  
\- Yes, but…  
\- Wait a moment… I’ll patch you up with her...  
\- No, wait… - I interrupted him before she connects me with Clarke. – I want to surprise he… Can you keep this call a secret?  
He laughed and then said. - That’s so exciting… But, what do you want me to do?  
\- Did she tell you about me?  
\- Yes… Well, a little… She told me some details of your story… So, you want to surprise her? No problem… Tonight she doesn’t have anything scheduled, so you can come then and I’ll take care of everything else… What do you think?  
\- Ok… Is 5pm ok?  
\- That’s great.  
\- Thank you Elias…  
\- No, you don’t have to thank me… I want to see Clarke happy and you’re the most direct way to that. Do you have the address?  
I smiled. – Yes.  
\- Okay, then I’ll see you tonight… Bye! – He was gone then and I had this pleasant feeling about this guy. I liked that he wanted for Clarke to be happy. Now just a few hours and I’ll see her. I waited for three months for this.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
There he was… Sleeping in his bed and I couldn’t take my eyes of his face… When I went in and saw him down on the floor, I was scared. Then I saw empty bottle of whiskey and I knew that he’s only drunk…  
I was there to talk to him… Tell him that I needed to be with him… That if he needs me, I’ll be there for him… I worried when I knocked for some time and nobody answered… I went back to the doorman but he said that Bellamy’s home and that all his cars are parked there. So, I went back up and I knocked and used the doorbell and nobody answered… I tried the door and it was unlocked. Then, I went in and I found him in this state… I helped him up and into the bed and now there were we… He’s sleeping in the bed and I’m sitting here… He slept all night, only waking to mumble something… I was sad that he needed still this much alcohol to forget about Clarke… It was weird that he needs the alcohol now and he didn’t needed when she was gone… Or, is this maybe about the betrayal…?  
Suddenly, he rises out of the bed and looks for a glass with water. So, I got up from the chair, where I was all night, and went to bring him. But, they I felt his hand on mine… He grabbed my hand while I was passing by the bed and he said. – No… Please don’t go…  
I remained paralyzed and I turned around to see him… He was seating in the bed and holding my hand and I my started moving alone, walking to the bed and kneeling in front of him… - Bellamy… No… Lay down and I’ll bring you a glass of water…  
\- No… - He was still drunk… I could tell by his voice. – I want you to be here, close to me. – He hugs me then and my heart went crazy… I didn’t know why I’m not stepping away… I should… But, I couldn’t… With his hands around me and looking me like that, I felt my heart beating so fast… I moved away a little, because he was drunk and he maybe thinks that I’m Clarke…Yeah… He’s confused… I tried again to move away, but he didn’t let me and then he said. – Luna… Please don’t go… Stay here with me. Don’t go to Lexa… I want you here with me…  
\- Lexa?  
\- Yes, Lexa… You love her… Don’t do the same thing like Clarke did… Stay here with me.  
\- Bellamy… - I signed deeply and looked at his eyes… - I don’t love Lexa… Stop telling me that… - I was on the verge of tears. – Because… Because you’re drunk and you’re telling me all this because you’re thinking about Clarke… - Some tears fell down my cheeks.  
\- I’m not thinking about Clarke… - He pulled me towards. – I’m thinking about you Luna…  
\- Please Bellamy…  
\- I feel something for you Luna… It something strong…- He wiped my tears, looking me directly in the eyes…- I never felt like this… Stay with me please.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><   
I was in the design room that was across my office… I organized the last details of the next show which will be held in two days. Today was a strange day… Elias was strangely cheerful all day, looking me with this look that was in between excitement and happiness and I thought every day about Lexa… I mean, that wasn’t strange, because I always think about her all day usually. Her hands touching me, her voice while she says the sweetest things in my ear…  
I breathed deeply, still trying to concentrate on the design… I was nearly finished…But, suddenly I felt that someone is opening the door so I said, without looking who it is. – Elias… If there are any messages, leave it on my desk… I’m nearly done here… - He didn’t say anything, but I still heard steps walking in my direction…  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
Clarke was just there… Her blonde, curly hair, her raspy voice… After all this time and now, she was just there and all that I wanted is to see her eyes again… I came closer to her and I knew the moment when she realized it was me behind her…  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
I felt my body tense … It wasn’t Elias that came in that room… The perfume was too familiar and I spent the last three months dreaming of smelling it again… But, that’s impossible… It couldn’t be… I wanted to turn and see her… To check that I’m not imagining, but then her hands came around my waist and she leaned against my body. My legs faltered, my breathing accelerated and I thought that I could feel my heart in my throat. My body reacted like always when she touches it and I left out a soft groan. It’s Lexa.  
\- Hi! – She said whispering it on my ear. – What? You’re not happy to see me?  
\- What… What are you doing here?  
Still talking on my ear… - I missed you… - Then she planted a kiss on my neck. – Very much… - I felt those butterflies, the same ones that I felt when I’ve seen her for the first time. Then I turned around in Lexa hands and I saw that shade of green that I missed so much. She was standing there in front of me, saying that she missed me and I couldn’t believe it. On one side, I’m happy that she’s here, but on the other I was worried that she’s here just temporally and that she’ll leave tomorrow or later that day.  
\- Lexa… - I tried to say, but she interrupted me.  
\- Clarke listen … I know that you did all this to save my friendship with Bellamy and to save me from, like you said, uncertain future with you… But, I can’t accept that… Because, I don’t have any future if you are not beside me. I want a future with you Clarke and I don’t care about anything else. I tried this all this time to accept your decision and I came up with only one solution… I needed to find you and tell you that I miss you, that I love you too and that I can’t live without you.  
I love you… She said I love you… I smiled. – You love me?  
\- Clarke I love you from the first moment that I laid my eyes on your beautifully blue eyes. I missed you so much. – She came close to my face and I could feel her breath caressing my lips. Then, she kissed me and everything seemed good on this world. I missed so much those lips. Our kiss was slow, gentle, full of love, full of those feelings that were neglected all these months that we were separated… A wanting kiss that we could share on public place and nobody would judge us why are we doing it. 


	26. Chapter 26

I couldn’t still believe that I heard him say these words… Now there he was, sleeping… He said that he loves me… Well, not loves me, but he said that he thinks that is love. He feels love for me… I wanted to move then, but he holds me tighter in his hands and it was like he didn’t want for me to leave and I didn’t want to resist anymore, so I lied back down beside him enjoying the morning. I never seen him like that…He always had control over everything and this entire situation shook him a lot. I didn’t know if it was more because of Lexa or Clarke… But, now he seemed so peaceful and I wanted to caress his cheek but I was afraid to wake him up. What if he wakes up and regrets everything? What if he wakes up and blames everything on the alcohol?  
He moved then, pulling me closer to his body and tightening his hand on my waist and our closeness made my heart skip a beat as his lips were just a breath away. This was a dream come true and since I met him, I always wanted this, but not like this. I needed to talk and maybe, yes I know that it’s late after what we did last night, but I needed him to confirm this or deny… To confirm his words and then maybe we can start something beautiful, or he can deny everything and my heart will break, but I’ll be his friend. Anything is better than nothing.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
Her kisses, her touches on my body… We were laughing and kissing when we entered in her apartment. The door closed and we were there on the inside, kissing and trying to catch up all the time that we lost. She was caressing my back under my shirt and I was trying to take hers off as my lips kissed hers. Her shirt was now on the floor and I pulled her closer, not wanting to let her go and we went through the living room to the bedroom where she finally managed to get my shirt off. Then, I looked in hers eyes and said. – I love you! – It felt so good that I could say that to her.  
Clarke smiled and a tear fell down her cheek. – Me too… I love you.  
\- I love you. – I said again and then I picked her up.  
She laughed as I was carrying her to the bed. – What are you doing crazy? – Clarke asked, still laughing.  
\- I treating her like you deserve… - I put her on the bed and caressing her face. – My princess… - I kissed her again, but now gently and slow, feeling all the millimeter of her lips. Her hand came around my back and she put them in my hair, a groan came out of her lips then as I started kissing her neck slowly, kissing every centimeter of her body. With every kiss I went down, until I came to her bra and then I free her breast of that beautiful lingerie and then I passed at my lips over the newly exposed skin. She moaned and I felt like I was in the paradise. I missed her voice and that sound she just made was like music for me. I put on of her nipples in my mouth and she arched her back, moaning more loudly.  
\- Lexa… - Clarke said in the middle of a groan. I laughed and then I moved my hands to her black jeans and I opened them, pulling it down slowly. I stopped kissing her breast to kiss her lips.  
\- I missed you so much. – I said that moving my lips over hers. - Too much… I thought about you every day and night… I was lost in my work to stop all the memories, but that didn’t help… I always hopped that I will do this again. You’re here with me now and I don’t want to lose you ever again… I don’t care about anything Clarke… Nothing matters when I’m with you, because we are going to be happy.  
\- Forgive me… - She said with tears in her eyes.  
I wiped her tears. – Why?  
\- Because I left… I run away and I should’ve stayed there, to take in the consequence and just love you.  
\- Since I saw that letter where you said that you love me, you’re forgiven. – I kissed her lips. But then I saw your eyes and you are double forgiven. She smiled and I kissed her again. This kisses were picking up the speed and my hands explored her body, touching every part. Clarke arched her back to her touch and that movement made me move closer. I kissed down her body until I was over her sensitive clit and then I rolled my tongue over it as I buried my two fingers in her and Clarke panted rolling her hips into my fingers. Her orgasm build quickly as I curled my fingers in and out. Pushing and pulling to make her come over the edge. I sucked her clit into my mouth and my free hand wandered to one of her breasts and Clarke hooked her legs around my shoulders. She was lost in building pressure and twisted her hands in my hair. Her head was tossing left and right and their bodies finding rhythm that they had lost over the last three months and then Clarke’s orgasm started to shake her body. Her voice was hoarse from crying out and her hips were moving at an uneven pace when she finally broke. Her moan was a clear indication that she came hard, her walls clenching around my fingers. Then she seat up and pulled me to her lips to kiss me. After her orgasm subsided, I pulled slowly out of her and kissed her with everything that I had.  
Suddenly, he turned me around and moving on top of me and kissing my nipple. I gasped and pushed into her touch. She grabbed my other breast with her hand and her fingers rolled into the sensitive nub. Her other hand went down my body and found the slick center that made us both groan. She moved her fingers over it, dipping her fingers into drenching core. Then she rocked her hips into the mine. Our eyes locked as we moved together and my lids closed overwhelmed with the passion that I was feeling at that moment. She continued her movements and I gripped the sheets. I jerked then, moving myself on her fingers and Clarke pulled me into a passionate kiss as my walls clenched around her fingers. My body moved fast when I came and my eyes closed shut. Clarke paused then and kissed me gently on the lips.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
I woke up scared… Was it all a dream? Was she really there with me? I looked at the other side of the bed… There wasn’t anyone… I waited to hear the shower, but nothing again. But, there was a different smell on my pillow… The smell that seemed familiar… The smell that I felt every time she came near me to help me fixing some problem on my car… Something was telling me that it wasn’t a dream… She was there for me last night, hugging me to sleep. Consoling me and if that was dream, it was the best dream in my life. Then, I wanted to get to up and from a suddenly my head started hurting… Maybe sudden movement is not that good idea. But, then I noticed something… The drapes were pulled on to stop the light coming inside. Someone did that knowing that it would bother me when I wake up. I went to the bathroom, washed my face to wake up and then I went downstairs to the kitchen. I needed coffee. She was there.  
\- Hi…-I said, not knowing what else to say.  
\- Hi… How are you feeling?  
\- Okay… I think…- Then I smiled. – That’s a lie… I’m miserable… My head hurts… - I was frustrated… She talked to me with this cold voice and she never did that before…Maybe she’s regretting last night… - What are you doing? – I went closer.  
\- Lunch… - She was so cold and distant.  
\- Can I help you? – I stood behind her…- Maybe I can cut something…?  
\- You, with that hangover? – She made a joke then. – Sorry… I don’t think so. I don’t want to clean all the blood. – She smiled. – Also, can you please come over here…? You’re breathing on my neck…  
\- Why? – I didn’t want to move from her… Actually, I wanted to go closer. Also, I tried to break all this ice that was in between us… - Am I bothering you?  
\- Yes… - She was nervous, I could tell. – You’re in my private space…  
I moved closer. – Yeah? Maybe you’re just nervous?  
Then she turned around and looked in my eyes… Our body’s only millimeters apart. – Bellamy…  
I put my hands on the table, surrounding her… I had nothing to lose and I felt that dream was a memory. Memory of her telling me that she wasn’t in love with Lexa… Maybe I can find out if this what I feel is love… - Yeah? - I asked with a smirk.  
\- My…My space… - I felt that she was shaking.  
-Yeah, I know… I’m invading your personal place… - I said sarcastically. – Do you really want for me to move?  
\- No… I mean, yes…  
\- Decide… Yes or no? – I moved my head closer to her. – Do I have to move? Do you want that? – My lips were couple centimeters apart. – Do you want for me to move from your personal space? Tell me to move and I will…  
\- Bellamy, why are you doing this? - Luna asked. – I… I don’t… - She looked on the side. – I’m not Clarke… I can’t replace her and I don’t know if you know what did you said last night, but this doesn’t gives you right to do this… Please, let me go...  
I took her chin and turned her head to face me. – I don’t think that you’re Clarke, nor I’m using you to replace her… Now, tell me… What did I say last night, because I don’t understand anything…?  
\- It’s not important… - She tried to look away again, but I stopped her…  
\- Please, I want to know…  
\- You told me that you… You… - She made a pause and looked me in the eyes. – That you lov… - I didn’t let her finish her sentence. I kissed her and pulled her even closer to my body.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
It was surreal and magical… It was impossible… I thought that she can’t love me… But, what’s happening now? Can I believe his words? Then I separated from his lips, his touch and him and ran to the living room to take my bag and run away…  
\- What happened? – Bellamy was behind me in the seconds. – Why did you run?  
\- That shouldn’t have happen… - I was ready to go.  
Bellamy took my hand and pulled me closer to his body. – Why? We both wanted…  
\- No… You’re wrong…. I’m not playing Bellamy and I’m not a toy for your entertainment… Let me go, I don’t have anything else to do here… You are sober now and the hangover doesn’t seem that bad… You have lunch ready and I’m going to go…- I pulled my hand from his grasp. – If you want someone for a way to comfort you for everything that happened with Lexa and Clarke, it can’t be me. Or, if you want someone to replace her look for someone else… - Then I left, closing the door behind me.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
I woke up with her in my hands and I smiled. It wasn’t a dream. I found her and now we were here, together in the bed. We made love last night, all night until we couldn’t do it anymore and had to sleep in each other’s hands. I smiled and then I moved a hair from Clarke’s face, caressing her cheek. I kissed her forehead and I followed the hairline, kissing every part of her face until I was at her lips.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
When I woke up, I thought that I dreamed it all and I didn’t want to open my eyes to see my bed empty like it was every morning during these three months. But, then I felt her lips kissing me, from my forehead to my lips and I knew that this couldn’t be just a dream. Lexa was there with me. She was there during all night, kissing me, loving me and telling sweet loving thing in my ear all night long. So, I opened my eyes and found a green ones looking directly at mine. She was smiling and that made smile too. I kissed her, putting my arms around her neck and pulling her towards.  
\- I love waking up like this. – I said smiling.  
\- And, I love you… - She kissed me again and we were kissing for a while, but then she suddenly stopped kissing me and looked at me very seriously… - Clarke… I told you last night that my life is nothing when I’m not with you and I don’t care what anybody says… I didn’t want to tell you this, but Bellamy knows about us… - I looked at her and her eyes were sad when she said that.  
\- He knows? How? Did you…? – I asked, still not understanding how that happened and I felt sad too, knowing how hard it would be for Lexa that he knows and even more if she told him.  
\- No… Well… He heard Anya and I talking… I was talking that I had to find you and then when he heard that he figured it all… I couldn’t deny… Not anymore. I didn’t want to hide my love anymore. – She was still looking in my eyes and I put my hand in her cheek to console her. – He said that he won’t forgive me and I get it… I wouldn’t either…  
\- I understand… You’re right…We should’ve done that a long time ago and maybe now the situation wouldn’t be so bad. We made a mistake with him… I mean, we are not a mistake, don’t get me wrong… I wouldn’t ever regret this… But, this entire situation with him never should’ve happened… We should’ve been honest from the beginning…  
\- Yeah… But, that’s the past and now is the present and we have to look to a better future… I don’t want a future without you Clarke… Marry me? Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but promise me that someday you’ll marry me? – She kissed me then.  
I stopped the kiss, because I couldn’t hold it anymore. – Lexa, I’ll marry you tomorrow if you want that. – I smiled. – I can’t live anymore without you too. These three months were so lonely and I missed you so much… After I saw you yesterday in my office and last night, I knew that I couldn’t leave you again. I love you! – We sealed our promise with a kiss, lots of them.


	27. Chapter 27

Yeah, sure… He doesn’t feel anything for her… He isn’t using me for consoling… Or, revenge… I wiped a tear from my cheek… I’m so lucky in picking them… My love life is as always in the ruins… I can’t love him… I can’t be so weak, like I was last night… I don’t want to fall again and I won’t, even if it hurts… I can’t be someone’s replacement…  
I was in the garage, crying like some loser beside his car, when I should check it or trouble and get it ready for the next race… Then, I wiped all the tears and got up… I walked to the exit… I needed to go… I wanted to disappear from here and lose myself in something else that doesn’t have anything to do with Bellamy… But, then the man in question entered in garage and I just stopped…  
\- What… What are you doing here? – I asked him.  
\- I work here… - He smiled.  
\- Well, enjoy… I have to go… I have some errands to do… - I tried to walk around, but he stood in my way, no matter what step I took. – Bellamy… Let’s not do this again… Let me pass. – I was feeling frustrated.  
Then, he turned around and closed the door behind him with a key… - We need to talk… - He said as he turned around, looking me in the eyes.  
\- We don’t have to do anything… I have to go… So, let me… - I tried to take a key from his hand, but then he put the key in his pocket… - Why are you doing this? Please… Don’t…  
\- When we’re done, I’ll let you go… I need for you to listen to me.  
\- I told you that we don’t have anything to talk about… I already told you every… - He then pushed me towards the wall and standing so close to me. Our bodies were so close and I couldn’t let that happen again, so I tried to push him, but he didn’t move… His lips were so close and his hands on the each side of my body were stopping me run away… His cologne was hypnotic and he came even closer and my heart started beating very fast.  
\- Bellamy… - He came a millimeter closer and I had to bite my lip to stop myself from kissing him. – Please, Bellamy… I…  
\- Please what? – He asked me with a tone of his voice became different.  
\- Don’t do this… - I couldn’t breathe…  
\- Why? Don’t you want…? Tell me to go away Luna and I’ll go… Tell me that and I’ll walk away in this moment and I’ll never bother you again… - He always told me that you should always take a risk to win… But, what if I take a risk and it’s too much? What if I tell him to go? Is he going to do what he said, for real? I didn’t say anything… I just looked in his eyes… Seconds passed and I still didn’t say anything… How can I tell him to go away, when I wanted him close, even more closely than she is now? Next thing that I felt was his hand on my neck pulling me to his lips. He kissed me, gently at first, but then more passionate and then I lost myself in that feeling that his lips made me feel. I put my hands around his neck and pulled him closer to my body… We were kissing for a while until some noise made us separate and I looked in his eyes… I thought that I would find regret and fear there, but it was something else… Something that made me feel comforted and loved. Then we heard knocking on the door that he locked.  
\- What do you want? – He asked that person, not moving from our bubble…  
\- Mr. Blake… I need you to sign the papers for the exhibition… - I heard the voice of Bellamy’s assistant and I knew that he needs to go, so I wanted to move but he didn’t let me.  
\- Ok… I’ll be there in a minute… Luna… I…  
\- You what? – I started crying for some reason… - You realized that I love you and now what…? You’ll use me to forget about her?  
\- Don’t say that… I don’t love Clarke, not anymore… I love you…  
\- No… Bellamy, please don’t lie… - I said while crying. Then I passed by and walked to the door… - Open the door… I want to go home… I’m tired and I need that this day to come to an end…  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><  
I walked to the door and opened it for her and then I took a step back to let her pass… I need to prove to her that I don’t want to use her… I don’t want to use her to forget about Clarke, because like I said… I loved Clarke and now… I don’t anymore… I feel something for Luna and it’s strong. But, I have to prove it to her and I won’t do that if I lock us in there… I needed to clear my head too.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
Lexa and I were walking on the streets of Paris… We visited so much beautiful places and went shopping too. Always holding hands, smiling, kissing… We were just together and that felt so good.  
\- You look so good in that dress. – Lexa said to my ear as we got out from Armani store. Then she kissed me and I stopped to enjoy the kiss properly. – I have an invitation for you…  
\- You do? – I asked Lexa.  
\- Yes, I want to invite you to dinner. – She pulled me to her body. – Do you like that?  
\- I love that… But, is that a date?  
Lexa smiled then. – Yes. That’ll be our first date.  
I smiled to. – Ok, but where?  
\- This morning when you were in the shower I made a reservation… - She smirked.  
\- So that was the reason you wanted to buy this dresses…?  
\- Yeah, in part… I wanted the dresses because you look gorgeous in them and I would like to take it of your body later, but it’ll serve for a date too. – I kissed her then, pulling her closer to my body. I liked the idea of her taking off the dress, but the date sound exciting. We never had opportunity to go out and to have a date in public and now we can. We can go to the restaurant holding hands, sharing kisses, having dinner without any dear that someone familiar will see us.  
The kiss was becoming more passionate and Lexa put her hands on my lover back, clearly in the mood for something else and I knew that we needed to stop or we’ll do something that’ll made us go to jail instead of an restaurant.  
\- Lexa… We have to stop… - I said in between of kisses. – We can do this later.  
\- Let’s go to your apartment then, or better even to my hotel… I need you.  
\- Well, you promised me a date so now… Hold it in, because I want a date and I want it now… - I smiled then. – But, after we’ll do that and so much more. I took a step back and took her hand again and started walking.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><   
\- I’m worried about Lexa… - I said to Monty as we were in Lexa’s office.  
\- Why?  
\- Because she didn’t call me… Is everything okay? Did she found Clarke? Are they together now?  
\- Anya… I’m sure that they are… They love each other and I’m sure that the moment Clarke saw her, she kissed her. Do you remember how they were here? They couldn’t take their hands of each other… I bet now that they were three months separated is even worse. She probably didn’t even reproach her anything and she took Clarke directly to bed.  
\- I don’t think so… Lexa is proud…  
\- I tell you… Three months of abstinence… That’s too much for them.  
\- Ha-ha… Well I can’t deny they have the hots for each other…- I wanted to say something more but then the door opened and Raven and Octavia came in… They were arguing about something… Even if they were together now, they were the same… Just like before, they always argued… That is until Raven stopped and pulled Octavia closer and kissed her. We watched them, but how they didn’t stop; we had to cough to stop them. They turned around, with rosy cheeks and smiling.  
\- Is there any news about Lexa? – They came in and sat on the couch…  
\- No… - Monty said.  
\- I’m worried… - I said.  
\- Maybe they are on a honeymoon… - Raven shrugged her shoulders.  
\- You see Anya… Raven thinks the same... – Monty said and smiled.  
\- Yeah… Maybe… - I said and then the phone on Lexa’s phone rang and I went to answer… - Yes…  
\- There is someone here asking for Miss Woods… - The secretary on the front desk said.  
\- Tell them that she isn’t here…  
\- Yeah, I already did… But, he said that he needs to talk with you… Should I let him pass?  
\- What’s his name?  
\- Bellamy Blake.  
\- Bellamy is here…?! – I said that a little louder and everyone in Lexa’s office stopped talking and looked at me…  
We just waited there in Lexa’s office for Bellamy to come there too… I couldn’t but no wonder what he is doing there… Then he was at the door, looking at us.  
\- Is there a meeting and no one called me? – He came in with his hands crossed over his chest.  
No one said anything and then Raven reacted. – We didn’t know that you wanted to come…  
\- The women in the front told me that Lexa is on the trip… She went to find Clarke? – Bellamy asked me.  
\- Yes. – I said; ready to defend them if he says something bad about them. – We found out where she was and she went…  
\- We? – He looked at Octavia then.  
\- I didn’t… - Octavia said. She was angry when she found out about Lexa and Clarke, but then Raven explained everything and she understood. But, even if she understood she wasn’t completely convinced about that love and she wanted to talk to Lexa. Bellamy was her brother by blood, but Lexa was her sister by nurture and she knew that Lexa wouldn’t betray Bellamy just like that… So, she was there waiting to talk with her, not judging anyone.  
\- I see… Ok. - His look was cold.  
\- What do you want? – Monty asked him. – Why do you need Lexa? You want to tell her that she’s a bad friend again, or what?  
\- Monty… - I warned him.  
Then Bellamy looked at me. – Anya, let him say what he needs to say… - He looked at Monty then. – I just came to talk with her… Now when my mind is clear and I had time to think about everything. What would you do if someone told you what she told me that day? I told her some things that I didn’t mean and I’m here because of that. Well maybe I did in that moment, but I was angry then… But, now I thought about it… - He stopped himself.  
\- What now? – Raven asked him.  
\- I think that what happened is the best thing that could happen. – Then he went and sat beside his sister.  
\- How’s that the best thing? – Monty asked.  
\- I realized that I don’t love Clarke, or at least I didn’t love her that much to marry her… It would be bad for both of us if we married… I realized that my love for Clarke is more like friendship and if we did marry, it’ll be mistake that we would pay later, maybe with a divorce.  
\- Well, you have a point… - Monty said. We just stayed in silence for several minutes and then we started talking about Lexa and Clarke and why didn’t they call…  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
We entered in the restaurant holding hands like the happy couple that we were. We followed the maître to our table and we sat there still holding hands. Our table was by the window and we could see the shining light of Paris. She smiled at me and I thought that I always want to see her happy. I loved her and she loved me and that time that we spent it separate, only made our love stronger. We needed each other and we couldn’t separate again. We ordered our meal and eat never breaking eye contact. This whole day and this dinner was magical and I enjoyed it so much.  
Just as she put the last bite of her desert in her mouth, I asked her a question. – Clarke… Do you remember the question I asked you this morning?  
She looked at me and smiled. – Yes!  
\- Ok, that’s good. – I smiled too and then I got a small box from my purse and opened her on the table… - I want to ask you now formally. – Then the blue met green and I smiled. – Do you, Clarke Griffin, want to marry me?  
\- Lexa… This is… - Then she got up from her seat and come to my side of the table and kissed me. That kiss was full of promise and love and even if I knew the answer, I still felt butterflies in my stomach. It was also a hungry kiss and it was like she wanted to mark me forever. The applause in the restaurant makes us separate and we were back to reality, with a little more color in our cheeks. She went back to her seat, still smiling.  
\- Is that a yes? – I asked with a smirk. Clarke just nodded her head and then I took the ring from the box and put it on her finger. The promise of forever was in that ring and she was smiling with the most beautiful smile, her blue eyes were shining and I felt like the luckiest woman on the world.


	28. Chapter 28

I woke up with Lexa’s arms surrounding me, feeling safe and happy. I looked at my ring and I smiled. Yes, that was my fate. Being with Lexa and we will get married and we’re going to be happy. That’ll be the beginning of our life, the beginning of the years that we’ll spend together. The beginning of mornings like this where I can wake up next to her, feeling her warm, sensual body against mine and my lips kissing her all day, every day.  
\- Good morning sleeping beauty… - I smiled, looking at her face.  
Lexa smiled. – Good morning! – She hugged me, pulling my body to hers. – How did you sleep?  
\- With you beside me, I slept like a baby. – I pecked her lips.  
\- Was it that because we made love all night, going to sleep at 4am…? –Lexa smiled with her damn smirk. I pushed her softly and I laughed at her smug face. – What? Am I wrong?  
\- I don’t know… - I smiled. – I’m starting to think that I’m becoming addicted to night like this…  
\- That’s because they are addictive… But… - She looked me with her green eyes; suddenly they went a color darker. – I think that you are much stronger addiction. Always when I see you, I want you more… Always when I touch you, I want to touch more… - She put her hand on my waist. – Always when I kiss you, I want to kiss you more… - She, then, came closer and her lips was so close to mine and I suddenly had trouble breathing. – Always when we make love, I want to repeat it again and again… All this month’s when you were here, I thought about you all the time… - Lexa was talking and how much I wanted to listen what she was saying, her hands on my breasts were distracting. – I don’t know how I survived all this days and nights without you Clarke… I felt like a junkie without his dose of drugs. – Then, she dropped her hand down my stomach to my intimate spot. – I’m addicted to you Clarke and if there is cure, I don’t want it… You are all…  
I groaned and I put my hands on her face to make her look at me. – No more teasing Lexa… Kiss me. – She kissed me then and I moved closer to her fingers that were moving over my bundle of nerves… She then moved on top of me, replacing her fingers with her leg, positioning her center over my leg too. I felt when she inserted two fingers inside of me and then she started moving. We were moving in sync, trying to archive the highest reach. I knew that she couldn’t come just from my leg and I inserted two fingers inside of her. She moaned when I did that and I added my thumb to the mix adding more to her pleasure.  
\- I love you Clarke… - She said between the groans and moans.  
\- I love you too Lexa. - I moved my hand faster and when she felt that she did the same. I knew that I won’t take it any longer and by how she tightens her walls, she was close too. Our bodies started shaking at the same time and just when we were about to come, she kissed me and then we finish at the same time.  
She’s lying over me, breathing accelerated and then she moves and looks at my eyes. – That was amazing. – Lexa kisses me then and I return her kiss. Then she moves beside me, pulling me with her and I put my head on her chest. - Tomorrow is Monday… You go to work tomorrow…  
\- Yeah… I’ll go to arrange everything to move back to New York.  
\- Really, because you don’t have to do that… If you want we can stay here… If you’re happy here, we’ll stay here and make a life h… - I kissed her then, interrupting her nervous babbling.  
After kissing a little, I said.- Lexa, I want you beside me, but the place is not important… I want to go home because we have friends and family there. I can do this job there too… Also, I want to see Anya again…  
\- Anya… I should call her… She’s probably anxious waiting to hear from me… That’s reminds me… Why didn’t you called her? It would certainly make easier our job of finding you.  
\- I couldn’t… I knew that you’ve got closer and her influence on me… She would’ve convinced me to tell her where I am and I would tell her. You have to understand that I believed that me coming here is the right decision… Without any fuss, I’d remove myself and everything will be ok. – My eyes filled with tears.  
\- Clarke…  
\- No, Lexa… I know that I was wrong… I made a mistake coming here and I know that you didn’t reproach me anything because you love, but you should… You suffered so much and you didn’t deserve that I leave you…  
Lexa interrupted me then with a kiss on my lips. - Clarke… Yes, you made a mistake but I didn’t was alone in that… You suffered alone too. You removed yourself wanting to save mine and Bellamy’s friendship and that the least selfish thing that anyone could do. We are now together and I don’t want to think anymore of past mistakes. Now, the most important is the present and the future.  
\- Ok. Then we’ll go back to New York?  
\- If that’s what you want… What about the contracts that you have here?  
\- I told you… I can do this job from there… I’ll work with Camilla and live my life with you.  
\- But, please can you change your assistant? He was so suspicious of me and I couldn’t tell him who I am, and he made me my life hell when I tried to find you.  
I laughed. – Ok, I’ll see if we can move Jasper and I’ll hire new assistant. Ok?  
\- Ok. – Lexa smiled and then came closer and kissed me. She pulled me by my waist and the kiss became deep. I moved on top of her, kissing her with everything I had.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
I put everything in their place… I looked around to find if I missed something… Nothing… Everything is okay and now I just have to convince her to come here. I took out my phone and I dialed her number. Her phone rang till the end, but she didn’t answer… I tried again and again no answer… Then, I waited a little and then I tried again… The phone rang, once, twice… She needed to answer… - Dammit… Answer Luna… - The phone rang three more times and then she answered.  
\- What do you want Bellamy…?  
\- You don’t even say hello?  
She breathed in and then she said. – Hi Bellamy! – That was so sarcastic… - Now… What do you want?  
\- I need you to come to my garage… You know that the race is tomorrow and I need you to help me with my car… I hear some weird noise that worries me…  
\- Ok… I’ll be there in half an hour… - I said goodbye and she disconnected the connection and I smiled. She’s coming there and I’ll convince her that I love her and that I don’t want to use her, that I need her…  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
\- Bellamy…? – I came in the office and everything it was in the dark… I tried to find the light, but it didn’t work… I looked to the hall, but there wasn’t anyone and then I walked to the garage, feeling that my body started shaking… - I’m not amused by this Bellamy… - I said, feeling nervous, but nobody answered. Suddenly, the door behind me closed and I felt like my heart wanted to jump out of my chest… I went to the door, trying to open but it was locked. – Bellamy, this is not funny… - I heard a sound, like someone is walking around me. – Please, Bellamy…- Nobody said anything, but then suddenly someone hugged me from behind and kissed my neck.  
One kiss, one touch, one hug, one smile…He was there in the dark and I felt his body behind mine… My legs weakened, my desire increased and this is the moment that I would never forget… His cologne was all around me and it amazed me how I could recognize it between all of those smells in the garage.  
\- Luna… - I felt his breath on my ear. - I don’t want you to think that I wasn’t honest when I said that I love you. I don’t want you to think that I’m using you to replace Clarke… I have to be honest and tell you that I’m also confused… This is strange for me too. – I didn’t say anything, I let him to explain. - I know that you think I’m lying, but I’m not… I realized when Clarke canceled our wedding that I didn’t feel that kind of love for her, it was just friendship… Maybe we loved each other, but after it was just obligation and commitment. The day when Lexa came back and they met, I knew that something is wrong… Even then, they looked at each other on the way that I didn’t look at Clarke for some time. – Then I turned around so I can see his eyes and suddenly, the light came back. Our eyes connected and I could sincerity in them. Mine filled with tears… I was confused.  
\- You don’t love her? – I asked.  
\- No… Actually, I love her but it's different kind of love… It the same like I love my sister, Lexa, Raven…  
\- Please Bellamy, don’t lie to me… If you’re not in love with Clarke, why did you were so harsh with Lexa? – I made a several steps back, but then he made close to me again.  
\- How would you react if someone would do that to you…? They were cheating behind my back and made a fool of me. Tell me Luna… What would you do? – We were just standing there looking at each other and his face indicated that he was angry and something else that I couldn’t decipher… - Luna… Betrayal hurts, no matter if you love that person or don’t… It hurts... When I found out I felt like everyone except me knew and I felt like I fool… I mean, even you knew but you didn’t tell me anything…  
\- They didn’t want that to happen… But, they love each…  
\- I don’t doubt that, but we aren’t talking about them… Here is happening something different, something that I kept inside me, not telling anyone… Not even to you. With time it became bigger, stronger…  
\- What is that? – I asked, but the answer was so obvious and I knew it...  
\- Since I saw you enter in my office, I felt this connection with you, but I had an obligation and I had to complete that. So, I pushed down what I felt… I was scared all the time that you can see through this mask that I had on because of you… Every time when we worked together I was trying to spend more time here in the garage with you, but every time I had a reminder that I’m engaged and I made myself to take a step back. I felt so many times guilty for thinking like that… - Then, he made a pause and smiled. – But, I wasn’t… They were seeing each other behind my back and I was a fool for covering my real feelings… Then, she said that she can’t marry me and I felt this relief, but at the time I didn’t know it was that… Then, I heard Anya asking Lexa if she will look for Clarke and all the pieces came together… I realized my doubts were true and this rage came over me… It didn’t matter what they did, but the betrayal… That killed me on the inside… It didn’t help that it was from the person that I had the most trust…  
\- Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?  
\- Because, that night I called here and someone told me that you went with Lexa… - He hit the table beside us with his fist…- After that, after Clarke was gone you were non-stop together… Anytime when I would ask you to come to dinner with me or to have a drink… You always said that you’re going somewhere with Lexa… I thought that you love her… But, I’m here now and I’m asking you to believe me that I …  
I put my finger on his lips and I said. – I love you. – He smiled then and then he nodded and told me that he loves me too. Bellamy kissed me and that kiss moved us to another world, where everything is possible and he loves me.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
It was the sun that woke me up and I looked with my hand her body, but she wasn’t there… I opened my eyes and looked around the room and she wasn’t there also… Did she go somewhere? Maybe she went to take a shower? I listened to hear the water from the shower, but I couldn’t hear anything. I looked at my hand then and the ring was still there, so it wasn’t a dream… But, where is she then? We went to sleep together and woke up I each other’s arms every morning since she came to Paris, and now waking up without feeling her arms around my body was strange for me. I got up from the bed and put a sheet over my body and went to the kitchen and the moment when I got out of my bedroom, I felt the smell of the breakfast. I smiled then, so there she is… She’s making me breakfast. I entered in the kitchen and she was there, all dressed up, cooking…  
\- I hope that you won’t burn my kitchen… It’ll be very hard to explain to next owners… - I smiled and looked how she turned around and when she saw me, her eyes went a color darker and her unique smirk appeared.  
– If you continue to stand there in only that sheet looking so sexy, that could happen… - I laughed.  
\- Then, I’ll go and shower so you can continue cooking without burning down my apartment… - I smirked too and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I let the sheet fall down and I went beneath the water. The water was hot and it was touching all the parts of my body, so I imagined that the water was Lexa hands. So immersed in my thoughts, I didn’t even notice when the door of the shower opened and Lexa came in. She then stood behind me, replacing the water with her fingers. She traced the line of my spine with her finger and dropped few kisses on my neck.  
\- I thought that you were making breakfast… - I smiled and leaned my head on her shoulder.  
\- I finished, so I thought that maybe you need something to help you clean your back… and maybe something more. – She placed a few more kisses on my neck along with small bites and licks of her tongue. I felt very lightheaded from the hot water and what Lexa was doing. If I hadn’t had the wall in front of me, I think that my knees may have given in. Then I pushed myself from the wall and in Lexa’s hands and my hips looked for some more contact with her. Lexa moaned then and licked my neck, pushing her body against mine to pin me against the wall. Her leg slid against mine and rubbed her thigh against me. I couldn’t stop the groan that came out from my throat and I had to bite my bottom lip. I pushed myself on her leg, because I needed some kind of friction. I needed that Lexa stop this teasing, because she’ll drive me crazy. I needed to feel her inside of me right at this moment.  
\- Lexa… Stop the teasing… I need you! – She kissed me then and her two fingers entered inside of me and I let out a guttural sound and started moving on hers fingers. I knew that I wouldn’t last long and few moments later I felt my walls clenching around Lexa’s fingers. The combination of the hot water and Lexa’s fingers made me feel incredible and I felt my orgasm rising. Everything happen at once, Lexa curled her fingers inside of me, the hot water continued falling on my body, Lexa’s other hand on my breast and now her lips on my neck made me come hard. I screamed and my forehead leaned against the tiles as my body shuddered through the orgasm. My legs gave up and I went down, barely holding myself on my feet. She immediately came down to face me and asked me if I’m okay.  
\- Yeah, I’m fine… I just… I just need a minute. – She smirked and I know that because I knew that she accomplished exactly what she wanted. Then she went out of the shower and gave me a towel. I took the towel, but I couldn’t still stand so I just kneel there waiting a moment to pass.  
\- The breakfast will be ready in five, but you take all the time you need. – Lexa then kissed my shoulder and went out of the bathroom. I tried to stand, but I couldn’t so I leaned on the wall. I will need a revenge for this and it’ll be a sweet, sweet revenge.


	29. Chapter 29

It was dark outside and she slept on my shoulder… She is so beautiful and I couldn’t believe my luck. I had the perfect girl and maybe she did have her flaws, but she was perfect for me. I looked outside of the window; New York City again lighted the way to our home. We were back and now are forever.  
\- What do you think about? – Monty asked from the front seat…  
\- What? – I was deep in my thoughts and I didn’t even heard what he said.  
He smiled and then he repeated his question. - What do you think about?  
\- At everything that waits for me at the office and on Bellamy too… What is he going to do and say when he sees us…?  
\- He’s much calmer… He came one day to the office and we were all there and we just talked. He was looking for you to say that he’s sorry, but you weren’t there… When I told him that you went to find Clarke, he didn’t react… - Anya said.  
\- Ok… Maybe it’ll be all ok… It’ll certainly be easier for Clarke. I know how is Bellamy when he’s mad and I don’t want that his behavior makes her sad.  
\- He won’t be mad…  
\- Anya, you don’t know that… We… I betrayed him and he never forgave anything so quickly… He’s too stubborn…  
\- Lexa… - Anya looked over her shoulder at us. – You just have to worry about her and she just have to take care of you, nothing else matters…  
\- We are here… - Monty parked my car and interrupted our talk, then he said. – We’ll take the luggage up and you wake up Clarke.  
I smiled and nodded my head. – Clarke… Come on babe, we’re home… - I said with a soft voice.  
She woke up and smiled. – Are we at your apartment?  
\- Yes, Monty and Anya took our bags and went upstairs… Come on, we have to go up too and then you can go to sleep again.  
\- Okay. – She said with her eyes closed, still not moving. – But, I’m so comfy here. – She smiled and settled even more in my hug.  
\- I know I am too… But we have to go upstairs and get to sleep…  
\- But just sleep, right?  
I laughed. – Yes just sleep, I promise.  
\- Okay. - She got up then and went out the car. We grabbed the rest of the bags and went to the elevator.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
I woke up in my apartment in New York and someone was kissing my cleavage and I smiled. I knew who was it and why she isn’t sleeping. When we went up last night, she immediately excused herself to Monty and Anya and went to bed and now there she was at the six in the morning very awake and in the mood for something that is completely different from sleeping. She nipped my nipple over my t-shirt and I groaned, Clarke smiled but then she continued kissing, nipping at the skin that was exposed. Then her kisses went down to the edge of my panties and then I said. – Down there is a very dangerous territory…  
Clarke laughed. – You’re not asleep?  
\- It’s a little hard to sleep when you’re doing that… - I said with a sarcastic voice. – You wanted to take advantage of me, while I slept. That’s not fair Clarke…  
She just shrugged her shoulders. – I just wanted to see how much you can resist… But, it wasn’t so long…  
I laughed. – Really?  
\- Do you want me to prove it? – She asked, raising her eyebrow.  
\- How can you do that? – I asked challenging her. – Clarke didn’t say anything, just smirked and then she kissed my jaw, continuing down… She went straight to my chest and placed a few kisses on top of my t-shirt and then she pulled that t-shirt up and traced her tongue over my nipples, sucking and nipping on them. After playing a little there, she passed on my navel and there she nipped at the skin, continuing down to the edge of my panties again. It was so sensual and that picture of her kissing the skin above my underwear, meanwhile her eyes stayed in contact with mine was so exciting that I almost begged her to put her mouth where I needed her the most. But, before I could say anything she pulled my underwear down and then she placed a kiss on top of my kiss, teasing me. My eyes rolled in my head and I moaned. She smiled and continued what she was doing. She traced her tongue all over and teased me… I needed something more, so I said. – Please Clarke. – I gave in and I didn’t regret it at all. I begged and then I felt her smiling. She moved then and said, still smiling.  
\- You give up?  
\- Yes, I do… - I pulled her up and I kissed her, then I turned her around and she screamed.  
\- Wow, you really are ready… - She was smiling.  
\- Yes I am. Now, let’s finish what you started… - I was about to kiss her when…The bell rang and made us separate… I looked over at her confused. – Are you expecting someone?- She shook her head and asked.  
\- You?  
\- Me ether… Can we ignore it and continue. – I asked hopefully, but I already knew the answer.  
\- But, what if it’s Anya?  
\- It’s not her… - I kissed her again, but then the bell rang again and Clarke said.  
\- Come on Lexa… Let’s see who is it and then we can continue. – She smiled.  
\- Ok…- I said reluctantly… I dressed up and went to the door. But, when I opened it was Bellamy… We stayed few moments just looking at each other and then he said.  
\- Hi…  
\- Who is it babe? - Clarke came behind me, now dressed and she was smiling, but her smile disappeared when she saw Bellamy…  
\- Hi Clarke… - He said. We were all paralyzed and Bellamy just stood and looked at us. The air was awkward and the atmosphere was so tense. The silence was so deafening and we just stood there, nobody said anything…  
Then, he cleared his throat and said. – So, you won’t invite me in? – He said and looked at me.  
I immediately moved aside and said. – Yes, sure… Please come in. – Bellamy did that and went to take a seat on the couch, we followed and sat across of him. I had my hand over Clarke’s waist and Bellamy saw that, but I didn’t move it…  
\- Please don’t look at me like that… I’m not a ghost… I’m here and I want to talk like civilized people do. I’m not here to judge, I’m here to listen. I just want the truth and I want to hear if you ever thought about what are you doing…? I want to know if you laughed behind my back as you made a fool of me…  
\- No… - Clarke said. – We didn’t do this on purpose… I mean that we tried to fight it at first, but we couldn’t…  
\- So… What? You thought that I wouldn’t find out anything and everything will continue like it was?  
\- Everything happened so fast… Without realizing it, we fell in love… There was so many times that we tried to stop this, but what we felt was stronger… We love each other Bellamy and against love, we can’t do anything… - I looked over to Clarke and then at Bellamy again. – Do you remember that time in the maze? What we promised each other? - Bellamy nodded. – We were drinking, but a promise is a promise and if you need to hate me for what I did, you have all the right…  
\- I don’t hate you… - That was like ice water falling on top of my head. – I don’t hate you too Clarke… Actually, I’m happy that you love each other… That makes this betrayal easier to swallow… But, I have to say that it hurts and I can’t go back so easy… The trust that I had is lost. – He said that and I dropped my head down, looking at the floor.  
\- I understand that… I also understand that you don’t want to see us… - Bellamy shook his head then.  
\- No… I’m not saying that… I’m just saying that it’ll be hard to go where we were before… It’s hard to forgive… But, I’ll try… - We didn’t say anything, just looked at him not believing what we heard… We expected the worse and now, there he was telling the opposite…- I need time…-He must’ve noticed our faces because next he said. – Don’t look at me like that… I believed you and I trusted you… I gave everything and you two took everything… So, I need time… I need time to recover some of that trust… I won’t judge you, but we have to move slow and see how it’s going… Maybe, someday we can have what we had. – He stood up then and went to the door and we followed him. We said our goodbyes and few moments later he was gone. Clarke and Lexa stayed there in the apartment just thinking, feeling a hope waking up… The friendship with Bellamy is a possibility and after everything that happened this meant something… It meant that they could have a full life there, without avoiding anyone…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is it. Only the epilogue is left. One more chapter and I'll post that tomorrow.


	30. Chapter 30

I woke up in hers arms… It was still early and I didn’t want to get up. I loved being in Lexa’s arms and the last three years were the best of my life. But, I had to get up… I had some work to do before taking a vacation. I looked at her and she slept peacefully with her hand over my waist. I could see some parts of her body, because she was naked after making love all night. I smiled, remembering the reason of our celebration. Clarke was pregnant and I was so happy when she told me, because we were trying for some time to find a right donor.  
I moved her hand and I got up from the bed. I put on some clothes that were scatter on the floor and I went to the desk to do some work before Clarke wakes. Clarke’s laptop was opened and there was something written on the page… I scrolled up and I could see that there were some more pages... Yes, Clarke was writing something last night before I told her about the news… She always did writing something on that laptop. I read couple of last sentences…  
_The stories about love always have a happy ending and I never believed in an end like that… Always when I heard stories like that, it seemed so strange to me… But, now I can say that I’m living in a story that has happy ending. This is my happy ending. I’m living my life with a beautiful woman that I love more than my own life. The woman that makes me sees the stars every time she looks at me. The woman that taught me what love is… Three and a half years before I did the biggest mistake in my life when I ran without fighting for the love. But then she found me and we were so happy and in love now. I didn’t care what anybody said about us, all that mattered is that Lexa is beside me and now I’m pregnant with our first child._  
 _The moments in Paris were magical, because we had all this freedom to love each other without caring about anyone. But, there was always that fear that made me restless about what’s going to happen when we go back to New York… What will Bellamy say? To look him in the eyes and see hate in them… But, it was all opposite. In his eyes I found forgiveness with a lot of friendly feelings and I’ll never forget about his words, ‘is hard to forgive, but I’ll try’. I was so happy to hear that._  
 _But, there are more things that happened over the years and the life changed so much. Anya continued being wise and a year later I promoted her. My father retired and I took his position in the company and then I made Anya take my position. She’s now my right hand. Monty married this girl Harper that he met two years ago. Octavia and Raven… Well they are a little harder to explain because their relation is complicated. They were arguing all the time, but they continue together and they are happy on their terms and the most important they love each other. Bellamy… That man was a part of my life and he always will be. I maybe, I’m not in love with him but I love him very much. He will always be our friend. After that day in Lexa’s apartment, he was so compassionate and always was here in the most difficult moments. But, he wasn’t alone… He had Luna and I was happy to see them in love. He deserved someone who loves him and Luna does that. I was sure that she had a big part in why Bellamy forgave us so fast. She made him happy. Their wedding was two months ago._  
 _Everyone was happy and in this moment I had this big grin on my face. Lexa loves me and during these years she gave me love, compassion and friendship. She was always there for me and a big support when I decided to pursue my love for art and have my first exhibition. She was my love, my lover, my future wife and my friend. She was everything._  
When I read the end, I had tears in my eyes. So I wrote something on the end and then I saved that document and decided that work can wait. I went to the bedroom and she was waking up.  
\- I felt that the bed is empty…  
\- I had some work… - I smiled then. – Also… I read what you wrote and I may have added something on the end. I hope that’s not a problem.  
She moved to lie on top of me and then she leaned on my chest. – It’s not… What did you added? – Clarke kissed me then.  
Returning the kiss, I said. – You’ll see… But, now I want to continue last night’s activities – I kissed her again and she gladly accepted.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  
Later that day, I sat at my computer and I was anxious to see what Lexa wrote. I opened the document and then I read…  
_I do love her, because she is everything and she’s teaching me every day how to love someone the way as she does. That night in her apartment in Paris, we exchanged our hearts and I gave her mine. She will always be unavoidable and we are going to be forever together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. This is it. Thank you all for your support! Follow me for more Clexa stories. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any mistakes. English is not my native language.  
> This is my first time writing and I hope you all enjoy. It would be great if you could leave some feedback and let me know what you think.  
> Thank you for taking the time to read it.


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